Narcissist? Jerk? Player? Drug Issues?

I am so confused and upset over what went wrong to the guy I was dating I really would love if someone could knock some sense into my head so this never happens again.

 

Long story short, we met and a few days later he was already telling me he loves me. I never said it back because I don't operate in this manner, and 'love' is a huge word to me - and more so an action. It freaked me out every time he said it, yet he seemed so very genuine and though I saw it as a huge red flag and game spitting it kind of grew on me.

 

Just to put it out there - I had sex with him the first night which I have never done before - but I have been single for over a year and it took me so long to heal I was finally ready to feel closeness again. After sex the first night I was positive I would never see him again, and I was actually ok with it since I know I acted super easy - but to my surprise he texted me a few hours after he left saying how amazing I am and wanting to go on a real date.

 

We spent a few more times together and it was great, talked on the phone a lot in between etc. I was becoming overly happy yet I kept thinking to myself this feels too good to be true - and apparently it was...

 

Rewind to last Saturday he was supposed to come see me - he lives about 40 minutes away. After already making plans for him to come out - he calls me and says he can't and I should drive instead because his friend took the car. I told him no because we already made plans and to figure out and he can uber. He said ok, but in 5 min called again saying his card isn't working for uber and if I can call the uber for him and he will pay me back cash when he gets there. I agreed, and when in the uber he was calling again asking to order pizza since he is hungry and again he will pay me back cash when he gets there. I thought nothing of it, after all I liked him so it wasn't a big deal. $80 later he was at my house. He didn't bring up paying me back at all - so a few hours layer I playfully said 'don't worry about paying me back you can get breakfast tomorrow. After a great night, we woke up and he asked if I can drive him back to his house because he has to work. I said sure, but said let's eat first to which he responded he isn't hungry. Ok, well I am - so let's go eat, not driving on an empty stomach. So he proceeds to open his wallet and in this fake voice goes "oh no, somebody stole $200, I only have $5 on me" !????!!!!!!

 

So I drove him on an empty stomach, pretty mad. When we pulled up to the house he played dumb asking if I am ok, so I let him have it. He started saying he doesn't care about money (yeah right) and he can pay me back. I said I didn't want anything - and that I cannot teach him how to treat a woman. To which his response was " I don't have power for this (he has only been in US 4 months so his English isn't the greatest) and I have to work today and am tired. He got out of the car and slammed the door.

 

I didn't hear from him since, and even though he treated me like pure crap and I knew that, and it was more than obvious he is just good with words and tells you what to hear - I started to miss him. A lot. So I broke the silence and texted him. And then texted 3 more times out of pure hurt. Telling him I miss him etc.

 

Last night he texted me "you screwed up".....I don't see how I screwed up at all besides trusting him so I texted him a question mark.

 

"you messed up." He texted, "you are crazy"...

 

So I texted back saying " messed up how? By paying for your uber? Your pizza? Spending time with you? Making lobe to you? Letting you come over my house? Sleep next to me? Trusting in you?"

 

He texted back money doesn't matter and its only uber and pizza and he can pay me back" then he proceed to say how I am nervous woman (whatever that even means, language barrier) and how I make him nervous and we aren't on the same wavelength.

 

I am puzzled how we go from him telling me I make him so happy to this....Completely confused how he goes from someone so nice to such a complete rude ass hole. My brain doesn't even comprehend it. The way he completely screwed up then messaged me blaming me for everything and devaluing me almost screams abusive.

 

I know he smoke a lot of pot which is fine, but I also knew he does coke every 3 weeks or so when he parties -which I actually wasn't ok with.

 

So to conclude, is he a player that basically just used me, an ass hole, has coke f***ed up his personality he just acts bipolar. Please help me sort this out because the sweetness he showed me I am having a hard time moving on and forgetting him

How many times have you actually been out with this guy?

 

From what you've written it doesn't sound like you've been together all that long. Instead of missing him, silently thank him for showing his true colours so early on. He outed himself long before you being too invested and ending up devastated rather then just having a hard time forgetting him.

 

I told him no because we already made plans and to figure out and he can uber.

Even though I think you've dodged a bullet, I will say that I found you rather rigid in the above situation. Has he changed plans on you often for you not to want to do it yet again? I also wondered if he paid for all of your dates without you offering to pay or share costs?

 

Regardless of the answers to those questions, I still think you dodged a bullet... No one right in the head confesses love after a date or two.

Okay you said you want someone to knock some sense into your head.

 

Summary:

You sleep with this guy on the first night. He is new to the country, doesn’t speak a lot of English, smokes pot and does coke. A few days after meeting, he tells you he loves you.

