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Thread: Lesbian dating a trans man

  1. #1
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    Lesbian dating a trans man

    I have found myself attracted to trans men. I identify as lesbian and have always found men to be repulsive sexually. I've tried dating them and following whatever attraction I may have to them but I end up feeling sick in the stomach, like nauseous and then I get headaches from the very thought of being with one sexually or romantically. I think I dated men a lot to cover up and hide my sexuality when I was younger and now that I'm out I just find it disgusting to be attracted to them. It happens naturally and it is nothing I can help. I have tried for myself to be "normal" and fit in. But my mental health and being myself is more important to me. Plus I never wanted to hurt a guy knowing how I felt. However I am attracted to some of them, but not enough to have sex with without the afformentioned reactions no matter how good they look. But when I see a trans man. I feel safe, like their body is okay with me. I agreed to hang out with one and see where things go but today I had those same disgusted feelings I get towards cis men. I like them as a person and find them attractive, I don't know if I'll get used to them being male because that's what they are. That's what threw me off. I'm going out with a guy and I don't like men. And they view themselves as real men and I believe them to a point where I had that same reaction. I don't want to hurt anybody or get hurt. Idk what to do. I think I like their "spirit" more than anything. It's a nee segway for more. I am okay with being pans and I just don't date cis gendered men maybe? I guess its just an adjustment.. idk...

  2. #2
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    ...

    If you aren't attracted to men, don't date men.

    It's quite simple really.

    You can't say you just won't date cis men when you also said you get disgusted at trans men too.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    The repulsion is what concerns me. Strikes me as kinda phobic. I'm not at all attracted to men but I can't say I've ever been repulsed by dudes. My brain just kinda tells myself, "Yeah, guy, you're just not into men." And it's not a matter of being personally offended as someone who is and who has always been a straight man that I mention that. In your shoes, at least as far as I could possibly hope to relate, I wouldn't feel comfortable seriously dating a trans-man without being open about my predisposition to being disgusted by cis-men. Not necessarily saying you can't date them, but I do think they're entitled to know your deep-rooted feelings as, though they may not be cis-men, I'm sure by the very nature of their identity they'd empathize to some degree with men in general.

  4. #4
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    Originally Posted by j.man
    The repulsion is what concerns me. Strikes me as kinda phobic. I'm not at all attracted to men but I can't say I've ever been repulsed by dudes. My brain just kinda tells myself, "Yeah, guy, you're just not into men." And it's not a matter of being personally offended as someone who is and who has always been a straight man that I mention that. In your shoes, at least as far as I could possibly hope to relate, I wouldn't feel comfortable seriously dating a trans-man without being open about my predisposition to being disgusted by cis-men. Not necessarily saying you can't date them, but I do think they're entitled to know your deep-rooted feelings as, though they may not be cis-men, I'm sure by the very nature of their identity they'd empathize to some degree with men in general.
    I think it has a lot to do with me having to hide who i am for so long. I think men are awesome outside of romance and sex. I don't think I have a phobia so much as my body feels like it is saying "enough is enough" other than that I'm fine with men. I think I can hang with him as a friend. You're right. It's still a man.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member mustlovedogs's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by thejazzynator
    I think it has a lot to do with me having to hide who i am for so long. I think men are awesome outside of romance and sex. I don't think I have a phobia so much as my body feels like it is saying "enough is enough" other than that I'm fine with men. I think I can hang with him as a friend. You're right. It's still a man.
    He's still a man.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mustlovedogs
    ...

    If you aren't attracted to men, don't date men.

    It's quite simple really.


    You can't say you just won't date cis men when you also said you get disgusted at trans men too.
    Totally agree. If you're lesbian, stick to girls - no stress and you're happy.

  8. #7
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    I don't get it! If you don't like dudes, then why would you consider a trans? Unless, she had had the surgery?

    Just stick with lesbians and stop making things so confusing.


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