I want to die whenever I'm home

Hi. I'm 17 years old and I honestly am losing my will to live. I am happy outside the house but when I get home everything starts to hurt. It started in March when my ex broke up with me. I was pretty ruined. I was honestly depressed and would cry every day. I missed him so much. When school ended in June and I didn't have to see him anymore, I told myself I would move on, have fun, and life would be better. However, the hell on earth had just begun. My dad started taking my phone at night. He searched it and found my private text messages with a friend revealing I was raped. My parents didn't know I was raped so they were very shocked and I felt awful. My life got substantially worse after my parents found out I was raped. I had been dealing with it fine on my own, I was healed, I as ok, and they brought it back and I started feeling miserable. I can't blame them for being concerned about me but they don't understand that I was living a better life before they found out. On top of that, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD but my parents will not allow me to get the medicine that I believe would help me. In addition, I cannot find work anywhere and I have applied to upwards of 30 establishments. All of my friends are traveling or working and I feel very alone most of the time.I just wish i could get a job so I can spend less time at home. My dad continues to take all my electronics at night and go through my texts, camera rolls, and social media, which I feel is an invasion of privacy. When I'm not at home I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but when I am here I am always miserable. I try so hard to be happy but I can't. I am always crying when I am here. I just wish I could leave. They're good parents and I know they want the best for me but I really can't shake the depressed feeling I get when I am here.

The only thing that is making me happy atm is a guy I am speaking to but based off my past experiences I know better than to rely on a guy for happiness. '

I used to be such a happy and optimistic person. I miss that person. I see a therapist once a week but it doesn't really help when I'm at home wanting to die. If anyone knows what I can do to help myself I would really appreciate it, thanks.

Maybe you need a different therapist or if you like the current one can you see him/her more often? You are not coping well and you know it. If a doctor says you need medicine you should be able to have it. Was it doctor recommended or your own idea?

If you cant get a job can you volunteer somewhere to get yourself out of the house and perhaps make some new friends?

A psychiatrist said I would benefit from medicine. I'm currently volunteering with special needs kids on Saturdays but it's not enough time away from home.

I am sorry for what you experienced; that had to be difficult to get through. In my opinion, until you are 18, privacy is a privilege and not a right. What did you do that triggered the nightly acquisition of your electronics?

As for being unhappy at home, you don't have to volunteer or work to not be home. Go hiking, people watching, etc. Do things with your close friend.