Ex still loves me but doesn't want to commit, any advice?

Okay now this is gonna be a long post but my life is literally a crazy situation that I find myself in.

I'm 22 and my ex boyfriend of 15months is 21. It has been a month since he broke up with me, we didn't break up because we were fighting or upset with each other, we very much still love each other. He broke up because he wants to be single, which I'm convinced is because of his age, and he is afraid to commit for good too soon in his life. We are still friends and haven't fought at all before the break up or after.

But the real issue is that over this weekend major drama ensued. After we broke up I heard from our mutual friends that he had been dating, and this was only a week after we broke up, so when I found out this hurt immensely. So I know it's not right but I waited a couple more weeks so that I felt better in myself and went on a date. I had sex with said person. I'm pretty sure I did it out of spite.

But continuing on to this weekend passed the guy I dated had come over and we watched a film and we're hanging out, it was a distraction from the hurt I still was feeling. But my ex had to come pick his stuff up that he had left at mine, when he got here in the evening my date was still here and my ex saw his motorcycle and point out asked me whose it was. I told him the truth, he then asked if I was seeing someone, I said no I was just seeing him casually. He asked if we'd had sex and I said yes. He looked devastated and then proceeded to get angry saying it was a bit soon. I told him that it was unfair to expect me to wait around forever for him. He then went quiet and left on his own motorbike. I was pained by the way he'd looked at me, he was so upset.

But fast forwarding my date left and I was up until 3am when my ex messaged me saying we need to talk, I'll come over in the morning. In the morning he asked if I was still around to talk to I said yes. He said he'd be round that morning. It came to be mid day and he'd still not come over so I messaged him, he said I wouldn't believe him if he told me the reason he hadn't come over yet. But long story short he came over to mine at 5pm after having partied all night into the next day, he'd done copious amounts of mdma and coke.

We then talked and he said the Rafe he felt knowing I'd seen someone else was like nothing he'd ever felt before. He had spend most of his night spurting his story to everyone he met that night. He said it was a 50/50 split of people telling him he clearly still loved me and the other half saying he should cut all ties as its easier. He then told me he had slept with the person he'd been on a date with so he knows he had no right to be angry but he couldn't help it. He then told me he loved me still and didn't want me out of his life. Then he obviously asked me whether the guy was any good, I said no.

For clarity we did have sex as, it sounds so bad, we always have very good sex and we love each other, it's so stupid.

But then we went to sleep as neither of us has slept, woke up at about 2am as I had a nightmare and woke us both up as I nearly leapt out the bed haha. And we talked some more I asked him what he wanted as I was understandably very confused. He said he didn't want me gone for good, I asked whether he wanted a friends win benefits situation and he seemed keen to not have to lose me.

Then we fell back asleep woke up at 5.30 as he had to get ready for work. I made him breakfast and asked whether I could see him before I move away, he again seemed very keen telling me to message him when.

My question is, how bad of a decision is all this? Am I screwing everything up? I also don't want to lose him for good

Sorry for this crazy long story but the drama is literally crazy.

It's a very bad decision to be FWB with an ex. You are setting yourself up to get very, very hurt.

Look, he doesn't still love you the way you say he does, or he'd be with you. Notice how he didn't ask for you back? His ego got hurt when he found out you'd slept with someone else (which is zero business of his) and so he came back and marked his territory. But he still doesn't want to be your boyfriend again. His feelings weren't strong enough to remain in the relationship or consider reconciliation.

He felt such little attachment he was already off looking for other girls within days of ending it with you. That's not a man in love.

Offering to be his FWB and cooking him breakfast after he has broken up with you to boink other girls is the equivalent of letting him wipe his feet on you. Don't do this to yourself.

Yeah I know it's terrible and we seriously don't know what we are doing. But he only slept with this other girl in the same way I did with my rebound to try and get over us. It's so complicated but I know that I don't want him back now anyway, not unless he changed, but I don't want to lose him. It's a very conflicting thought.

And it's terrible to say but I do like the sex, I just have no will power to be away from him.

hi,

sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you slept with people for different reasons. he slept with someone becasue he wanted to - he had dumped you because he wanted to be single. you slept with someone because you were hurt.

you do not want a FWB situation with this man. he's just going to string you along. i would also think he would be sleeping round. eventually when he finds someone he likes he will dump you. again.

you deserve better treatment than he is giving you. he does not want you, but he doesnt want anyone else to have you either.

i think you should go NC and block him on everything.

good luck

Yeah I know it's terrible and we seriously don't know what we are doing. But he only slept with this other girl in the same way I did with my rebound to try and get over us. It's so complicated but I know that I don't want him back now anyway, not unless he changed, but I don't want to lose him. It's a very conflicting thought.

And it's terrible to say but I do like the sex, I just have no will power to be away from him.

No, that isn't why.

I know that sounds harsh, but he isn't feeling the same things you are. He isn't tying to get over you, in that sense; he was already gone when he ended it. I don't say that to be unkind, but the biggest mistake dumpees make is assuming the dumper is struggling the same way they are. But they usually aren't, especially when they left for the reasons your ex did. He left so he could be single and have his fun, and his actions are proving he was being honest about that.

It's okay to enjoy sex with an ex, but it doesn't mean having sex with them is a good idea. Think of how hurt you will be when you find out he is still having sex with other girls, when he's not available to hang out with you because he's on a date or in someone else's bed. Offering up your bed and your sexual affection was a very unwise move, as it sends the message that you're okay with him having sex with you with no expectations. How will you really feel when he doesn't call you the next day? Or when he doesn't take you on a date, preferring instead to save his money and take out some other girl?

Take it from those of us who are older and have experienced this: this is going to backfire and hurt you even more.

Never let someone downgrade you from girlfriend to just FWB if what you want is more. You're settling for crumbs because you're desperate.

He's now got what he wants.. to be single and see anybody he pleases but no responsibility towards you when he sleeps with you. Don't continue with this unless you are totally ok with just being someone he sometimes sleeps with rather than being his GF.

If you want to get your heart broken again and again, continue to sleep with this guy.

He was quite honest about not wanting to be tied down, and he's perfectly entitled to do that, go out, have fun and sleep with whoever he likes. If you continue to hang on in there, desperately hoping to rekindle the relationship... what he'll do is go out, have fun and sleep with whoever he likes. It's just that he'll be stringing you along while he does so - and sabotaging any new relationships you might try to start. If he had any respect for you to begin with, it will go completely down the pan.

He's acting like a silly teenager. It sounds as though you want a relationship with an adult, so go and find yourself one, once you've let go of this relationship and healed from it.