Father daughter communication gap

Hello all, my 23 year old daughter and I have been butting heads for several years now and can't seem to get over it and our relationship is deteriorating which hurts. I love her very much, and believe I have been a good parent since her birth. I have been there for the school plays, soccer coach, family vacations, encouraged her accomplishments, supported her financially and emotionally through high school and college, and been there 24-7 in times of trouble, and there have been some very hard times to deal with. I know I'm not perfect, but I do feel that she expects for me to give unconditionally but she is exempt for reciprocating. She currently only really communicates with me when she needs help, i.e. rent money, car repairs, etc. She shows no interest in my well being, interests, or life as a whole. Which hurts my feelings and on top of that, I don't feel any gratitude, acknowledgement or interest, which makes me resentful, hence the conflict.

She believes she has the right to express her individuality and independence by doing what she wishes to do when she chooses to do so, yet without consideration or sense of responsibility towards our family. She expects me to be there for her in times of trouble, which would be fine, but I expect her to keep me in her life other than during times of strive. Sharing her achievements, life goals, relationships, and asking simple things like asking how was your day or let's go see a movie together. As a proud father. I love to share her accomplish in her life with family and friends to which she frowns upon as she believes I am using her to brag about myself. I don't get it. Bottom line is I am frustrated and let her know that I expect the good along with the bad from her world. Things like caring, appreciation, gratitude and interest vs. her sense of entitlement. She expects me to basically be a silent bystander who she will include in her life when she feels it's convenient. Please advise, Thanks.

Diamond.

This girl is 23, yet is behaving like a stroppy teenager. Do I understand she is living at home, and if so why so?

Her mother?

Has she a job?

Why are you handing out money to her?

Stop bailing her out. Don't spoil her.

She is living a school in an apartment, finishing her last semester for her 4 year degree. Academically she is doing very well. She has a part time job, but has trouble managing her debts. My wife, her mother, have a great relationship, been together since high school, 35 years. My wife seems to take her side if you will because she feels she is "still a child" and is concerned she will lose the relationship if she confronts her. I guess I'm handing out money because I feel love, concern for my daughter and don't want her to fail. As a father, I want to protect her, keep her from harm. We have told her that come this December, after she graduates she will be on her own financially. She is welcome to stay at home for a room and food. That being said, when push comes to shove, I'm sure her mother will assist when needed. I don't agree, but I can't live with turmoil in my household. The saying, "would it be better to be happy or to be right" comes to mind.

There is support and then there is enabled and spoiled. She is treating you like an ATM machine because you have allowed it. You guys have been afraid she will be mad. So? So she gets mad. Shrug. She has to learn other people won't hand her a life. Don't allow her disrespect.

Still a child at age 23!!! I am not surprised this girl is behaving as she does. She has you both boxed into a corner, and is getting away with it. Your wife is actually afraid to confront her! Lose what relationship?

Your daughter has not grown up for the simple reason that everything has been done for her, and too much at that. Of course you wish to protect her, that is natural.

This is not about being "right". But you will be doing your daughter no favours if you don't get her to sharpen up before she goes out into the world, because out there she WILL get the corners knocked off her, and her entitlement attitude won't get her anywhere.

My wife is afraid to confront her in fear of losing her and their relationship, not physical confrontation. Honestly speaking my daughter is very much a Disney character, innocent and kind. The irony in this is that everyone we know, both friends and family tell us how much of great job we have done raising our kids. It's just me she butts heads with! Since I am the authority figure and my wife the consoling figure, I get the ugly attitude and she gets the sweetness side.

My wife thinks its my issue partly because I came from a broken family as an only child and she came from a middle to upper class family with siblings and parents who are still married. She has had basically everything given to her growing up, while I had to scrap and claw for everything. My daughter has definitely caused some problems with our marriage. I agree with the "tough love" process in order to get out kids to be able to stand on their own two feet, but don't want to screw my marriage in doing so.

Oh, not it is not your issue because you come from a " broken home." That doesn't make you defective. And just because one's family remains together doesn't make them perfect or better. That is bull pucky. You and your wife need to sit down and discuss a united front.

No one is talking about a physical confrontation.

And nothing to do with you coming from a broken home or any home.

And you know what. Your daughter should NOT have had everything given to her growing up. Do you know that doing that is just as bad as if she had been ill-treated. Try to get that inside your head.

Why would you screw your marriage because of your children? I do not understand you.

Don't let this daughter bully you or play you and your wife off against one another. She is 23 and knows full well what she is doing.

The sad part is that this 23 yo has become what you and your wife made her.

It is absolutely necessary and laudable that parents support, encourage, educate and turn their children into functioning adults. Handing them everything on a silver tray is not the same thing.