Cold feet

I've been interviewing for a job I really wanted, a job that lets me do exactly what I love all day. It's involved a lot of twists and turns as job ads went up, then down, then up again, then altered. The department is going through a lot of structural changes so while I understand, it's still been tough.

I don't know why, but I lost all interest in the job about 2 weeks ago. I've waited to see if that was temporary, caused by stress, etc. That doesn't seem to be the case. HR called me yesterday with an update, and all I could think was, "I don't care. Take as long as you want because I'm moving on." I didn't say that - I just thought it.

Has this happened to anyone? You just lose interest?

I have 2 concerns about it. First, it's not like me to suddenly change my mind. It's making me feel like I'm crazy. Second, if offered the job and I refuse, I'd likely burn an important business relationship with a former colleague.

I think that it's very normal, when you are kind of (unintentionally) being jerked around, for you to lose excitement and interest.

That may (or may not) change if you actually get a job offer.

In the meantime, I think you should keep looking for other opportunities.

As far as the former colleague, I wouldn't worry about it. It is very clear that they are restructuring and kind of (unintentionally) jerking you around. It is extremely reasonable to not want to work for a company who is going through that much restructuring. If they can't see and understand what's going on like a reasonable person, they are not human (lol!). You should not feel pressure under these circumstances. You should be able to clearly explain the situation.

My advice would be to not overthink. Keep looking for other jobs and assess the situation and what's on the table if and when you get an actual job offer.

Make a pros and cons list of keeping your present job versus taking the job offer. I don't understand why you'd burn the business relationship. A person with a healthy mentality will realize each person needs to do what's best for themselves. They can be disappointed, but if they had a tantrum and cut you from their business life, so be it. You can't please everyone so you've got to please yourself.

I think you owe it to yourself to get to the bottom of the ambivalence and get clarity on that. You are incredibly lucky to have found such a potentially good fit. But - make sure that it's not something that's nagging at you about "too good to be true" where the "to be true" part is an actual concern- maybe someone you'd have to work with, etc.

Last year I spent 24 days working on a job application for a job that was actually also temporarily down then up. The application was heinous. And I didn't think I had a good chance of getting it for various reasons. Luckily from the day I put in the application to the day I got the offer was about two weeks and I started 10 days later. I didn't have the "disinterested" experience but after all that I did then get concerned that I wouldn't be able to do the job (mostly having to do with the logistics of my lifestyle/schedule) - so not "cold feet" but definitely jitters.

I would absolutely take the job despite the disinterest unless there is an actual reason that is a dealbreaker because these opportunities are so few and far between (took me over a year to find my dream job. It is not always a dream job because no job is but I am thrilled I went through that heinous application process).

Have you lost interest in doing the work itself, or are you just sick of waiting for the job to come thru and getting disillusioned by waiting for it to come thru?

My two most favorite jobs took a long time for the offers to come thru. One got hung up when the company froze hiring for a while while the company evaluated their budgets and organizational structure. They kept saying they really wanted me but had to wait until they'd finished that process before they could hire anybody. I eventually got the offer and worked there happily for 15 years.

So you need to evaluate whether the problem is impatience/frustration with the hiring process or that the job itself is something you've decided you don't want to do. One is a temporary annoyance and the other means you probably should pursue different work.

If they snooze they may lose, so don't feel bad if you find something better and they lose out. Not your problem

Thank you - you've given me some good questions to ponder.

On the business relationship, he was largely responsible for me getting the interviews. He told the other directors (his peers) that this job is my forte, and he can't think of anyone better to do it. I don't want to make him look bad if they make an offer and I refuse. He does whatever is in his best interest, even if it's not particularly ethical or honest. Since he's one of my strongest references, it's not in my best interest to alienate him. Our industry is pretty small - I sat in an interview up north with strangers discussing mutual colleagues that are now living in the west and northwest.

The job itself, the work - still exciting! There is another position locally that's very similar. I'm happy to see that what I do is becoming a more common position. My "thing" is to bring order and efficiency to chaos, to understand the details and make them work from a high-level view. This job would be tackling several sub systems, unraveling their mysteries/glitches, developing processes, and training staff nationwide on best practices, all from an accounting perspective.

I've done this work before, I'm doing it now, but it's usually limited to one system. And once fixed, they try to pigeon-hole me into staying with it, probably thinking it will all fall apart if I leave. I've never been offered the opportunity to just fix stuff, make it work, and then fix other stuff. It makes sense for businesses to have a person who does this...it's not like we buy systems and then never have to upgrade them or change them, lol. And it makes tons of sense to have an experienced accountant dedicated to making sure the data is good, and that we understand what's in it.

There's a funny meme that defines Accountant - someone who does precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge.

That makes me laugh, but there's a lot of truth to the unreliable data part. I'll pretend I didn't hear the precision guesswork part

Totally off topic, situation normal for me, lol.

On my cold feet, I think it's gone on so long that some detachment might be normal (?) and it's a lot of stress as well. Just the logistics and expense of moving is difficult, plus I start grad school in 3 weeks. Part of me is thinking, "Stay with the misery I know, because I can handle my current job, school, and my hobbies."

Thank you - you've given me some good questions to ponder.

 

On the business relationship, he was largely responsible for me getting the interviews. He told the other directors (his peers) that this job is my forte, and he can't think of anyone better to do it. I don't want to make him look bad if they make an offer and I refuse. He does whatever is in his best interest, even if it's not particularly ethical or honest. Since he's one of my strongest references, it's not in my best interest to alienate him. Our industry is pretty small - I sat in an interview up north with strangers discussing mutual colleagues that are now living in the west and northwest.

