Think about creating showdown with violent man

I am literally posting here because I don't know where to discuss this. A few years ago before I started posting again, I had an entanglement with a man who was extremely violent to me (not a relationship, we weren't dating.. just an older guy who took advantage of my lack of resources, social support, and depression). Had to go back and forth with the police as a witness for terrible crimes he committed, barely survived the whole thing, and then he told me he wanted to do the same things he did to me to "undeveloped children". He is a middle school teacher. I don't want to go too much into the historical details.

I recently found out by checking his photography page (which I occasionally check so I know his location) that he is living 15 minutes away from me and literally right on top of where I work. After talking about these things in therapy and her telling me I am angry, which I hadn't literally felt, I have been angry. Like, I feel my heart beating harder and I am actually angry--a new feeling.

Now, I think fairly often about sending him my address and having a final show down. Him vs me.

How to stop thinking about this? Should I stop thinking about this? If I discuss this in therapy I imagine it will be a problem. I don't want to be flagged as potentially violent.

I also don't want to discuss this with friends because I think the content is too heavy.

Sending him your address??? Why in the world do you want a violent man to have your address????

Ask your therapist if he/she thinks it's a good idea to send your address to a man who victimized and damaged you previously.

Sending him your address??? Why in the world do you want a violent man to have your address????

 

Ask your therapist if he/she thinks it's a good idea to send your address to a man who victimized and damaged you previously.

The reasons don't sound good -__-.....

That sounds like a very bad idea. You can't be thinking clearly.

I fantasise a lot about showdowns with certain people ... I have had some very unfortunate things happen , my ex , behind the scenes of my mum dying , people ripping me off ...nothing as sinister as your experiences , but my point is , I think we mull all this over and almost get to making solid plans because our minds just don't know what the hell to do anymore with all that stuff that is bunging us up .

Don't do it ...

I see two possibilities.

You harbor some secret attraction to this man despite the damage he did to you. You may see him as the ultimate macho male, dangerous and frightening but exciting at the same time. It's not uncommon; many women found Ted Bundy sexually exciting.

OR...you harbor fantasies of a violent confrontation with you as the aggressor this time. Getting your revenge, so to speak.

Either scenario is extremely unhealthy.

Please call your therapist and schedule an emergency appointment right away.

I think what you are feeling is normal, but not wise to indulge in.

I see two possibilities.

 

You harbor some secret attraction to this man despite the damage he did to you. You may see him as the ultimate macho male, dangerous and frightening but exciting at the same time. It's not uncommon; many women found Ted Bundy sexually exciting.

 

OR...you harbor fantasies of a violent confrontation with you as the aggressor this time. Getting your revenge, so to speak.

 

Either scenario is extremely unhealthy.

 

Please call your therapist and schedule an emergency appointment right away.

I am in no way attracted to him. Nor was I ever.

I guess in my thoughts he tries something again except I am not too scared to hold back. And I kind of don't care if I die trying to put him down.

I have an appointment on Thursday. I might think about it, but I will not suddenly do it. Secondly, I think he would be too intimidated to actually try to hurt a full grown woman.

This sounds foolish and dangerous. What would you possibly accomplish from this?

Thread has been moved to a more appropriate forum.

OP, I cannot think of anything more dangerous or foolish than sending your address to someone who has been extremely violent to you in the past. It doesn't even make any sense at all and can only end badly. Please see your therapist about this. You need help.

Also, the fact that you say you don't care if you die as a result of this confrontation shows some very unhealthy thought processes. Not surprising since you were a victim of violence, but extremely concerning.

I really, really hope you don't choose to act on this before speaking with a professional.

Hope the article in the link below will give you some insight about your thoughts, *NightLilly*

Its about how to disempower intrusive thoughts such as what you've been having. Don't be hesitant to discuss these thoughts with your therapist. I'm sure she realizes that actually doing anything you're thinking about is against your basic nature.

I think he would be too intimidated to actually try to hurt a full grown woman.

Yet you say he was "extremely violent to you, went back and forth with the police and you barely survived it all"... and now you think he would be too intimidated to hurt a full grown woman?

Make no mistake with violent people. They have no qualms.

Why waste your sessions trying to play the 'good patient'? This is exactly the stuff therapists are trained to help people handle. Speak in terms of 'fantasy' rather than intent, and then throw everything you've got on the table with therapist, and punch a few pillows while you're at it.

Not only will this help you expel rage through fantasy, it will allow a professional to walk with you through your emotional landscape and aid you in thinking through potential consequences. From there, you'll be better equipped to decide which outcomes you can best live with and how much power you'll want to give this man over your life and your future. You might discover some self empowerment, instead, and without any permanent consequences.

Head high.

Yet you say he was "extremely violent to you, went back and forth with the police and you barely survived it all"... and now you think he would be too intimidated to hurt a full grown woman?

 

because he only picks on children, young women, and homeless people.

 

Somehow therapy is making me "worse" or maybe I perceive it that way. I think about him and my heart starts beating hard and I feel angry.

 

ThatWasThen- thank you for that article. It is more the thoughts that disturb me and the fact that part of me thinks he really shouldn't be able to go around hurting people. I don't know. I have never even hit somebody. I wish I could forget him.

 

catfeeder - it is very uncomfortable for me to talk about. I really almost feel ashamed to even come back here.

Don't feel ashamed.

catfeeder - it is very uncomfortable for me to talk about. I really almost feel ashamed to even come back here.

Retreating into shame is what keeps us bound to its cause.

Anger is a natural stage of grief, and rather than lapsing into shame from it, I'd embrace it as the strength builder it can be.

The most useful definition of depression I've learned is, 'anger turned inward'. Since you've already build a relationship with a therapist, USE that platform for its intended purpose. If you can't bring yourself to be open with this therapist, find another, but don't squelch yourself into illness for the sake of cultivating shame. That's not helpful, and it only compounds the problem.

Nobody has imbued any of us with superpowers to reverse evil and save the world. Our job is to focus on our own private resilience so that we can touch those around us with love and compassion for the duration of our lives in order to counter evil's effects. So when we've been unfortunate enough to encounter evil ourselves, we must decide whether our moral obligation is to fold into our own perceptions of damage, or to choose the most healthy roads of healing in order to learn that outcome and use the results to help the next person make that trek someday.

Holding onto our own damage helps nobody, while learning valid steps toward healing and building strength can be useful for countless purposes in the future.

You get to pick.

In therapy you often feel worse before you feel better.

In therapy you often feel worse before you feel better.

Yep. Think of the anger and upset as clearing out an infection, and ask for more frequent sessions at this time rather than pulling back.

The guy moving near you is a trigger. Contact one of the Internet domestic violence hotlines for a referral to local help, and visit with a counselor there for expert assistance in managing fear, rage and creating a plan for protection against stalking and handling any possible intersections with the guy.

If you behave proactively by gathering support and using it wisely, you will move yourself beyond this difficult time, and you'll gain higher ground you can feel good about.

Head high, and write more if it can help.

because he only picks on children, young women, and homeless people.

 

Somehow therapy is making me "worse" or maybe I perceive it that way. I think about him and my heart starts beating hard and I feel angry.

 

ThatWasThen- thank you for that article. It is more the thoughts that disturb me and the fact that part of me thinks he really shouldn't be able to go around hurting people. I don't know. I have never even hit somebody. I wish I could forget him.

 

Don't feel ashamed for your thoughts or for anything he has done to you, he's the one that should be feeling ashamed... there is a special place in hell reserved just for him.