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How did you learn how to love and accept yourself?


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I'm 23 years old female with and I have always been insecure about myself. I literally feel like I'm the ugliest girl in the world and I'm not worth anyone's time. I have always been super jealous of my friends that have had better luck than me in every area of their lives. I see my friends on social media happy, with friends, and in loving relationships etc and then there's me. I just wish I can be confident and love myself as everyone tells me to. I've been trying to find the way to love me. But I don't know how?? I'm so insecure, I can't even post selfies on Instagram or Facebook. I always overthink a picture I post and end up deleting it and feeling ashamed. I just want to be happy in my skin..

 

So how did YOU learn how to love and accept yourself?

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What helped me to gain some confidence is going to the gym. It isnt so much for the looks,but rather figuring out that you are doing your best,and understanding how much effort it takes.

 

You see,since we were kids we were taught that you have to be the best. But going to the gym made me realize I will never be the best, I will never be the strongest and I will never be the most handsome guy in the universe. But neither will 99.9999999% of other people. You realize it's useless to compare to others,no 2 people are the same and no 2 people have the same circumstances. You can always just be the best version of yourself.

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My mother raised me to believe I was worthless and nobody would ever want me. That does terrible things to a kid. I had to grow up and mature. Have you heard the line - with age comes wisdom? That is so true. As you mature and get older and learn about yourself and figure out what you want in life you become more confident and able to move forward in a positive way. It took me to well into my 30s before I ever believed anyone could want me for me and appreciate me. I got there in the end and you will too. If it takes some counselling to help you along the way, do it. You need to learn to value yourself.

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My mother raised me to believe I was worthless and nobody would ever want me. That does terrible things to a kid. I had to grow up and mature. Have you heard the line - with age comes wisdom? That is so true. As you mature and get older and learn about yourself and figure out what you want in life you become more confident and able to move forward in a positive way. It took me to well into my 30s before I ever believed anyone could want me for me and appreciate me. I got there in the end and you will too. If it takes some counselling to help you along the way, do it. You need to learn to value yourself.

 

Ditto Melon except my biggest bully was my dad and stepmom. It also took me well into my 30's before I realized I'm pretty awesome.

 

What helped me? So many things, I read a lot of self-help books. knowledge is power.

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I'm 23 years old female with and I have always been insecure about myself. I literally feel like I'm the ugliest girl in the world and I'm not worth anyone's time. I have always been super jealous of my friends that have had better luck than me in every area of their lives. I see my friends on social media happy, with friends, and in loving relationships etc and then there's me. I just wish I can be confident and love myself as everyone tells me to. I've been trying to find the way to love me. But I don't know how?? I'm so insecure, I can't even post selfies on Instagram or Facebook. I always overthink a picture I post and end up deleting it and feeling ashamed. I just want to be happy in my skin..

 

So how did YOU learn how to love and accept yourself?

 

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel." - Steve Furtick

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I'm 23 years old female with and I have always been insecure about myself. I literally feel like I'm the ugliest girl in the world and I'm not worth anyone's time. I have always been super jealous of my friends that have had better luck than me in every area of their lives. I see my friends on social media happy, with friends, and in loving relationships etc and then there's me. I just wish I can be confident and love myself as everyone tells me to. I've been trying to find the way to love me. But I don't know how?? I'm so insecure, I can't even post selfies on Instagram or Facebook. I always overthink a picture I post and end up deleting it and feeling ashamed. I just want to be happy in my skin..

 

So how did YOU learn how to love and accept yourself?

 

Check out the untethered soul by Singer. This could help you.

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Most helpful to me were three things: 1) I stopped comparing myself to others, 2) I grasped that I'm unique and won't click well with everybody, and 3) I quit making everything about me.

 

Comparisons are a waste, because there's never been a level playing field. Somebody will always be luckier in terms of wealth, health, looks or something else I can point to and feel lousy about--so why not just keep my eyes on my own paper and assign valuable qualities to myself, like resilience and optimism and creativity? From there, I can feel good about the good fortunes of others because I've got my own shtick to feel good about for myself.

 

Learning that as we mature, we solidify into our own unique personalities taught me that I must have matured early in this regard--because most of the fluff that ever bonded most my friends together bored the hell out of me. I have an odd sense of humor, and when I'm lucky enough to cross paths with someone who 'gets me,' I'm inspired and thrilled--but that's a rare bird. Well, rare is the point, if you think about it. The reason young children can homogenize well with others is because they're blank slates. Intelligence is a lonely place because it forms a unique vision. When you can happen upon someone who clicks with you, you'll value them, they'll value you, and that's the stuff of simpatico that's worth holding out for. Everyone else is an acquaintance.

 

I got out of my own way by recognizing that not everything is about me. Self preoccupation is a form of narcissism, no matter how insecure the driver. When I can step aside and make friends, family or my basic love of humanity prevail as my focus, then I can throw myself into the moment and enjOy creating good memories for people. I stopped attention seeking and grasped the power of invisibility. Another phrase for this is 'observer mode' where I don't need to be the center of anyone else's focus--I can go quiet and feel comfortable making those around me comfortable. This has turned out to be the best bonding device I know. At parties I keep busy helping the host prep or serve food, pour or deliver drinks, clean up, and I get to enjoy small private conversations along the way as the time flies. So there's no angst or worry about how I look or behave or come off--my insecurities take a back seat to being useful. I plug this into every encounter with a friend or loved one--I make it about THEM, not me. I end up having a wonderful time treating others as special, and in the process, I end up feeling valued and grateful to have these people in my life.

 

Same is true of finding private interests and passions. I explore things to learn what I love or could live without, and I throw myself into the activities that inspire me and keep me too focused to ruminate on self preoccupations. Over time, the good stuff outweighs the insecurities, and those drop away because I don't have the time or inclination to keep feeding them.

 

Everyone has times of insecurity. The good news is, given that those are universal, they don't make anyone a freak. That IS a level playing ground unless I choose to go overboard and drill myself into a deeper hole to climb out of. I've learned that there's zero value to that, so I've quit doing it. Life becomes so much simpler when your expectations are focused on positive pursuits rather than useless mind drills. Those are a habit that CAN be changed. It's a decision.

 

Head high, and big (((HUG))) to your Self.

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  • 5 months later...

Life is so much more than taking selfies. I think social media can be very damaging. Maybe try giving it a break and living in the real world. Finding hobbies where you excel. I think self love happens over time. As you learn who you are at your core you become more confident. You are still so young and have so much time! "What you think about you bring about". If you keep talking negatively then you will only welcome negativity into your life.

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