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Thread: Being replaced

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Austin125
    Basically I screwed up.
    It will take some time and some work on your part, but eventually you'll forgive her and more importantly, you'll forgive yourself.

    You didn't screw up. You made choices that seemed to be logical at the time. The only problem is, that when you break up, you've given someone their freedom to date whomever they want FROM THAT MOMENT. Sometimes when someone is preparing to leave a relationship, they've already got the next person lined up. Sometimes, someone else is waiting on them to break up with you and they get their hooks into your ex as soon as possible.

    You can drive yourself insane wondering what happened, where/when did they decide to move on with the next person. Or you can commit yourself to No Contact/Low contact, and use it to reflect on yourself, what you want, what you think will make you happy and a better person for someone who is looking for someone just like you.

    We're all "the next person that's looking for the better version of someone else" in a way. Right now, someone who is breaking up with someone else, will go through what you (and all us) are gong through and when they've gained the stability in their lives when they're ready to receive someone like us, that's the point where we realize what we're truly gaining after the struggle that we're currently dealing with emotionally, mentally and physically...

    The real problem with No Contact (from my perspective) is false hope of the person coming back into your life. It sucks because that's all you think about night and day while you're on your own, working out, getting therapy, in the company of friends (when all you want is to be in your ex's arms). While I'm still NC one year later, there are days when I still struggle with this. However, my heart is healed and I've forgiven her in my mind and heart. It took a long time, but I accept what I did to end the relationship and how/why she moved on quickly. My false hope of her coming back is gone but I want her to be happy no matter what she's doing or who she's with.

    It just takes a while, but acceptance and forgiveness is the end goal in my mind. Only then can you replace your ex with someone who will take up the space in your mind and heart that you gave to your ex.

    If you choose to go No contact, stick to it no matter what until you're ready to forgive. That's the only way you can start a new relationship with your ex, no matter if you're just going to be friends or lovers or whatever.

  2. #22
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    I heard in a inspirational section of you tube this man was talking about taking your pain and motivating it so it grows to positivity. He said Adele the singer who won tons of grammys for her awesome albums where she spilled her pain about her relationships. She was with a guy and he dumped her and the guy immediately found someone new in like 2 months and they ended up getting married. She wrote all those songs about what she was feeling so she used her pain for something positive. Her pain was her motivation and you can feel it in her songs and the way she sings So use your pain for good use. There's always something good and positive that comes from something that sucks. If that didn't happen to her if she didn't feel how awful she felt after being dumped by the so called love of your life then we wouldn't have those incredible powerful songs that we can connect to that are timeless

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by kve1987van1
    I heard in a inspirational section of you tube this man was talking about taking your pain and motivating it so it grows to positivity. He said Adele the singer who won tons of grammys for her awesome albums where she spilled her pain about her relationships. She was with a guy and he dumped her and the guy immediately found someone new in like 2 months and they ended up getting married. She wrote all those songs about what she was feeling so she used her pain for something positive. Her pain was her motivation and you can feel it in her songs and the way she sings So use your pain for good use. There's always something good and positive that comes from something that sucks. If that didn't happen to her if she didn't feel how awful she felt after being dumped by the so called love of your life then we wouldn't have those incredible powerful songs that we can connect to that are timeless
    I think this along goes for the entire genre of Blues music

  4. #24
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    Jul 2017
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    19
    Ha! this was my situation exactly! we were together 3 years, lived together 2 and I became complacent (not courting her) and emotionally distant and negative due to a lack of job I was satisfied with. We talked of marriage and a future too. I could see her growing distant and knew she was going to break up with me about a week before it happened. I actually initiated the conversation. Come to find out she jumped to a new relationship 2 weeks later and they were official about 6 weeks post break up. We're 3 months broken up and 2 months NC. I can tell you it gets so much easier if you just cut off all contact (NO social media, no anything!). I was kind of distancing myself in the relationship too so that helped. I still love the woman and she was a great woman, we just lacked passion. I think this new guy is a much better fit for what she's looking for, I just don't see them lasting because they're long distance and I dont think either is in a position to relocate due to children.

    I've literally just been focusing on me since NC and it's doing wonders! I started a new job, back at the gym for the first time in 3 years, picked up a hobby (MMA), do occasional volunteer work, read and watch a ton of self help stuff, hang with my friends and family constantly and I am working on just being an overall better more positive person. Something I had lacked in that relationship.

    I'm old man, 33. I am reinventing myself and you can too. Don't worry about the small stuff. I feel like I can attract girls years younger than me (but I'm somewhat good looking if I say so myself). I realized through this break up that you can't get hung up on "what ifs" and "should haves", what happened happened and it couldn't have happened any other way! Let her do her thing and if she comes back make your decision at that time. My girl is head over heels for this new guy, but she was for me too, so I don't know. Maybe it will work, maybe it wont. I just feel like she needs as much of a chance at happiness as I do. I wish her well but I wish myself to be even better off than her! be selfish, be angry it didn't work but get your ish together and make some changes and find a new one, or don't but find a way to be happy. Life is short man, she left because she was unhappy so why are you gonna be stuck on her and stay in an unhappy state when she is actively trying to distance herself from what made her unhappy?

    p.s. shatteredman has some killer advice, it's nice to see someone a year on from the same situation doing well! Hope she at least comes back to give you the chance to reject/accept her man. We all deserve at least that "hey" text months down the line, lol! (for closure purposes)

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