Not attracted to my gf of 10 months without makeup

Hey not sure if this is the right place to ask this but here it goes.

Okay so my girlfriend and I get along so well. We have the same sense of humour, similar aspirations, and we are each others best friends. Literally the only problem I have, and I hate that it's a problem, is that I am not really attracted to her when she isnt wearing makeup. She is out of my league when she is all dolled up but when she isn't, which she only does around me, she isn't as attractive (probably less attractive than other women I've been with).. Absolutely beautiful features but she has bad skin, mostly acne scars. She does take care of herself but she doesn't seem to care as much as I do. I probably care more tbh and that most likely stems from my own insecurities.. She is such a good girl but I want to be physically attracted to her no matter how much effort she puts into her appearance. I guess what I'm wondering, is it possible to be in a truly happy relationship with someone who you aren't naturally attracted to? Will I feel like I'm settling years down the line?

BTW I hope I don't seem like too much of a shallow , it's just something I had to get off of my chest.

Yes you are very shallow. This woman can't help that she has acne scars. Sometimes people as a teen take great care of the skin but sometimes it runs in families to have severe acne issues. You are not "settling" because you have a wonderful woman who is your best friend who has a great sense of humor and has similar aspirations as you and is beautiful but she unfortunately she is dating a jerk. Break up with her and don't hang on to her as a friend - set her free so she can find a man who is honored to have a wonderful woman at his side. I really feel you don't love this woman - because if you did, you would love her with or without makeup. Or grow the heck up. I am sure you don't look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney or whoever people find attractive these days either.

You've been with her for 10 months... surely you love her for more then what she looks like without makeup by now... you know, for her personality and how she makes you feel valued and all that.

I suspect she isn't attracted to you when you've got morning breath but it's something that someone overlooks when they are actually in love with that person.

You've been with her for 10 months... surely you love her for more then what she looks like without makeup by now... you know, for her personality and how she makes you feel valued and all that.

 

I suspect she isn't attracted to you when you've got morning breath but it's something that someone overlooks when they are actually in love with that person.

And she doesn't think about the beer gut he is sure to have in 15 years.

I'm not going to say you're shallow (though you may well be), but I WILL say your relationship is shallow. It is not uncommon for people to let themselves go when they get into a serious relationship. People's looks universally fade over time too. Established relationships can survive that. Shallow one's won't.

Ugh. It doesn't sound like you should date this woman. You do come off as shallow. But hey! You are shallow! You should let this woman find someone who is actually attracted to her. It's the nicest thing to do. Do you think she would really want to stay with you if you told her you only think she is hot in make-up? yuck. If you are shallow only date people who already meet your beauty standards and hope and pray they don't get old or have an accident or gain weight... or any other life things.

You've been with her for 10 months... surely you love her for more then what she looks like without makeup by now... you know, for her personality and how she makes you feel valued and all that.

 

I suspect she isn't attracted to you when you've got morning breath but it's something that someone overlooks when they are actually in love with that person.

Thank you for the not so harsh reply

I am attracted to her. I guess the difference is I find her sexy and beautiful with makeup and cute/pretty without it. The question wasn't asking if I'm shallow, I said I know this is going to come off shallow. The question was can a relationship be sustained without physical attraction and will I be truly happy down the line.

Also this is my first relationship I've had. She is 19, I just turned 20. I don't have things figured out yet. I know I love this girl regardless of what any of you internet experts think but I really want honest advice that does not include me breaking up with her cause that's the last thing I want to do.

Also this is my first relationship I've had. She is 19, I just turned 20. I don't have things figured out yet. I know I love this girl regardless of what any of you internet experts think but I really want honest advice that does not include me breaking up with her cause that's the last thing I want to do.

Well, all I can say is that when you really love someone, you don't stop being attracted to them just because they're not done up 24/7.

Thank you you're right.

Oh, other posters. C'mon, give someone a break for once and try to be empathetic.

OP, you aren't shallow. If you aren't physically attracted to someone at the 10 months mark, that might be a chemistry/compatibility issue. You might have gone after the person you thought was out of your league, but now that she doesn't particularly try around you, you aren't as attracted. It's like seeing a commercial for a Ferrari and finding out it's a Mini cooper instead after you've bought it. For some, that wouldn't be an issue, but for you, it's okay if it is.

Don't let the women who have posted on this thread so far invalidate your feelings. They're perfectly valid, and you aren't shallow.

I am attracted to her. I guess the difference is I find her sexy and beautiful with makeup and cute/pretty without it. The question wasn't asking if I'm shallow, I said I know this is going to come off shallow. The question was can a relationship be sustained without physical attraction and will I be truly happy down the line.

No a relationship cannot survive in the long run without physical attraction. Relationships are a bit like a three legged stool - you need to have physical attraction, intellectual attraction, and emotional connection. If either one of the three is missing or weak, your stool will fall down and so will your relationship.

