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Thread: 30 days NC and then a text. What could he want? Please help...

  1. #1
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    30 days NC and then a text. What could he want? Please help...

    So, I'll simplify this as best as I can. I was with my ex about 3 years. The last year, he became more distant, pulled away a lot, and I heard from him less and less. Soon it became a text or a phone call once a week, and I saw him even less than that.

    I asked him several times over the last year what was going on, he said nothing. I asked him to call more, or text more, because he felt so distant, but he would say he was going to, then it would be 2 or 3 weeks before I heard from him.

    30 days ago I pulled the plug. After 3 years, I figured something had ended on his end, and he didn't want to break up with me himself, so he was ghosting me. I told him I needed more, and this relationship wasn't working. I said we could reconnect next year to see where we are at if we want to reconnect our friendship. His only response was "Fine by me"

    I committed to no contact. 2 and a half weeks in I got a text saying hello. I did not respond. On Day 29 (yesterday) he sent another just saying hello text. Again, no response. Today is Day 30, and I felt great I made it 30 days. He sent another long text saying he missed his friend, and wanted to know if all was well and if we could grab coffee sometime. I responded this time saying "Thank you, all is well. Family is great, life has been very good. I'm looking forward to coffee one day, but i need tome to get over you first. It was a long time we were together. I'm sure you understand. Wishing you the best". His response was "OK, good to hear, I'm around..."

    Ok any guys (or girls) that can shed some light on this for me? What does he want? Why is he contacting me? It seems clear he doesn't want more than a friendship, so why the texts??

    I'd be so grateful for some insight into the male mind...
    Last edited by wondering123; 08-30-2017 at 07:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    He's trying to avoid being the bad guy, so to speak. Unless he clearly states he wants to get back together, you're dealing with simple breadcrumbs.

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    He is being really cruel by texting you like that without intentions of getting back together.

  4. #4
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    Breadcrumbs honey, breadcrumbs they're called. Just stick on to NC. You'll be fine at the soonest. Today is my 46th day of NC and I am doing much better than every passed days.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by wondering123
    So, I'll simplify this as best as I can. I was with my ex about 3 years. The last year, he became more distant, pulled away a lot, and I heard from him less and less. Soon it became a text or a phone call once a week, and I saw him even less than that.

    I asked him several times over the last year what was going on, he said nothing. I asked him to call more, or text more, because he felt so distant, but he would say he was going to, then it would be 2 or 3 weeks before I heard from him.

    30 days ago I pulled the plug. After 3 years, I figured something had ended on his end, and he didn't want to break up with me himself, so he was ghosting me. I told him I needed more, and this relationship wasn't working. I said we could reconnect next year to see where we are at if we want to reconnect our friendship. His only response was "Fine by me"

    I committed to no contact. 2 and a half weeks in I got a text saying hello. I did not respond. On Day 29 (yesterday) he sent another just saying hello text. Again, no response. Today is Day 30, and I felt great I made it 30 days. He sent another long text saying he missed his friend, and wanted to know if all was well and if we could grab coffee sometime. I responded this time saying "Thank you, all is well. Family is great, life has been very good. I'm looking forward to coffee one day, but i need tome to get over you first. It was a long time we were together. I'm sure you understand. Wishing you the best". His response was "OK, good to hear, I'm around..."

    Ok any guys (or girls) that can shed some light on this for me? What does he want? Why is he contacting me? It seems clear he doesn't want more than a friendship, so why the texts??

    I'd be so grateful for some insight into the male mind...


    some ppl just do it go satisfy thr ego .. or just insecure ... i would just be direct - whats goin on .. no point wasting your time with him .. 2-3 weeks is a long time with no contact ..

  7. #6
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    Maybe breadcrumbs because he is feeling you out? He did say he missed you...

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    Ok thank you guys! He didn't say anything about getting back together, he just said he missed his friend. I was just reading up on what breadcrumbs were, and you are all right, it is only bread crumbs.

    I believe I was honest enough in my text to him, so I can implement no contact again without being rude.

    I just don't understand the point of him reaching out to me at this point. I guess he's just looking for something I'm not ready for. Maybe in a year or so, but 3 years isn't something normal people get over in a few weeks. Sociopaths maybe...

  9. #8
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    46 days!! That's so encouraging. I'll be honest, I was feeling pretty good at 30 days, so I get it! Forging on with NC. I need more than just breadcrumbs. Thank you!

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    He's trying to avoid being the bad guy, so to speak. Unless he clearly states he wants to get back together, you're dealing with simple breadcrumbs.
    Agree! Do yourself a big favor, and block him. He does not care about your feelings.

    I would also reconsider that friendship.

  11. #10
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    Sometimes I wonder, when ex does this, is it because they are scared we've moved on and so they don't want to put themselves on the line. But they did break up with us, so shouldn't they be clearer on what you want? So I guess what goes on in the mind of exes like these is that they do miss you but they still think that you guys cannot be together again for the reason they broke up with you for.

    To me, it's almost like to relieve their current "missing her" feeling. Then afterwards go back to moving on.

    My ex also contacted me after a month NC. We chatted for a bit, and met up twice after that (2 days in a row). Both days, he hugged and kissed me, but I didn't hug nor kiss him back. Mostly because I was scared I would misinterpret or misunderstand his intentions. But he stopped contacting me for a day, then texted again the day after. It felt like "is he thinking I would be here whenever he wants?" So I just decided here's moving on, and chose to ignore it. He didn't contact me again after that. It made feel awful but did help reaffirm my belief that we shouldn't be in contact right now because of how fragile our current feelings are.

    The problem with contact right now is that you both are still so blurred with feelings and, both your hope and guard is up. So you did the right thing by telling him that you need to be over him before anything can happen.

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