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Thread: Meeting parents of a guy friend - HELP

  1. #11
    Sunshinesun82

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    Danzee,
    Thanks for that, have a look at my last reply. It may give you a better insight, lease let me know what do you think?

  2. #12
    Sunshinesun82

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    Quote Originally Posted by DanZee [Register to see the link]
    Oh, boy. I think the previous answers almost cover it all, but I'll take it a little further. Even in the US, meeting one's parents is serious business, and if he's Indian or Asian, it's REALLY serious. And to make things worse, he may have told them you're his girlfriend or even his fiancee to get them to stop nagging him about finding a girl to marry.

    But there's more to it than that. This guy is using you as a crutch. He's an emotional vampire. He's sucking your life from you. It sounds like he's completely taken over your life. Your maternal instincts have kicked in and you're trying to be nurturing. You're trying to nurse him back to health like a sick animal. But he's physically and mentally blocked you from meeting any new people. He's completely monopolized your time, trying to keep you all to himself. Cut you off from everybody else.

    Here's the big question: How do YOU feel? Your posts don't seem to have a shred of happiness in them. Relationships don't have to have so many problems.

    You didn't state your age. I'm guessing it's younger than him. You've got more life ahead of you. Try to break away from this guy.
    I love the time we spend together, we have a lot in common, we have fun together - 22/07 spent the whole day out just the 2 of us at the beach, he dinned me, we both had a great time - many texts saying thank you for such a lovely day toguether, pics together. He did not act as "depressed" at all. I asked him - I cant see you behaving as someone depressed when we are together? how come? - and the response was that I am a really good company, but feels down sometimes but is able to hide it so he does not spoil the day for me.
    I had a episode of depression in the past and so cound not hide it - so, I dont know how much is true!

  3. #13
    LaHermes
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    Sunshine.

    You said he is seeing a psychiatrist and is on medication/treatment. The medication is designed to help the depressed person. That is why he can cope: the medication/therapy.

    Do you think he is seeing a psychiatrist for fun? Or taking medication?

    Unless of course he is pretending to see the psychiatrist and is pretending to take medication.

    However, the bottom line is that you are in love with him but he is not in love with you...

  4. #14
    Snny
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    The second time we spoke about my feelings (7 days ago) was when I explained him that I was on a dating site, met a couple of really nice guys, but I was unable to to even open myself to any of them simply because I had him in my mind (and its true, I cant feel anything for other man, just him). I explained, apologised and told him that I needed our friendship to be less "deep"
    You shouldn't have apologized. This is showing a sign of weakness and indecisiveness. You are not together with him. You did nothing wrong and are trying to move forward. You had every right to look up people on a dating website and explore other options. Please stick with the plan.

    Definitely decline the invite. Tell him he should be spending time with his parents alone unless other friends are joining his family. And stand firm to this.

    I never had such connection with anyone either, perhaps just my mother, we speak every day on the phone, spend days out at leat once/week, he helps me with my work everyday, he goes out of his way completly to help me.
    Surely you have other friends whom you can chat spend time with? Because constantly contacting/hanging out with him does come off as you are dating him.

    I just dont wnat to let him go, in case what he says about his depression is true and he is actually the man of my life.
    Clearly you DO want to let him go if you signed up with a dating website. And deep down you also know this man cannot GIVE what you want from him. He has explicitly told you that he isn't looking for a relationship and he is unable to make coerce decisions based on his mental state, yet earlier you accused him of playing mind games.

    It is what it is. No one is playing you here.

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  6. #15
    Sunshinesun82

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    It is what it is. No one is playing you here.[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! I so need to hear that, I mean it.
    I need to live my life, not his. I said enough of this to myself, several times. And to him, last week.
    I must stand what I want to myself. Enough is enough!

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  8. #16
    DancingFool
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    Haven't read all the responses so this is just to your original question. No, it doesn't necessarily mean anything to meet a friend's parents. Quite normal really under the circumstances. Trouble is that when you have feelings for someone, you are liable to read into things that aren't necessarily there. I dare say that I've met most of my friends' parents when they've come down to visit them or when I've been the one visiting some friends who have moved closer to their fam. Sometimes, more company simply means more fun and there is nothing more to it than that.

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  10. #17
    abitbroken
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    Haven't read all the responses so this is just to your original question. No, it doesn't necessarily mean anything to meet a friend's parents. Quite normal really under the circumstances. Trouble is that when you have feelings for someone, you are liable to read into things that aren't necessarily there. I dare say that I've met most of my friends' parents when they've come down to visit them or when I've been the one visiting some friends who have moved closer to their fam. Sometimes, more company simply means more fun and there is nothing more to it than that.
    If they are from a culture where the parents don't meet someone you are dating until an engagement is directly imminent or had just happened, it is a big deal. if they are ex-pats from the US or Canada and are coming for a visit, that's one thing, but if they are from an Asian country, for example, and have not visited their son in America, or its a very seldom occurence, then its another matter - and could even be to assure the parents that he has a woman, etc... the whole fake girlfriend thing. Also, because his invite came after your declaration of your feelings, it could be meant as a breadcrumb to you.

    I would not get any more embroiled in this guy. You will be miserable if you continue you this. he is emotionally unable to be in a relationship and you know it - yet you torture yourself. I think you need to cut contact with this man. maybe forever. maybe for a year so that your "friendship" can evolve into a normal friendship. You deserve so much more.

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  12. #18
    DancingFool
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    Quote Originally Posted by abitbroken [Register to see the link]
    If they are from a culture where the parents don't meet someone you are dating until an engagement is directly imminent or had just happened, it is a big deal. if they are ex-pats from the US or Canada and are coming for a visit, that's one thing, but if they are from an Asian country, for example, and have not visited their son in America, or its a very seldom occurence, then its another matter - and could even be to assure the parents that he has a woman, etc... the whole fake girlfriend thing. Also, because his invite came after your declaration of your feelings, it could be meant as a breadcrumb to you.

    I would not get any more embroiled in this guy. You will be miserable if you continue you this. he is emotionally unable to be in a relationship and you know it - yet you torture yourself. I think you need to cut contact with this man. maybe forever. maybe for a year so that your "friendship" can evolve into a normal friendship. You deserve so much more.
    ...I have friends literally from all over the world. No, when it comes to friendship there is no special meaning....because you ARE just friends. Parents are not that dumb. It's only big deal if it actually is something more. I do agree that he could be dangling something in front of the OP's nose knowing that she might read something more into it than what's warranted.

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  14. #19
    abitbroken
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    ...I have friends literally from all over the world. No, when it comes to friendship there is no special meaning....because you ARE just friends. Parents are not that dumb. It's only big deal if it actually is something more. I do agree that he could be dangling something in front of the OP's nose knowing that she might read something more into it than what's warranted.
    Point taken. I guess i just pictured this as a formal sit down vs casual burgers on the grille and why not come over. But that's just in my mind. Yes, i do agre with wanting her to read into it. Why would you talk about how you never are going to be in a relationship with someone and then invite them further into your inner circle?

  15. #20
    LaHermes
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    One cannot expect coherence from someone with this problem. Clarity of thought is not a feature of mental illness.

    He is seeing a psychiatrist, under medication and weekly counseling sessions. He is depressed because of major issues with his life long business which is dissolving. He never been suicidal, at leat is what he told me, but have had 2 other episodes of depression in his life.

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