He has turned into something horrid..

Ok, so. I was with my ex for 4 years. I moved after 3 yrs with him closer to his hometown so we could begin saving for a place together whilst I was a live in nanny. For a year we did this before he decided to end our relationship for good. At xmas we had a little niggle where he said it was over but it ended up him texting me a lot and we got back together may/april ish. Over the span of the years he had various health issues and it seems mental health was the root cause. I supported him throughout it all and so many people commented on the fact I was there throughout all of the horrible bits and never ran a mile when I could have easily. I've never loved anyone so much and wished so much we could swap places so he could just be happy.

He ended our relationship and reasons were that we were two different people at different stages of life wanting different things, that he has tought for two years that we weren't compatible, that he never cheated but towards the end of the relationship found himself looking at other people wishing he was.

Fast forward to two months of me being desperate to get him back and pleading to him eventually blocking me on whatsapp as he felt he couldn't answer my questions again.

After 6 days he unblocked me.. I felt different in the sense of he now wanted my attention but I ignored his messages. He found out I'm moving to a different part of the UK so kept saying he had things to say before we went and even his mum told me I should meet up and hear him out.

After ignoring him for a good week I eventually saif a time and place, take it or leave it.

We met up at a local park. I felt so awkward and defensive that I barely said anything at first. During the hour that I was there... he told me how he had become a completely different peraon who i'd now hate, that he's reading some book about playing the game & is sleeping with lots of girls. He basically said he's using them for sex when they may think its more. I feel completely disgusted that 4 years meant nothing & he told me all of the ins and outs of what he's been doing. I felt sick and felt so used as a person for such a long time. I donMt understand why they do it?!!! Will be feel better? Has anyone experienced this and come off worse? Does it last a long time?! I don't love him the same anymore but I feel like any chance we had of one day in the future making ammends is ruined. He just said he doesn't care about anyone or anyones feelings anymore & it's so sad as he never ever used to be like this. I just can't seem to shake of the feeling of wishing things were different. I invested so much into those 4 years and on reflection realised he didn't. I just don't know what to do moving forwards. I'm still moving & know starting somewhere fresh will help but I feel this strong desire to tell him that he doesn't have to be like this as I still care about him so much. I just don't know what to do.

Let him go. You are fortunate to be rid of someone like him.

Anyone who openly admits they manipulate people and lacks empathy to the point that they announce this to an ex has serious problems.

Telling such a person it doesn't have to be like this is futile.

he never cheated but towards the end of the relationship found himself looking at other people wishing he was.

 

he's reading some book about playing the game & is sleeping with lots of girls. He basically said he's using them for sex when they may think its more.

Yuck. These two statements alone tell you enough about his character to block him forever.

Sure, you wish things were different. It's hard for you to imagine you spent 4 years of your life with this guy. Best to block him, and keep him blocked.

You will have to go complete NC to shake this guy out of your brain and get on with the business of finding a nice, decent guy who will love you in the right way.

Why on earth would his mother encourage you to "hear him out" when what he had to say isn't exactly something a mother would be proud of what their son was doing and knowing that it would hurt you? Perhaps she knew that once he confessed what he was up to, you would have the closure you need to move on from him and anything about him?

Never look or contact this person again.

I'm all for second chances and recon stories, but this dude is TOXIC and seems very unstable.

GET OUT and never look back

How old is he? It sounds like some young guy who doesn't know what he wants.

You're better off without him. He needs to figure out his life and thank goodness he's letting you know what he's up to so you can make a choice.

Embrace your days together and accept they aren't coming back. Find someone new to relive beautiful moments with.

Find out what attracted you to him and change those things about your self so you don't end up on the same boat again with someone new.

*UPDATE* so after him 'confessing' all that stuff I blocked him. He got in touch after a week and rang and text as i stupidly didn't block those options. He said he'd made the majority of the stuff up (the only thing he didn't was sleeping with a girl which he said he regretted). He said he did it so I would hate him as he thought that was best for me but realised it was the worst thing he could do. His mum had no idea what he was gunna say and thought it was completely different.

