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Have not met BF's son


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We are a middle aged couple both divorced & parents of pre- & teenagers. My BF & his ex have week on, week off custody. I have my children M-F, my ex has them every weekend.

 

We have been dating for about 2 years. The only time we get alone is every other weekend due to our custody agreements. The issue is my BF won't make plans with me during these times because he feels he needs to be "on call" for his 15 yr old son when the son should be with his mother according to their custody agreement. Literally my BF will leave work, go to the ex 's house to pick up the son, spend all evening entertaining him, then deposit him back at the ex 's house to spend the night. I find this behavior bizarre on many levels. 1: the mom doesn't want time with her son?? 2: my BF is showing me that I am not important to him, as I only get to spend time with him if the son decides to stay with mom.

 

I feel like a total wench & would never tell him to choose me or his son. But is it too much to ask to make plans once every other weekend? Is it unreasonable for me to think that his 15 YO son can handle the fact that his dad is dating & can't spend ALL his time with him?

 

I pretend that he is a single dad with full custody to avoid resentment.

 

^^ presume this is the same man

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It's fairly simple for me to keep my personal life separate from my sons. I prefer it that way.

There is no need to intermingle.

If at some point I know the person I am dating is going to be in my life for the significant long haul,

then I would consider it.

I've made the mistake before. . it wasn't really a mistake, per se. . It's just totally unnecessary.

 

You haven't given any specifics. . so that's all I got.

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Back in April I gave you this advice and if nothing has changed then I'll give you the same advice now.

You've asked and he's told you that he wants to "be on call" for his son so he won't make plans with you.

 

That there is enough for you to make a decision based on whether or not what he WILL give you is enough for you. Apparently it isn't or you would just accept his ways and this thread wouldn't exist. Why do you stay with him for two years when he's not advancing this relationship past what HE wants?

 

He's not changing for you.

 

Has he started to adhere to the actual custody agreement yet?

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  • 3 weeks later...

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