Dealing with inconsiderate, selfish people from dawn till dusk.

Not sure if this is posted in the right place, but here it is.

Lately my life seems to be about dealing with people who are inconsiderate. From loud neighbors, incompetent tradesmen, a-hole drivers and commuters, etc etc. A good 90% of my very existence on this planet has become dealing with selfish people.

My temper has started to surface and I sometimes feel that I'm going to really retaliate. I think we all feel this way from time to time, but I really have had a string of it this summer. Some evenings I'm so angry I'm not eating and sleeping, so I exercise myself into a stupor and make sure all that energy is used up.

With one particular neighbor dispute I've gone to the police, and thats so I dont end up doing something stupid as much as hoping to resolve the issue.

So thats it really, I'm fighting on many fronts right now and anger is building...

I know many of us go through this. If there are any techniques others have used to help themselves get through, I'd be happy to hear.

Forcing yourself -and I mean forcing -to notice those people who do not act in this way so that you get balance and perspective. much too easy to get caught in the negative cycle. And headphones/earbuds help a lot too.

Unfortunately, this has become a common problem. The world has become more thoughtless, narcissistic and uncaring.

Learn some techniques to deal with your temper.

I'm also having to deal with my elderly mother, she's not ill or anything but she is very stubborn and difficult. Im sure she'll say that about me, and she's probably right.

Being patient with her plus dealing with what seem like a constant bombardment of other peoples selfishness has become very challenging...

I can RELATE!!!! Crazy making!!!

Have you considered deep breathing techniques or meditation. When I am stressed, I walk. Helps me think and relax.

I agree with Batya, make it a practice to notice people NOT doing those annoying things and give them extra attention. (The way the brain works, apparently, negatives make much more of an impact on memory than positives. So it helps to take more time to absorb a positive in order to embed it in your memory. Something like 17 times as long as it takes to notice a negative.) With drivers, commuters, I imagine they are going through some kind of crisis in their life (just got awful news, or somehow their life has turned upside down and they are in a panic) and that generates a flash of empathy, which calms me. Loud neighbors, thank goodness (and knock on wood), I don't have.

I agree with Batya, make it a practice to notice people NOT doing those annoying things and give them extra attention. (The way the brain works, apparently, negatives make much more of an impact on memory than positives. So it helps to take more time to absorb a positive in order to embed it in your memory. Something like 17 times as long as it takes to notice a negative.) With drivers, commuters, I imagine they are going through some kind of crisis in their life (just got awful news, or somehow their life has turned upside down and they are in a panic) and that generates a flash of empathy, which calms me. Loud neighbors, thank goodness (and knock on wood), I don't have.

I do the same thing as far as imagining, etc.

I used to have quite a temper, honestly.

What keeps me grounded these days is a practise that includes hard exercise regularly, gratitude ( I go over things in my mind, and I try to point out at least one quality or action from a person I am grateful for every day, to them). Another thing I do is dream and plan for things that make me happy. This may sound obvious, but when my frustration and anger is at it's worse, my mind draws blanks as to what I actually like. The negative crowds it out. So I find it important to make it daily practise.

These things help for anger, frustration, anxiety, and early warning signs of depression

I used to have quite a temper, honestly.

 

What keeps me grounded these days is a practise that includes hard exercise regularly, gratitude ( I go over things in my mind, and I try to point out at least one quality or action from a person I am grateful for every day, to them). Another thing I do is dream and plan for things that make me happy. This may sound obvious, but when my frustration and anger is at it's worse, my mind draws blanks as to what I actually like. The negative crowds it out. So I find it important to make it daily practise.

 

These things help for anger, frustration, anxiety, and early warning signs of depression

So, I'm curious -and also think this could provide guidance to the OP -what motivated you to make changes?

So, I'm curious -and also think this could provide guidance to the OP -what motivated you to make changes?

I wasn't happy. I got tired of feeling tired and angry all the time. Also it was impacting my relationships , and as I got older, I didn't want to 'waste' that precious time with people I love in unhappiness and anger.

