My Boyfriend Likes Doing Shrooms and I Don't Approve

I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 months. I really like him and things are really good between us and I have lots of fun with him. He told me at the beginning of our relationship that he likes to do shrooms and from the very beginning I have explained to him that I don't feel comfortable with that. I have a job that if I got any drug like convinction I would lose my job and never work in my field again. I do not take any drugs and I don't want to be around anyone that does. The topic of shrooms has been brought up between us many many times and I have always told him that I don't approve and that it might be the end of our relationship if I think it's a problem. He's never understood my hesitation with them and it has turned in to many arguments because he brings them up quite often. I wish that I could shut off the part of my brain that is screaming they're bad, but I can't! I don't know how. This past weekend he ditched me so he could go do shrooms with his buddies. This is the first time he's done them in the entire time we've been dating but it still really bugs me. All weekend I have been anxiety ridden and been having an internal debate with myself. I don't know what to do! I have tried so hard to just be cool with him doing them but I can't. I love him but I don't know if this is going to bug me enough that I don't want to be with him anymore. I don't know if I'm crazy for breaking up with someone because he's done shrooms once in 7 months. I'm at a complete loss and just have no clue what to do. What would you suggest?

Well you both need to take this as a lesson ....you knew he liked them and chose to stay with him and he knew you didn't and chose to stay with you ....so both of you need to take a red flag when you see one in the future .

He did them away from you , so he didn't implicate you in anyway and also told you the truth ..so that was good ( in the grand scheme of things )

No one here can steer you in a way that can make you ok about it , but you clearly can't get your head around his choices and that is your right . Remember this is your life, your call and you do not have to compromise on issues that bother you to this degree .

That is once in seven months that you know of. I think that this is a serious issue and you know what you need to do here. chi

I think you know the answer. It sounds to me that you both are incompatible. I think a common attitude to drugs would be a basic fundamental requirement for any lasting relationship......pity you ignored this 'red flag' earlier on....it would have saved you time and heartache.

I too am baffled as to why you would go on one date with him let alone 7 months -he never promised you to stop doing shrooms - to the contrary. You simply expressed your discomfort. He's entitled to live his life, take his own risks with his life/health/freedom and you're entitled not to be romantically involved with someone who does drugs. I would move on ASAP because you're not being true to your values and risking your profession/career.

If you don't like it, walk. As the others have said, you knew from the beginning that he liked to do them and you continued with it hoping that he would simply stop doing them because the 'queen' deemed them bad. People have a right to do what they want with their bodies and lives. You do not have the right to demand he change for you and if this upsets you so much, then there are plenty of guys out there that don't like doing them. Go find one of them to be your boyfriend.

If you don't like it, walk. As the others have said, you knew from the beginning that he liked to do them and you continued with it hoping that he would simply stop doing them because the 'queen' deemed them bad. People have a right to do what they want with their bodies and lives. You do not have the right to demand he change for you and if this upsets you so much, then there are plenty of guys out there that don't like doing them. Go find one of them to be your boyfriend.

I don't agree that she demanded that he stop - I think she wasn't clear that it was a dealbreaker -telling someone you are "uncomfortable" is vague -and his choice to go elsewhere to do them out of her sight might have seemed to him a fair compromise. And she certainly is entitled to present it as a dealbreaker "I cannot date you if you choose to do illegal drugs" and he is entitled to respond with "I choose drugs over you."

Even when she followed up with him the way I read her post she threatened she would leave "if it became a problem" - does that mean if he does them once? More than once? Where he does them? It's not clear. I faced this issue many times early on in dating relationships. As soon as I learned the person used illegal drugs I left and I tried to find out as early as possible. Fortunately most people who used them were open about sharing that information. It does require a specific decision if it's a dealbreaker.

Don't hope that a person will change or stop doing whatever they are doing just for you. Likewise, my profession is such that getting caught up with drugs would end everything for me. I've worked too hard for too many years to be where I am today and there is no way that I'd give the time of day to anyone doing drugs. It's not a judgment on their life choices, it's self preservation of myself, my life, my career, and everything I've worked for. It's really that simple. So when someone tells me they are using drugs, they are not going to be a part of my life and that's that. It's really not a difficult decision and there is nothing cool or uncool about it. They are free to live their life however they see fit, but their choices do not align with mine and so it's best we don't associate.

I hate to say this, but I agree with everyone else.

You made it clear that it's a deal breaker for you, and he's made it clear that it's something he's going to continue doing.

And yes, it's once in 7 months that you know of.

I ended a relationship (about 3 months in), in the middle of a romantic weekend away that he planned, when I realized he had gotten high during the weekend. I literally asked him to take me home and not even check into the bed & breakfast he booked, and we never spoke again. So I get how you feel. It's a deal breaker for me too.

