Secretary Touched my Husband

Hi there. I went to have lunch with my husband and the 50 year old secretary walked by and squeezed his shoulder 3 times in one movement and kept going. She did not even speak to me nor had we been formally introduced. The BEAR inside of me wanted to rip her head off of her shoulders because 1. That was overstepping her bounds and 2. My husband and I are an extension of one another. --- Now some may say she was just being friendly but I'm sorry, you don't get that friendly with your coworkers. Hasn't anyone heard of sexual harrasment? And what will she do if I am NOT there if she will act like a when I am there? So Yeah, it makes me angry. My husband is older than her by several years but not as old as her old man she has at home. Furthermore, She is about 8 years older than me as well.

So i spoke with my honey and he got angry with me because he thinks I am just being 'gelous' and Yeah, You darn right I am. When a woman goes out of her way to touch MY HUSBAND im mad as heck and gelous. So anyway..I've read forums that say it could be just a friendly gesture, Nope..I am sorry.. that is not a friendly gesture. So a little advice... if you are married, Keep your hands to yourself. point blank.

other than that.. anyone have any feedback?

Your husband must allow it, that's why she does it.

Do you think perhaps that it might be a two way thing.

Your husband's reaction is over the top too. Do you think they might be having an affair?

Serious question though.

Oh and it's "jealous"

Oh jeeze. If a simple shoulder squeeze sets you off like this then I dont want to know what else you put your husband regularly through. AND, you would never let your husband work at where I do: here, a lot of people are touchy (in a friendly way) so it has happened many times that a female has touched my bfs shoulder or stood behind him with both hands on his shoulders.., stuff like that. I know because we work together and Ive seen it live. While Im not the biggest fan of it, I never thought of it as a big deal or something that has to be discussed with my bf. "Sexual harassment"? HAHA. No.

You are over 40 yet you dont seem to have the maturity or life experience to understand that some people just are this way, it is part of how they interact with people and it doesnt mean a THING to them, nor are they trying to flirt in any way. In fact I know soo many people who are friendly-touchy like that and squeeze their colleagues shoulders or arms or whatever. Be sure that his secretary does that with everyone and not just your husband. So unless there is a REAL reason to be suspicious and upset, you are not doing yourself or your marriage any favor by dwelling on your irrational cattiness and jealousy.

To my mind, if this woman is out of line and crossing boundaries, then your husband should put her in her place.

Feedback?

You are extremely insecure. A shoulder squeeze is enough to want to tear a woman's head off? That says a lot more about you than her. Also, a shoulder squeeze is not sexual harassment.

Is there a history of jealousy or infidelity in your marriage or something?

My husband and I are an extension of one another.

^^^^ I think that is probably how you feel , not him , that's a very intense thing to say , you are two individuals who have chosen to be together and the vibe

from your post is you feel like this but he doesn't .

However I am on your side to a degree , I think I would have being a bit miffed as well , they obviously do have a relationship , how far that has gone though is not something I can answer . People do become familiar in the work place because you can end up spending more time with colleagues then your actually family . Sounds like it was just friendly .

I agree with others, it's up to your husband to not let things happen like this. She might have just been friendly. But I agree too, I wouldn't be too keen on it.

She squeezed his what!

"....50 year old secretary walked by and squeezed his shoulder 3 times in one movement and kept going. "

News to me. Never knew the fully dressed shoulder is an erogenous zone.

One of the managers at work placed his hand over mine when he told me he'd made a mistake when he previously told me I left out something on a project. I didn't immediately think he was making a "pass" at me! This is just what he does.

I sometimes tap someone on the shoulder when I'm saying something funny. I'm not hitting on them either.

I think the issue is this: you are uncomfortable with this, and you've expressed this discomfort to your husband.

In my mind, it doesn't matter if it's because you're jealous, of if you're insecure, or if it's because you have purple and green hair.

What matters is, this causes you discomfort, and you've expressed this feeling to your husband. And he threw it back in your face. Me no likey.

Your husband should be protective of your feelings, over his shoulder-rubbing secretary, and kindly have her stop this. And reassure you that this is nothing more than a friendly gesture, etc.

FWIW: I wouldn't like this either.

I have a "friend" (term loosely used) who kept touching my BF's arm one night while she was talking to him, letting her hand rest on his forearm as she told him stories. I didn't say a word, but later on, he told me it actually made him feel uncomfortable. Me too. She also slipped him her business card, which he threw on the table when we got home. It's been about a year, and she is no longer considered a friend by me. I still see her occasionally, as we are in the same social circles, but it's clear to me that her intentions were not good. So I do get where you're coming from.

My ex suffered heavily from jealousy, it destroyed what we had. I remember we had a screaming argument after we came home from a friends birthday party. Apparently one of my other friends wife came over to talk to me (that much is true) but she touched my jacket !! and I laughed at something she said, but I didn't share the joke with my ex !! I was accused for weeks after that of having an affair with this woman ! We split up soon after that as her insecurities were destructive.

I think you are completely over reacting and you need to deal with your jealousy and insecurities.

A shoulder squeeze can mean a lot of things. A coworker gave his wife a gift that a coworker was trying to convince him that his wife would love. The coworker was there when the wife arrived - face glowing and raving about the gift and the coworker did a shoulder squeeze as they walked by as a "see, i told you!" So if your husband is your world and you are his --- don't make a mountain out of a molehill. You can also deal with it humorously. if you see her doing it you can make a comment "Yeah, those aren't shoulder pads, they are real." to catch her off guard.

Well I am a weird person with physical touch. That would be unacceptable to me being the one being touched that way. It would only really set me off if my wife was feeling weird about someone touching her and they continued.

You can't really do much though if it isn't you, because it is totally up to your husband on whether it is acceptable or not.

If you husband had no issues with it and you do that is for you two to reconcile between each other.

If you have an insecurity with your husband receiving attention I do think it is your issue but that doesn't mean you shouldn't bring it up with him either. I would just approach it a lot less aggressively and just be honest about it. If he gives you a "tough luck" then you don't really have much you can do, either get over it or start building a lot of resentment over time.

Back up to this: " My husband and I are an extension of one another"

You are two separate people.

This is your husband's business. Do you trust him? THAT is the issue. If you trust him, then trust him, and love him, and be a good partner, respecting him and his ability to judge for himself his own boundaries.

I've had co-workers touch or squeeze my shoulder, and I never felt it was sexual harassment, never felt anything was implied, felt no pressure to reciprocate or act a certain way.

I'll add, if you don't trust your husband, focus there.