Sounds to me like you have a great friendship and that intellectual and even emotional connection, but the physical/sexual chemistry just isn't there. When you have genuine physical attraction, you will be hot for them even if they just got home from playing in the trash heap, filthy, dirty and stinking like a skunk with matted hair and gross breath with something stuck between their teeth. Ok.....maybe you won't be looking to jump them until after they shower, but my point is that genuine physical chemistry doesn't depend on make up or lack of.

I find her sexy and beautiful with makeup and cute/pretty without it

Oh, other posters. C'mon, give someone a break for once and try to be empathetic.

 

OP, you aren't shallow. If you aren't physically attracted to someone at the 10 months mark, that might be a chemistry/compatibility issue. You might have gone after the person you thought was out of your league, but now that she doesn't particularly try around you, you aren't as attracted. It's like seeing a commercial for a Ferrari and finding out it's a Mini cooper instead after you've bought it. For some, that wouldn't be an issue, but for you, it's okay if it is.

 

Don't let women on this forum invalidate your feelings. They're perfectly valid, and you aren't shallow.

It's fine to agree to disagree, but gender bashing doesn't solve anything.

I was stating that the women on this page who had posted before me were being overly hostile to the OP (which is unneeded) -- not directed at women in general. I apologize for how my post could have come across. I edited my previous post to reflect my original intentions.

Makeup does make a difference, but maybe you should be more subtle to her about it. Like when she is wearing it comment how amazingly beautiful she looks. Does she ever wear it with you ?? Why can't u tell her what you told us here ?

Makeup does make a difference, but maybe you should be more subtle to her about it. Like when she is wearing it comment how amazingly beautiful she looks. Does she ever wear it with you ?? Why can't u tell her what you told us here ?

How would you like to be told that you don't look as good naturally as you do with the war paint on? lolzzz

I was simply stating that the women on this page who had posted before me were being overly hostile to the OP (which is unneeded) -- not bashing women in general. I apologize for how my post may have come across. I edited my previous post to reflect my original intentions.

Personally I think I was the right amount of hostile.

Not being attracted to someone is a very good reason not to date them. An excellent reason, in fact. But yeah, I think a person is shallow if the only thing that turns someone from "out of my league" to "not attracted" is superficial. Makeup is superficial. Clothes are superficial. If makeup and clothes are what are causing attraction then it is a shallow superficial attraction.

Long term relationships need a LOT more than that. People get old. Looks only last so long. If everything goes right in a relationship you will watch your partner change away from commercial standards of beauty. Because real attraction is more then makeup deep.

When you have genuine physical attraction, you will be hot for them even if they just got home from playing in the trash heap, filthy, dirty and stinking like a skunk with matted hair and gross breath with something stuck between their teeth.

Hmm that's quite a description!

When you have genuine physical attraction, you will be hot for them even if they just got home from playing in the trash heap, filthy, dirty and stinking like a skunk with matted hair and gross breath with something stuck between their teeth.

Hmm that's quite a description!

rosephase,

That's fair, agree to disagree. I think that if OP isn't attracted to someone when their makeup is off, and their makeup is usually off, it might just be a physical attraction/compatibility issue. I don't think makeup is necessary for attraction in my relationships, but OP may be different in this case, and that's okay.

When someone opens up on ENA, "I think this is a superficial relationship" works better than "you're such a shallow person," and that's mainly why I responded in defense of the OP.

How would you like to be told that you don't look as good naturally as you do with the war paint on? lolzzz

No I dont mean tell her directly but just when she DOES have it on, say that she looks great , give her a clue for god's sake lol zzz m??

For me, I know I look a lot better with make up on and I just try to look good all the time . I just wouldn't want to initiate that conversation /Let the man say something. Ive lost a lot of weight and I take better care of myself cause I know it makes my husband happy. She should want that too.

I don't know of too many women that keep their makeup on 24/7. That of course doesn't mean they have stopped wanting their husband to appreciate them for who they are. By no means am I saying that we should wipe off the eye makeup and throw on a dirty track suit the minute we get home from work. How about he says she looks great even when she doesn't have her makeup on. *winkz* When he sees her appreciation for him appreciating her in her natural state, he will likely benefit from her good mood.

rosephase,

 

When someone opens up on ENA, "I think this is a superficial relationship" works better than "you're such a shallow person," and that's mainly why I responded in defense of the OP.

Naw, I answer all kinds of question on here with different levels of respect and kindness.

I'm a woman that lives in this culture that promotes and encourages shallowness when it comes to women's looks. It not only bugs me it makes my life worse in many ways. It's fine if a dude is shallow. But it's also fine if I point that out in less then cuddly loving terms. I think shallowness is a character flaw that can be worked on. Not that you can make yourself attracted to someone you aren't attracted to but that you can learn to be attracted to people in deeper ways.

So when the OP says: I hope this doesn't come off as me being shallow.

I think it's a fine to say: Actually it really does come off as you being shallow.