 

The job itself, the work - still exciting! There is another position locally that's very similar. I'm happy to see that what I do is becoming a more common position. My "thing" is to bring order and efficiency to chaos, to understand the details and make them work from a high-level view. This job would be tackling several sub systems, unraveling their mysteries/glitches, developing processes, and training staff nationwide on best practices, all from an accounting perspective.

 

I've done this work before, I'm doing it now, but it's usually limited to one system. And once fixed, they try to pigeon-hole me into staying with it, probably thinking it will all fall apart if I leave. I've never been offered the opportunity to just fix stuff, make it work, and then fix other stuff. It makes sense for businesses to have a person who does this...it's not like we buy systems and then never have to upgrade them or change them, lol. And it makes tons of sense to have an experienced accountant dedicated to making sure the data is good, and that we understand what's in it.

 

There's a funny meme that defines Accountant - someone who does precision guesswork based on unreliable data provided by those of questionable knowledge.

 

That makes me laugh, but there's a lot of truth to the unreliable data part. I'll pretend I didn't hear the precision guesswork part

 

Totally off topic, situation normal for me, lol.

 

On my cold feet, I think it's gone on so long that some detachment might be normal (?) and it's a lot of stress as well. Just the logistics and expense of moving is difficult, plus I start grad school in 3 weeks. Part of me is thinking, "Stay with the misery I know, because I can handle my current job, school, and my hobbies."

Check out a column in this month's Oprah - i think by the founder of momastery if I remember it right - but page through it and see the article on facing fears, etc.

Check out a column in this month's Oprah - i think by the founder of momastery if I remember it right - but page through it and see the article on facing fears, etc.

I checked online and didn't see the article. I'll check a bookstore for the magazine this weekend. I did do some Googling on fears...maybe you're right, and I'm just feeling unnerved at the thought of a near perfect job.

I definitely feel some concern about a new job and grad school at the same time. I ease that one by realizing I can take a break from school if needed.

I'm super worried about the move itself, living arrangements, finances. My daughter lives in that area, and has asked me to move there. So I'm definitely moving there - it's just a question of when and what job. The area is completely foreign to me, so I've no idea what suburb to live in that is close to work, easy to travel to her, and affordable. I've been looking at short-term rentals for the initial move, if I get/accept the job. That'll give me time to search out the area and the commutes.

I don't mind moving across the country (again). It just feels different this time - out of my control in some weird way. I can say that the cost of living increase is a staggering 27-29% and that has me reeling.

The job itself....meh. Maybe it's just gone on too long. We've been playing with this since Feb. HR said I should hear next week, and I'm the front runner.

It helps to get my thoughts out, and to hear feedback. Thank you

A lot of changes! Ironically I just had breakfast with 3 women this morning (I never get to do that!), two of whom moved to my city (where I have lived for 8 years, following 43 years in another city hundreds of miles away) 3 weeks ago. They are in their 40s and have kids. They're doing fine but I can relate to the sense of disorientation, loss of control, fear. I combined my relocation with a new marriage, new baby, first time unemployed -so I don't know which major life change hit me the most lol but yes that's a lot of change and them dragging their feet is just exacerbated by that! I hope you're feeling better today.

Holy cow! That was a ton of change for you all at once! How did you work through it? Did your friends move for jobs? Did they talk about how they made the final decision to move? If I'm prying, let me know.

I'm feeling better today, thank you. My thoughts are still cycling and I'm all over the place, lol, but I'm able to catch myself when I have a ridiculous thought crop up. I know myself pretty well, and ambiguity in my living arrangements is well outside my comfort zone. I can do it, I've done it before...with some kicking and moaning along the way! I simply hate it with every fiber of my being, lol

I've been trying to focus on how I feel about the job itself. I definitely want a position where I get to stretch my mind. When I first take on something new, I'm thoroughly engrossed, and I love it. Once I've mastered it, I lose interest. So handling all aspects of accounting rather than one aspect is something I really want. This job offers it, and so does a local job I'm interviewing for tomorrow.

So I know of a lot of people who relocated for jobs or their spouse's job. I was a little more prepared since, when we started dating again, I knew his job required my geographic flexibility so I had that mindset going in. What I didn't know of course was that at the same time I'd be pregnant, need to stay in my city during pregnancy while he started his job 800 miles away. He made it to the hospital as soon as my epidural kicked in LOL.

The decisions are so individual -sometimes it's about finances, sometimes about career advancement. Not at all prying.

I am so glad you're putting in all this thought and effort to having a healthy attitude about this upcoming change.

I am rooting for you whatever you decide! Someday you'll help someone else make this decision too.

Update -

I took the job offer, and relocated up north. I'm pretty sure I did the right thing because every so often I stop and ask myself, "What the heck are you doing? Can you handle this?" Then I shrug and say, "I'm in it now. Just keep my head down and do my thing." A little stretch and growth is good.

The team and the company is great! I'm very happy that I took the leap, and got over my fears. I found a nice apartment very close to work, and have started grad school, too. My LDR will be moving here after the holidays. I'm close to my daughter and SIL. It's beautiful here and there is so much to do!

Just wanted to update, and thank you for your help. Without it, I might not be here

Wow!!! Congratulations and very impressive!! So glad it is working out for you and thanks so much for the update.