If you don't like it, walk. As the others have said, you knew from the beginning that he liked to do them and you continued with it hoping that he would simply stop doing them because the 'queen' deemed them bad. People have a right to do what they want with their bodies and lives. You do not have the right to demand he change for you and if this upsets you so much, then there are plenty of guys out there that don't like doing them. Go find one of them to be your boyfriend.

It's not the 'queen' who deemed shrooms bad, rather it is the 'man'. It is an illegal substance and you can pay some very serious consequences getting mixed up in them, depending on your region. While I advocate for positive body autonomy, I draw the line when it becomes illegal. It is just downright irresponsible to expose yourself like this in the eyes of the law, not to mention shrooms are not exactly healthy for people.

The OP could very well get in trouble just associating with an individual doing illegal substances and not reporting it. The fact that she knows he is doing shrooms and possibly has texts as evidence to this knowledge, could put her in serious legal trouble if it goes unreported. Your bf has willingly exposed you to this risk if he sent you written statements of him doing this.

So OP, with the knowledge that your bf is doing illegal drugs and you can get into legal trouble knowing about it, does this draw the line for "if I think it's a problem"?

I do not take any drugs and I don't want to be around anyone that does.

I understand what people are saying that "she knew he did this when she met him". However, there are many things people do that they find out that they are not *that* invested in and they are willing to give up for a relationship - something not at the core of their being that is only a casual interest. I knew that my guy is allergic to a specific food and one certain animal. if we got serious, i couldn't have this one particular animal as a pet. I had talked at one time about getting one, but didnt' have one -- so i decided that i wasn't going to get one. If he was someone that would tell me that i had to give up my dog because he was allergic -- then i would not have continued dating him. He can't be around rabbits. I would have liked one, but i won't be getting one.

if this guy had done mushrooms in the past, but it wasn't the love of his life, i could see where there could be a chance he could say 'well, you know what, that's not the most important thing in my life. I really want to date this woman. So bye bye shrooms." But apparently, its not that way.

So she didn't have an unrealistic expectation.

BUT since he has MADE HIS CHOICE of mushrooms over her, then she needs to walk.

I understand what people are saying that "she knew he did this when she met him". However, there are many things people do that they find out that they are not *that* invested in and they are willing to give up for a relationship - something not at the core of their being that is only a casual interest. I knew that my guy is allergic to a specific food and one certain animal. if we got serious, i couldn't have this one particular animal as a pet. I had talked at one time about getting one, but didnt' have one -- so i decided that i wasn't going to get one. If he was someone that would tell me that i had to give up my dog because he was allergic -- then i would not have continued dating him. He can't be around rabbits. I would have liked one, but i won't be getting one.

 

if this guy had done mushrooms in the past, but it wasn't the love of his life, i could see where there could be a chance he could say 'well, you know what, that's not the most important thing in my life. I really want to date this woman. So bye bye shrooms." But apparently, its not that way.

 

So she didn't have an unrealistic expectation.

BUT since he has MADE HIS CHOICE of mushrooms over her, then she needs to walk.

I think the difference here is that you didn't go in with the conviction that you wouldn't be around someone that couldn't have a rabbit then dated that very kind of person.

I do not take any drugs and I don't want to be around anyone that does.

But you ARE around someone who does drugs. For seven months.

He's not going to suddenly morph into someone who doesn't do drugs. And you aren't going to suddenly morph into someone who doesn't mind that her boyfriend does drugs.

It's very simple, really...either accept he's going to do drugs (without having to "like" it), or leave the relationship. Yeah, I'm sure there will be hurt feelings but if the alternative is going against your principles it's really the only choice.

I'm an open minded person and I don't think shrooms is something to break up over. It's not something that generally ends in a conviction and as long as you don't do them it definitely won't involve you in losing your job

Shrooms are safer than alcohol and smoking and although you may disagree with them having a person that does shrooms is much better than someone who drinks excessively or even moderately, if it's a deal breaker though youd have to break it off

I'm an open minded person and I don't think shrooms is something to break up over. It's not something that generally ends in a conviction and as long as you don't do them it definitely won't involve you in losing your job

 

Shrooms are safer than alcohol and smoking and although you may disagree with them having a person that does shrooms is much better than someone who drinks excessively or even moderately, if it's a deal breaker though youd have to break it off

I don't think your opinion on this particular drug makes you more open minded than someone who doesn't want to be romantically involved with a person who uses illegal drugs (especially given the risks to her professional life). I think it simply means that your values justify illegal drug use. Hers do not (neither do mine, for what it's worth). Certainly agree that if it's a deal breaker then she shouldn't have gone out with him even one more time after learning that he didn't plan to give it up entirely.

But you ARE around someone who does drugs. For seven months.

 

He's not going to suddenly morph into someone who doesn't do drugs. And you aren't going to suddenly morph into someone who doesn't mind that her boyfriend does drugs.

 

It's very simple, really...either accept he's going to do drugs (without having to "like" it), or leave the relationship. Yeah, I'm sure there will be hurt feelings but if the alternative is going against your principles it's really the only choice.

I second this entire post.