Well, we are done I guess. But still holding on as well

I haven't posted on here in awhile. Since the last time I did post, things have spiraled out of control. I guess I'll start with what has happened in the last month.

About a month ago my wife decided she wanted to go out with her friends to a couple of clubs. It was a girls night with her and her female cohorts from her old class. She said she will be home at 11 and I was fine with it all. At around midnight I sent her a text asking when she will be home. At this point our daughter woke up asking for mom. Our daughter is two years old and still breastfeeding at night. So when she wakes up, I managed to get her back down. Then about 1am our daughter wakes again. This time she's screaming and won't calm down. At this point I start calling my wife to see what time she will be home and don't get an answer. At about two am she finally comes home, drunk beyond usual. I don't ask her questions, I just welcome her home and we go to bed.

The next morning I start to ask questions. Why she didn't respond to either phone call or text message when I couldn't get our daughter down. She basically said she left her phone in her car last night. Then, later on that day we ended up driving to her parents place for a BBQ. It was then when I found a guys baseball hat in the backseat of her car. I asked where it had come from and to which she replied that it belonged to her cohorts brother that went with them. So much for this supposed girls night out.

Later, after we had arrived I her parents, I decided to check her iPad. I had this feeling she was hiding a lot of somethings from me. I found out she took my access away to her iPad. Took fingerprint off and changed the password. After asking her about this I finally got an answer. No, she wasn't cheating on me. She just didn't want me to read her texts her and her best friend were sending , regarding her wanting to separate from me. This completely floored me. I knew we had issues, but I told her we can work them out. Unfortunately for me, she wasn't interested in working them out. She just wanted out. She said she wasn't happy.

Here's the thing. She just graduated from college, two months prior, and, got a good paying job. Now that she's got a job and is self sufficient, she wants out to pursue her happiness, leaving me to pick up the pieces.

A week and a half goes by and she comes up to me, saying she wants to work it out, BUT, there will be "conditions" that needs to be met.

1. I had to be ok with her going out and hanging with her friends. Be that clubbing, bar hopping, etc. I told her I've NEVER had an issue with her hanging with her friends. I didn't like her bar hopping though. She said too bad, and she doesn't want a curfew either.

2. Dial back the affection I show her. She says I show her too much and in her mind, she feels I'm clingy. I can't possibly understand this. We barely see each other, and when we do, it's rarely ever just her and I. It's usually with our daughter too. So we hardly ever have any true alone time. But, forgive me if I want to hold my wife, or kiss her a few times a day. She gave me examples of clingyness I need to work on: no more grabbing her hand and kissing it while she's working on her iPad. No more cuddling at night because she's already got our daughter right up on her too, and I need to realize she's being smothered and I need to just back off.

3. She wants to be more independent. She no longer wants me to open bottles for her or hand her her morning pills. She wants to make her own coffee, no longer wants me to wash her in the shower either. Just wants me to allow her to do things for herself. Fine.

So there it is. It has been about two weeks now since she made these conditions. I feel as though if I don't abide by them, she will just walk out the door, taking our daughter with and leaving me holding a good majority of our debt accrued paying for us for all the years she was in school.

I want a better life. I want my wife to love me. She stopped wearing her ring too. Took it off several weeks ago.

Also, I spoke to a family attorney and was basically told to file bankruptcy if we do separate. Yes, she will be on the hook for half the debt, but as it stands, I'll pretty much lose everything regardless, if we split.

So, there it is. It's a long long post, but that recaps the past month.

daughter is two years old and still breastfeeding at night.

But all the conditions she asked for, basically makes you out to be a roommate/babysitter and no longer a husband. It's also pretty irresponsible of her to be "clubbing" when she is a mother.

I am sorry you are going through this heartache but I think you need to start thinking about shared custody of your daughter and a divorce. She has already left the marriage.

What!?! That's bizarre and too old to be breast feeding.

 

But all the conditions she asked for, basically makes you out to be a roommate/babysitter and no longer a husband. It's also pretty irresponsible of her to be "clubbing" when she is a mother.

 

I am sorry you are going through this heartache but I think you need to start thinking about shared custody of your daughter and a divorce. She has already left the marriage.

We've been trying to work on the breastfeeding issue but we can't seem to come to an agreement. I've offered solutions on weaning but I can't do it by myself. As for the clubbing and bar hopping, yes, she has parental obligations. She wants to go out on Saturday nights, come home whenever she wants and drink and drive AND for me to not have an issue with it.

As for being a roommate and babysitter, I agree. I feel despite her wanting to work it out, it's a one way street.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, but it sounds like someone else is in the picture, (just a guess). Her list of rules are ridiculous, as well as an insult to your intelligence.

I would tell her that as an adult she can either work on the marriage, or live the single life without you in it.

So does she want to be married or single?

Sounds like she is messing around with other people anyway

So does she want to be married or single?

 

Sounds like she is messing around with other people anyway

I don't think she is seeing someone else as she doesn't have the time to, but who really knows. I know though, that she craves the single life and wants that back. I remember when we first talked about one of her "conditions". The one where she wanted to bar hop and club. I told her she is irresponsible and selfish for wanting to drink and drive. Having one or two drinks is questionable, but when she goes out, it's all or nothing. She's got to get soused. She then tells me she'll just stay the night at a friends house so she doesn't have to drink and drive. I was pretty floored at that.

