Just caught my fiancée cyber sexing her work colleague

My fiancée and I have been drifting apart since the birth of our 2nd son. She hasn't been interested in sex for as long as I can remember. I've tried to support her through a period of depression and really have been the model partner and dad. But tonight I've came home from a business trip and discovered that she is cyber sexing with a guy at work. I'm not sure if this started from a physical relationship. She doesn't know I know. I don't know what to do. I feel it's cheating. We had been discussing going to couples counselling but now I can't see a way past this. Help

Of course its cheating.

You need to confront her, as the relationship sounds miserable, and is not good for you, or kids.

Yes it's cheating and unfortunately you do need to confront her. High time to air out what is going on between you two. It sounds like things have been bad for too long.

Can you have someone babysit for a day so that the two of you can get all the issue out into the open without distractions and interruptions? Something tells me it will be a long day for the both of you.

It's cheating and you're better than that.

Have a clear idea of what you're going to say to her and please don't take any of what she may say back in defence personally. She might deny it, get mad, gas light you or guilt trip you. Don't let her.

Once you had your talk (which mostly likely will be her lying) I think it's best to break up. Sexting or being sexual in person or through messages with anyone else is not cool. Don't put up with it.

But tonight I've came home from a business trip and discovered that she is cyber sexing with a guy at work.

I seen a message coming up on her phone in preview and opened it 😕

Then as thing is I'm more worried about what she'll say about me snooping on her phone ........

I think that her cheating supersedes your seeing her phone. It does not sound like you feel you have a voice in the relationship? is this why you have tolerated no sex for so long?

Then as thing is I'm more worried about what she'll say about me snooping on her phone ........

Ha screw that. If she tries blameshifting you on that nonsense I think it'll be hard to save the relationship. Don't be a doormat

Then as thing is I'm more worried about what she'll say about me snooping on her phone ........

I think you have more to worry about then what she'll think about you reading her message.

You had been discussing going to a marriage counselor.. I'd use that to start your conversation. If you're not going to outright leave her as you don't find this to yet be the straw that broke the camels back, you could say something like this: I've booked our first meeting with the marriage counselor. Then just as you're going into his/her office, tell your wife: "I think we should start with your sexting a co-worker." 0.o

Who cares what the liar thinks. Besides, SHE was in the wrong not you. This happened for a reason, your guardian angels were looking out for you. I'd tell her she can have him and walk out the door, never to see her again.

Update. I'm in the UK. She has just went to sleep and I couldn't resist reading the whole exchange. From what I can gather there has been a kiss. Maybe more. But it's clear she is trying to set it up to happen for real. He is revisiting to be fair....but not much (he is also married) also appears she has sent pics in the past.........

My life is destroyed.

You know what to do. I'm sorry, I'm sure this is devastating.

Be kind to yourself...

Going to confront her in the morning............going to start with 'I betrayed your trust......I looked at your phone.......that should get it going swiftly......

Going to confront her in the morning............going to start with 'I betrayed your trust......I looked at your phone.......that should get it going swiftly......

Forget the I betrayed your trust opening line. Print it out and throw it at her then give her the boot. She's dumb enough to carry on like this and leave it on her phone screw her. Dump dump dump her. Do it before she dumps you. You'll feel much better being in control.

You didn't betray anyone. You tolerated her lack of affection and you were a good mate. Don't apologize for anything. Your cell snooping isn't anything compared to her betrayal. I am sorry you are going through this. If she tries to turn the table about you looking at her phone, DON'T LET HER. It's not the point. Her cheating is the problem.

My life is destroyed.

No it isn't.

You need to start seeing this as a blessing in disguise. You are lucky that it was caught before you tied the knot with this decietful woman. Canceling a wedding is 10x cheaper, easier, and far less painful in compsrision to filing a divorce.

Do not apologize to her. It will be seen as a sign of weakness. You need to let go of her after this stunt.

Going to confront her in the morning............going to start with 'I betrayed your trust......I looked at your phone.......that should get it going swiftly......

You betrayed her trust! HUH!!!! Dude, she did it to you!

I agree with anther poster: Stop being such a doormat! Be done with this.

I guess you should print it and stick the whole room with it.

Sorry but marry this one and you'll take years off of your life.

Your going to have to break up with her. This is the only way you can be happy.

Then just as you're going into his/her office, tell your wife: "I think we should start with your sexting a co-worker." 0.o

You should forward the messages to yourself to keep as proof. Cheaters are lairs and will deny deny deny until proof is in their face.

Decide what you want BEFORE you confront her.

Do you want to try and fix the relationship?

Do you want to end the relationship and move on with your life?

You see you need to decide these things BEFORE you speak to her and hear all her excuses and justifications. Cheaters lie, justify and even blame you for their selfish choices so decide BEFORE she throws all that on you and then stand firm.

Look back at the last year with a clearer vision. What do you see? I bet you will see things you missed when you trusted her completely...

Once the trust is dead it is extremely hard to rebuild it. I am sorry but I don't think your relationship will ultimately survive her betrayal.

Being through this myself I can tell you my ex actually did me a huge favor because staying with her would have been bad for my life and my sons life.

I know you are worried about the future and fearful of what will happen to you but know this. You will be fine and will step up as a single dad and in a year or so be doing great! There is a good life ahead for you after you rid yourself of the lies and betrayal. If you think about it what will you really be loosing when she is gone? Sex? That doesn't happen any longer. Companionship? She sounds pretty distant. Love? Cheaters only love themselves.

I am sorry

Lost

Excuse the rant, but what the HELL is wrong with some of these women!

Doesn't being in an exclusive or committed RL mean anything anymore, and in the OP's case, engaged to be married!

Reading these forums, I hear so much about women in relationships having several 'orbiters' around, even telling their bfs about them, and what's even more disturbing is that many men have come to expect this, and tolerate it.

Like this is even remotely acceptable behavior, no it's not, not in my world.

Women sending nude or revealing pics to men on Instagram, exchanging sexual innuendo via text or FB, and now in OP's case, we have a woman engaged to be married sexting another guy or guys.

And he's asking if this is cheating? And considering still marrying her?

What in the world, is it me? What am I missing?

Surely something, could someone please explain?

OP, for god's sake, end this lunacy, and going forward, set higher standards for yourself and when you start exclusively dating a chick (or even before exclusivity) who behaves in any of the ways described above, it should be a great big immediate NEXT.

It's called having self-respect and not tolerating bull shyt.