He has joked around with me on msg etc saying he wished we communicated more at the right times throughout relationship, how he wishes id done the stuff im doing now then & how he regrets a lot of stuff although still thinks split is for best. He's constantly asked if im seeing anyone /what tinders like for me etc.. why is he asking this?! We were meant to meet up last night but the night before he rang to say he's seeing someone but when he could tell i sounded a bit sad he reversed back saying 'seeing them' is a strong term and its not really that etc. Is he testing me? I really do believe theres someone else as he said he'd rather be the one to tell me than someone else do it but everyone said if he wasn't bothered about me he wouldn't message me so much? And they think he's lying about seeing someone to test me I'm so confused & worst of all... after all that's happened would still swallow my pride a little and take him back. I have kinda made out to him I agree its for the best and did NC for a while and it worked but now I feel like it wont a second time to get what I want. I'm moving in 3 days n thought he might do some grand gesture of rocking up at the house but nothing upset all over again! He just seems so confused but I wish I could read his mind. He hasn't messaged since yest and I think that's it now... gutted.

He's 26.. I just so want him back still unsure if you've seen this but this is the update:

*UPDATE* so after him 'confessing' all that stuff I blocked him. He got in touch after a week and rang and text as i stupidly didn't block those options. He said he'd made the majority of the stuff up (the only thing he didn't was sleeping with a girl which he said he regretted). He said he did it so I would hate him as he thought that was best for me but realised it was the worst thing he could do. His mum had no idea what he was gunna say and thought it was completely different.

He has joked around with me on msg etc saying he wished we communicated more at the right times throughout relationship, how he wishes id done the stuff im doing now then & how he regrets a lot of stuff although still thinks split is for best. He's constantly asked if im seeing anyone /what tinders like for me etc.. why is he asking this?! We were meant to meet up last night but the night before he rang to say he's seeing someone but when he could tell i sounded a bit sad he reversed back saying 'seeing them' is a strong term and its not really that etc. Is he testing me? I really do believe theres someone else as he said he'd rather be the one to tell me than someone else do it but everyone said if he wasn't bothered about me he wouldn't message me so much? And they think he's lying about seeing someone to test me I'm so confused & worst of all... after all that's happened would still swallow my pride a little and take him back. I have kinda made out to him I agree its for the best and did NC for a while and it worked but now I feel like it wont a second time to get what I want. I'm moving in 3 days n thought he might do some grand gesture of rocking up at the house but nothing upset all over again! He just seems so confused but I wish I could read his mind. He hasn't messaged since yest and I think that's it now... gutted.

She didn't know thats what he was guna say he made it all up anyway.. see update post

You need this guy out of your life. You're looking for love in the wrong place, OP.

Run the other way!!!

*UPDATE* so after him 'confessing' all that stuff I blocked him. He got in touch after a week and rang and text as i stupidly didn't block those options. He said he'd made the majority of the stuff up (the only thing he didn't was sleeping with a girl which he said he regretted). He said he did it so I would hate him as he thought that was best for me but realised it was the worst thing he could do. His mum had no idea what he was gunna say and thought it was completely different.

He has joked around with me on msg etc saying he wished we communicated more at the right times throughout relationship, how he wishes id done the stuff im doing now then & how he regrets a lot of stuff although still thinks split is for best. He's constantly asked if im seeing anyone /what tinders like for me etc.. why is he asking this?! We were meant to meet up last night but the night before he rang to say he's seeing someone but when he could tell i sounded a bit sad he reversed back saying 'seeing them' is a strong term and its not really that etc. Is he testing me? I really do believe theres someone else as he said he'd rather be the one to tell me than someone else do it but everyone said if he wasn't bothered about me he wouldn't message me so much? And they think he's lying about seeing someone to test me I'm so confused & worst of all... after all that's happened would still swallow my pride a little and take him back. I have kinda made out to him I agree its for the best and did NC for a while and it worked but now I feel like it wont a second time to get what I want. I'm moving in 3 days n thought he might do some grand gesture of rocking up at the house but nothing upset all over again! He just seems so confused but I wish I could read his mind. He hasn't messaged since yest and I think that's it now... gutted.

He's an immature jerk and you're best to block and delete him from all means of being able to communicate with you. He's playing games and he's screwing with your head. Don't allow him to do that to you anymore.