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I think my 11yo needs psychological help.


Perrin83

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Edit: Derpy Grammar

 

My daughter told a kid at daycare, today, that she hoped he'd "get hit by a truck". Apparently, he said something to her that she didn't like. I'm not sure what he said, but I don't think it was very bad, because she told one of the teachers there what he said and they told her not to be a tattle-tale.

 

She thinks what she said is OK because she didn't say it directly at him. She's also justifying her actions as a way to relieve stress (caused by what he said). We just had a talk last night about using nice words AND nice tone when you're talking to someone, because she uses polite words with her sister (sometimes) but says it caustically.

 

I don't know what to do anymore...she's horribly disrespectful to her stepmom and I and rarely nice to her sister.

 

I'm not the custodial parent, and I've talked to her mom and stepdad about getting her in to see a psychologist/psychiatrist, but nothing has happened yet.

 

I'm thinking about emailing her mom and telling her that our daughter needs to see someone and that, if she doesn't, I'll petition the court to order her to take our daughter or allow me to.

 

Is this a wise course of action?

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Idk. Young girls go through puberty early and often can become hormonal and touchy at a young age. I remember being mouthy and my mother said I was impossible from about 10 until my mid teens. Never got professional help and I think if they would have pressed it I would have just given the therapist an attitude lol. It starts early! My parents said they had to talk to someone about handling my behavior (a counsellor I'm guessing?) but I think that is a better route to tackle the situation first. Unless of course there are issues in the home or something more deep rooted that you think is causing her to act out in an inappropriate fashion.

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, because she told one of the teachers there what he said and they told her not to be a tattle-tale.

 

I'd actually be more concerned with this - her teachers are telling her that if someone is treating her poorly she just needs to suck it up. That's a bad lesson for a child to be learning. Have you asked her what he said?

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At 11 she's hitting puberty and also discovering herself and trying to find her way in the world, even tho she's still technically a kid. I was a mouthy brat so my mother said, and I may well have told some kid who was annoying me the same thing your kid did. I think it's kids being kids, not necessarily a sign of a problem. Kids act out all the time in so many ways. Especially girls, they become little drama queens at a young age and perfect it as they hit adolescence. I dont think she is necessarily a candidate for therapy or counselling. My own daughter was mouthy at the same age and into her early teens. She outgrew her attitude as did I. Keep the lines of communication open with your daughter and emphasize good manners and behaviour.

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It's a mean thing to say, but requesting a psychological evaluation for it? Too overboard. Welcome to raising a pre-teen. When I used to teach I've heard six graders (particularly the girls) say similar nasty stuff. Now if she is directly and physically threatening her peers or saying she fantasizes torturing/killing them, then that warrants a visit to a child therapist.

 

I would definitely talk to your child about what was said between her and the other kid, then possibly talk to teacher. There needs to be an established procedure of helping kids differniating between what is reporting (helping someone) and what is tattling (just to get a person you don't like in trouble). I used to volunteer at after school daycares and unfortunately not many of them have solid classroom management routines. But you can't do anything until you get the full story of what the other kid said and how it was handled.

 

I'd actually be more concerned with this - her teachers are telling her that if someone is treating her poorly she just needs to suck it up. That's a bad lesson for a child to be learning.

I disagree. It depends on the context of the conversation. Was the other child making threatening remarks, or was he saying things she just personally did not like/disagreed with? Because in the real world, we deal with people who say things we don't like all the time, and sometimes the best way to handle it is to let it roll off your back or avoid the person. Just look at how adults bring up politics for an example.

 

We just had a talk last night about using nice words AND nice tone when you're talking to someone

Telling people to use "nice words"... comes off babyish, something to use with elementary school kids. She is a secondary student now. She is about to be a teenager. I would change the vocabulary to something more age-appropriate, and start teaching examples like social conversations etiquette, the difference between rude and bullying, and how to handle disagreements effectively without name calling or attacking (a lifeskill most adults need). But "nice" is:

1. Very subjective. You can use "nice" words and feign "nice" tone to come across as a passive aggressive smart alec (I was a master at this throughout my teen years).

2. Being overly nice makes you look weaker, a pushover, and a target for bullying/peer pressure (huge problems with older kids)

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Perrin.

 

She sounds like a right handful.

 

My daughter told a kid at daycare, today, that she hoped he'd "get hit by a truck".

 

There is malice in that. It isn't just being "mouthy".

 

And no, not all children say things like that either. I certainly know I didn't. And I can tell you I was a right spirited child!

 

Then again children copy what they hear in the home.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Without context, (what kind of tone of voice, is that something she's heard on a movie or from someone else, what was said to her) it's hard to say for sure just how malicious it was, but as a 5th grade teacher, hearing an eleven year old say that to another child would be cause for discipline, but definitely not a psych evaluation unless there are other things going on. Is there any reason to think she was seriously wishing violent death on that child instead of just being a jerk? How does she normally interact with her peers? Does she have many friends? Have you or her mom or stepdad talked to her teachers and daycare workers about whether this is a consistent pattern with her? What are their concerns?

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