I just feel sad about my life...

I’m trying really hard not to be upset, but I feel like I’m walking in circles. I try to stay positive but I don’t feel cared for. I have friends that like me but I feel that at the end of the day I don’t make a difference in anyone’s lives. I’m also tired of my love life.

In this year and a half that I’ve been single I haven’t met ONE guy that was worth it. All of them didn’t care or made little to no effort in order to be with me or see me. I’ve had only two guys pick me up at home and take me out to dinner (and even then we didn’t go out anymore because I felt we didn’t click), all the rest just want me to go over to their place to sleep with them or don’t care enough to come and see me or take me out to somewhere nice.

I love techno music, it hás been my passion for 5 years now and I love going to clubs on the weekends, but sometimes I just want to keep using and using drugs and I end up staying more than 24 hours awake going to after parties and such. On this weekend I had no battery after the party and had to call an Uber and the guy I hooked up with on that week was treating me really nice only because I wasn’t giving him any attention, even though we weren’t together, I still care about him as a friend. I was talking and laughing with all of our friends except for him because he was giving me a cold shoulder ever since we slept together. He asked me if I wanted to sleep at his house and I told him I didn’t want to because I had no clothes to go to work today, but when I had no battery I asked if I could leave with him so I could charge my phone at his house since we were all out of batteries. He daid he wasn’t going home because he had to pick up his stuff at his friend’s house, and I asked ok, can I still go home with you guys? And he just shrugged his should and said "I dunno", so I told him if I didn't go with them I wouldn't be able to go home and he said: not my problem. If you read my previous thread you'll see he's that kind of guy that always wants to feel superior towards people who show the littlest feeling towards him. The moment I asked if I could go with him and started giving him the least of an attention his attitude with me changed.

So my other friend called na uber for us but it full (4 people) and if the driver didn’t allow 5 I would simply get left on the street with no battery to call anyone or to go home. No one cared about that, they kept treating me bad the whole way and I felt so horrible, why was I being excluded? Out of everyone there I was the one that was last included in this group of friends and had less intimacy, but they all knew me, not even the guy that we have had little history (we were together for a little bit in the past) cared enough to see if I could get home safely. No one had a charged or phone with battery, I was no where near a taxi station and there was no public transport in my neighbour, so I was idled.

We all went to his friend’s house and I stayed in the living room charging my phone because I Just wanted to go home. Everyone started asking why I was so quiet and started treating me nicely again (I guess they realized they didn’t have to be so mean to me) except for the guy I had slept with. He wouldn’t even look or talk to me, he acted like I wasn’t even there. I went home with tears in my eyes and feeling horrible.

I’m tired of this, I’m tired of not meeting a nice person. I have friends who go out with guys here and there but usually none of them are such jerks like the ones I usually go out with. I had a friend who is younger than me and just broke up with her BF of 4 years and she met a nice guy that takes her to eat, to the park, does romantic things and all guys ever do with me is just ask if I wanna come over, never really making an effort to do anything more. If I say no to sleeping at their house they just brush it off instead of suggesting something else. It's gotten to a point that if a guy does something mean to me it doesn't every surprise me anymore, I just think "heh, normal, unusual would be if he did something nice".

I know I deserve so much, I’ve been through a lot but I´m Just tired... Yesterday I started crying before going to sleep because of everything, I love partying but I want someone to get dinner with, to laugh with and care about, I want someone to go the movies or talk about silly things with no end, I just want the simple life but I´m always alone. Sometimes I just want to leave and move to another country and start over but then I could also feel alone anywhere else in the world. The only thing that currently makes me happy is my work, because when it comes to friends and relationships I don't feel cared for at all. I have amazing friends but I always feel like I care a lot about them and when it comes to me they always put their needs first. I usually tend to try and please everyone.

My cat always sleeps with me. I always pet her and talk to her but all I did yesterday was cry, I couldn’t even pet her and she kept licking me and purring and rolling over me and she slept on my belly and I felt so greatful to have her there, somehow she knew this time I was the one that needed love, felt like the only creature that cared about me for a long time...

Your friends don't sound amazing at all!!

My immediate thoughts are, would you be interested in learning to create techno? Because if yes, then you could sign up for a music tech course somewhere, which would give you a way to engage with this thing you love, in an environment where you will get to interact with people who are probably going to be like minded, some of them might even turn out to be friends you haven't met yet, or the next great romance. And if you'd much rather listen than create that's no problem, maybe you could find some other people who organise events and get involved with the organising side, or maybe there is some other hobby or skill you've never tried to do/learn but always thought you might like, now is the time, get out there, try some new things, talk to new people, chomp on the world!!!

I have no interest in creating it, I want to pursue other things, however be in a relationship with a guy that enjoys it is definetly a plus, the negative thing about this is usually the same guys that like it are usually guys that just want to party and don't want anything serious, so there's a dilemma here.

Also, sometimes I wanna take time off from these parties, go to the beach or get dinner, but being completely single I have no company to do this every now and then. Sure I could go with friends but it happens very rarely. Apart from that, I'm just tired of getting hurt in a overall sense. I'm not looking for a relationship because I think these things come naturally, but I don't want someone treating me like all these guys have treated.

Maybe it's time to ease up on the partying? I'm not really surprised you aren't meeting people who care about you through the party drug scene and hook ups.

Serious question, do you think you may have a drug and/ or alcohol problem?

I agree with you about pets. My cat does the same thing when I am sick or sad.

 

Serious question, do you think you may have a drug and/ or alcohol problem?

 

I have thought seriously about this and I don't think I have a problem with drugs and alcohol per se since they are only recreational and I never use anything or drink during the week. However, if I go a month or more without partying I get this abstinence not for drug use, but the fact that it's the moment where I think of nothing and I can forget for some hours of any problems. It's kind of a way to "renew" myself so I don't get too stressed out with things in life. Apat form the fact that I love the music, since I go to specific parties or clubs.

When I was in a relationship things would be more balanced though. We'd party every once in a while, but we would also do all kinds of things, we'd travel, stay at home watching movies or eating, we'd go out to a bar, go to a barbecue, or just simply go for a walk on the park. But doing these things alone gets very lonely at times, so I'd just rather go out to parties every single weekend. I know this stops me from meeting other kinds of guys, but I don't know where I could potencially meet someone nice.

Then get stuck into the other things that interest you. And invite your friends to dinner/beach/adventures!!!! Those aren't activities reserved for romantic couples.

What you need to do is stop using drugs. They mess with your head. The fact is that you are being pathetic. Life is amazing, it is a gift to be alive. You have no real issues with your life. Half the world is starving. Sometimes you need to just take a good look at yourself and find yourself. Go work in a 3rd world country for a year and you will come changed and incredibly happy. I did it and it changed my life, my outlook among other things. Learn to love yourself. Don't let guys walk all over you.

I agree with Robin. I have set up many people on dates over the last 30 years and I will not set up anyone who uses drugs or drinks excessively. Total dealbreaker and I would never want to be responsible for having one of my friends or acquaintances get involved with someone who has that habit. Call it recreational if you like but I think you're getting in your own way of meeting quality people by continuing that behavior as you described it.