Of course sometimes I do get sad, or angry, or frustrated still . But i don't allow it to have the kind of power I used to. I talk about it, or let myself cry when I want to. It helps.

I'm in outside sales, so I'm in my car. All. Day. Long. I get cut off, not let in, tailgated, stuck in the most ridiculous traffic behind idiots on cell phones, at standstills due to huge wrecks.

I used to pound my steering wheel and cuss All. Day. Long.

I finally had to just stop it. I literally one day, several years ago, realized that there is absolutely nothing I can do about the traffic. Nothing I can do about the rude people who speed up just as I put my turn signal on, or the ones who are literally touching my bumper as I'm going 75. Absolutely nothing.

It was sort of a ping....one day, I just. Stopped. I just stopped getting upset about it. I would have a nice large cold drink in my car (or great hot coffee), my favorite music, or my Bluetooth phone, talking to a friend. Or, most often? Silence. Yep, I drive hundreds of miles now in pure silence, on purpose. Someone tails me? I move out of their way. Someone won't let me in? I let the next person in. Someone curses me? I pull up next to them and smile.

This attitude shift has moved me from living in constant anger to coming home in peace.

I'm in outside sales, so I'm in my car. All. Day. Long. I get cut off, not let in, tailgated, stuck in the most ridiculous traffic behind idiots on cell phones, at standstills due to huge wrecks.

 

I used to pound my steering wheel and cuss All. Day. Long.

 

I finally had to just stop it. I literally one day, several years ago, realized that there is absolutely nothing I can do about the traffic. Nothing I can do about the rude people who speed up just as I put my turn signal on, or the ones who are literally touching my bumper as I'm going 75. Absolutely nothing.

 

It was sort of a ping....one day, I just. Stopped. I just stopped getting upset about it. I would have a nice large cold drink in my car (or great hot coffee), my favorite music, or my Bluetooth phone, talking to a friend. Or, most often? Silence. Yep, I drive hundreds of miles now in pure silence, on purpose. Someone tails me? I move out of their way. Someone won't let me in? I let the next person in. Someone curses me? I pull up next to them and smile.

 

This attitude shift has moved me from living in constant anger to coming home in peace.

Well, your certainly more enlightened than me in that sense.

Its nothing new to me that there are not very nice people in the world. I went through being bullied at school, and that stopped when I got one of the main bullys and ripped him a new one.

And that is actually what gets me; is that the only language some people understand? Why do you actually have to show them fire and a willingness to fight, or actually fight (be that literal or proverbial in the form of police, courts) for them to stop what they are doing?

In one situation, I'm trying to go the legal way. But once again its most probably only going to be resolved by me showing fire. And there will undoubtedly be another situation with someone else at some point, despite the fact that I'd describe myself as a peaceful, respectful person.

It feels like I will once more be getting up tomorrow, and having to deal with an inconsiderate A hole. Be it in my neighborhood, on the street, in my workplace...

Why do you actually have to show them fire and a willingness to fight, or actually fight (be that literal or proverbial in the form of police, courts) for them to stop what they are doing?

 

yes, I have experienced this first hand by pushing back on my boss when he tried to bully. After 2 years of constant bullying I confronted him about it via email of all things accusing him of bullying me and after that it all stopped!

It's about being assertive, not confrontational or aggressive. There's a difference.

Why do you actually have to show them fire and a willingness to fight, or actually fight (be that literal or proverbial in the form of police, courts) for them to stop what they are doing?

Because some people are just insensitive jackasses. Some people are just not self-aware, nor do they care, about anyone other than themselves. I have neighbors who are 2 blocks away, who played their music so loud it rattled my windows. I called the police no less than 30 times, maybe 50. Each time, the police would come out, they'd turn it down for the night, but then they'd be at it again. And so on. Another neighbor on the other side, 1 block away, used to keep their dog out all day and all night, and it would bark incessantly. No matter how many times people would ask them, no matter how nicely, they never did anything. They finally moved....thank goodness.

The best you can do is continue to go down your legal route to stopping the activity you're upset about. It's the most unbelievable thing in the world to me that people are just so rude and insensitive, so I do feel your pain.