 

A few dates after that he changes get-together plans at the last minute with a series of excuses for why he can’t drive or pay for dinner. You offer to pay for everything to get him to your place.

 

Then you (presumably) sleep with him again and try to get him to take you to breakfast the next morning. When he pretends his money was stolen, you yell at him and then two minutes later tell him that it doesn’t matter. Then you say you can’t teach him how to treat a woman. Two days later you text him to tell him you miss him. It’s this kind of thing where I get how men think women are crazy.

 

Figuring him out won’t change anything. This isn’t about him; this is about you. You aren’t a victim. You picked him of your own free will, and you chose to sleep with him night one without knowing him. You offered to pay for Uber and a pizza because you really wanted to see him again. When you were mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be treated in a way you didn’t like, you still chose to text him again saying you missed him -- even though he does coke and even though you weren't okay with that. What does all this say about you?

 

The good news in not being the victim is that you have the power to turn this around. How? Use it as a lesson. Don’t sleep with a guy the first night before you really know him. Don’t believe someone who tells you they love you after three days. Don’t offer to pay unless you are truly fine with not being paid back. This is an opportunity to figure out how to do it differently next time and how to attract what you want by treating yourself that way first.

 

I am not trying to be harsh, just trying to give you an outside perspective. Time to pivot girl

You offered to pay for Uber and a pizza because you really wanted to see him again.

One would think that if that was true she would have just drove to him and saved herself all that money. Also: She didn't offer to pay for Uber and pizza... he asked her to and he said he would pay her back when he got there.

 

Otherwise I agree with most else that you've said.

I'm sure this is not what you want to hear, but you walked right into this one. You presented yourself as someone who can easily be walked all over, and he ran with it. Sleeping together on a first date certainly doesn't seal the deal, and I may get slammed for this, but you're not likely to be seen as relationship material, either. This is not meant to be offensive, and of course to each their own. JMO...

 

Hopefully you can put this behind you, and take it as a lesson learned.

You should have run the first time he told you he loved you. You knew it was a red flag. Next time, follow your intuition.

 

Block and delete this creep!

Okay you said you want someone to knock some sense into your head.

 

Summary:

You sleep with this guy on the first night. He is new to the country, doesn’t speak a lot of English, smokes pot and does coke. A few days after meeting, he tells you he loves you.

 

A few dates after that he changes get-together plans at the last minute with a series of excuses for why he can’t drive or pay for dinner. You offer to pay for everything to get him to your place.

 

Then you (presumably) sleep with him again and try to get him to take you to breakfast the next morning. When he pretends his money was stolen, you yell at him and then two minutes later tell him that it doesn’t matter. Then you say you can’t teach him how to treat a woman. Two days later you text him to tell him you miss him. It’s this kind of thing where I get how men think women are crazy.

 

Figuring him out won’t change anything. This isn’t about him; this is about you. You aren’t a victim. You picked him of your own free will, and you chose to sleep with him night one without knowing him. You offered to pay for Uber and a pizza because you really wanted to see him again. When you were mad at yourself for allowing yourself to be treated in a way you didn’t like, you still chose to text him again saying you missed him -- even though he does coke and even though you weren't okay with that. What does all this say about you?

 

The good news in not being the victim is that you have the power to turn this around. How? Use it as a lesson. Don’t sleep with a guy the first night before you really know him. Don’t believe someone who tells you they love you after three days. Don’t offer to pay unless you are truly fine with not being paid back. This is an opportunity to figure out how to do it differently next time and how to attract what you want by treating yourself that way first.

 

I am not trying to be harsh, just trying to give you an outside perspective. Time to pivot girl

 

Absorb this post!!! It is spot on!

You shouldn't be confused though. You rolled the dice on a guy you wanted to have casual sex with, and it turned out to be a mess. That's the chance you take if you are letting horniness be the driver of your actions. Men and women both can be sucked in by it. You chose to ignore everything else because you wanted to get laid. It doesn't make you a horrible person, but it does make you an easy target for people looking to get what they can get out of people regardless of how it will impact you.

You should have ended it when he said he didn't have a ride and money to get to your house. He's a jerk and obviously takes advantage of women. Don't feel bad you were nice enough to pay for everything and he just took advantage of the whole situation ! don't waste your time texting him or trying to get any sense from him , he's really not worth it !

Be glad he's gone. He wasn't the right man for you. You're not alone. DO NOT TRY TO FIND COMFORT IN THE ONE THAT HURT YOU! You won't find it. you end up looking like a fool. YOU MUST MOVE ON for your own sanity.