Well the thing is. She chose and husband and has a daughter. Her single life is over. That was her choice when she decided to get married and have a baby. I'm all about lady independence and going out and celebrating but she wants you to be okay with her drinking and driving is ridiculous. Have you ever been to alanon? It helps you deal or cope with loved ones with drinking problems. Sounds like she's pretty selfish ans only thinking of herself through her marriage and her daughter. You sound like you love her and doing the best you can. I guess if it continues. Think about a seperation. I mean do you really want to be in a marriage where someone treats you like this? I certainly wouldn't. Sounds like he'll to me

She's in the middle of an affair.

Read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let her see this book)

She's in the middle of an affair.

 

Read James Dobson's "Love must be Tough" (Never let her see this book)

But wouldn't there be more signs of an affair? Her job keeps her fairly busy. She's a school teacher and I mean, I doubt she would bring the affair partner to her school. I know the classic signs ARE there, but I just don't believe it. I guess I am naive.

As for the book, I'm actively searching for it now.

Her actions and words point toward an affair.

You can check cell phone records. It may help you overcome your denial.

Once you understand infidelity, you'll realize it not about more evidence.

It's about your marriage!

I think the bottom line is, she is no longer making this marriage a priority. She wants to revert back to partying and living the single life. Her conditions are ridiculous and anyone would kick her to the curb for even suggesting them. They are completely insulting.

I sincerely think the best thing you can do is split custody of your daughter, splits assets and get a divorce. She is not being fair, nor is she being considerate. She cares about her feelings and her wants and needs alone. No one can deal with a person like that or expect to have a happy marriage under those terms.

I think the bottom line is, she is no longer making this marriage a priority. She wants to revert back to partying and living the single life. Her conditions are ridiculous and anyone would kick her to the curb for even suggesting them. They are completely insulting.

 

I sincerely think the best thing you can do is split custody of your daughter, splits assets and get a divorce. She is not being fair, nor is she being considerate. She cares about her feelings and her wants and needs alone. No one can deal with a person like that or expect to have a happy marriage under those terms.

You are right. We had a chance to sit down and talk about it. I told her we need to work on our issues, but I do realize our issues are more like HER issues. We do not have a future together and I need to find the strength to leave.

She drinks AND breastfeeding a child?

No wonder the child has sleeping issues.

On top of it, she commits DUIs (I've had two friends who weren't hit and killed by drunk drivers).

Is she insane?

I'd file for divorce AND claim full custody rights of the child. She should not be raising a child.

She drinks AND breastfeeding a child?

No wonder the child has sleeping issues.

 

 

On top of it, she commits DUIs (I've had two friends who weren't hit and killed by drunk drivers).

 

Is she insane?

 

I'd file for divorce AND claim full custody rights of the child. She should not be raising a child.

Yes to everything. I plead with her to not drink and then breastfeed, but I'm ignored. I plead with her to not drink and drive, but again, I'm ignored. She wants her early 20's back and I think she blames me for letting the last few years slip away into parenthood, like it's completely and solely my fault she can no longer bar hop, club and drink and drive when she wants and however often she likes.

On a side note, she suffers depression and has, on a couple occasions, thrown her medication in the trash. In effect to this, she had to wait to get a refill and gone nearly a week without. I've taken note to the times she drinks and drives and tossed her meds out. When the time comes, I can bring this up in a custody battle. I'm not a betting man, but I'll bet on this one the court frowns upon a person that throws out their needed medications and drinks to excess.

"When the time comes?" You're a father. It is your duty to protect your family - your child's wellbeing comes first. Drinking milk from an intoxicated person will damage her liver and affect her cognitive development.

You need to act now. Lawyer up.

"When the time comes?" You're a father. It is your duty to protect your family - your child's wellbeing comes first. Drinking milk from an intoxicated person will damage her liver and affect her cognitive development.

 

You need to act now. Lawyer up.

$hit. You're right. I can't believe I'm so damn blind to this and I feel horrible. I think what I'm really terrified of is fighting for custody and all of my "evidence" means nothing and I lose full custody.

Too had you can't hand her a common sense pill along with Her morning pills, but that wouldn't work anyway since your no longer allowed to do anything for her. I'm curious as to what ages you guys are. I feel like she is either really young and doesn't want the responsibility of having a family, or she's in her 30s and going through an early mid life crises. I feel sorry for you because you are too nice for your own good and possibly suffer from a low self esteem. I'm saying that because in guilty of both and have personally tolerated more than I should in my marriage and yet I'm still here. I have an 16 month old so I know how it feels to be married with a toddler and not want to break the family up. Your wife is being very secretive and that raises ared flag. If I were you I would challenge her by not abiding by her RIDICULOUS rules. The way you act towards her is what most women want!!!! Waiting on her and washing her in the shower? Showing her affection? Your a great husband! Most men don't do half of what you and would never tolerate their wives clubbing all Nite while baby is at home crying for her. I hope you find happiness elsewhere, but I can't judge you if you stay because I did. Best wishes.

And please start giving that baby milk, she is old enough and shouldn't be drinking from her moms drunk boob!! I'm sure your a great daddy but keep her protected from that. Again, best wishes.