Pushing people away

I know it's the dumbest thing I could do but I've been pushing everyone away lately. Broke up with my boyfriend, don't spend time with my family, don't even want friends anymore. I just feel like an emotional burden for them and they deserve so much better. I know it will be harder to go through alone but I can't make them go through this with me. I just can't. Up until now I've been putting on a happy face but I don't want to be happy anymore. I want to be sad. I want to be alone. And I don't want to do anything. It was my life stressors that pushed me to this point. I am in charge of homecoming, moving for the 8th time in 3 years this week, etc. I expected so much of myself and now I feel useless and worthless cuz I can't meet those expectations. But I've had so many verbal and emotional attacks from others while planning homecoming. I already felt inadequate but now I feel completely and entirely like a waste of energy. Like why do this anymore. Why should I use so much energy to be happy when I can just bask in the solitary silence and be alone and just be sad? Being sad is so much easier. I don't even want to be alive rn but at the same time I can't imagine the pain others will deal with if I do leave...

I can relate. It is not dumb. I have decided that no friends are better than fair weather friends. I stopped dating, even casual dating, by choice. I feel like I am not good enough any more. I have been verbally attacked by people this year and it brought me even lower. My family is mostly dead, so I have no choice there. Nobody would care if I died, but I still have my dog, who I love. You are not alone.