HELPPP!!! Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue

hi. REALLY REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE AND HELP. my boyfriend recently broke up with me out of the blue and we were dating for 2.5 years. everything was fine, he was sooo normal and nothing was wrong. his reason for breaking up was that his 'not in love with me anymore like he used to be'. then he said some pety reasons why like: i kept asking him to come over to my house (he didn't come over for 3 months, i went to his house 2-3 times a week) etc. i didnt say it in a mean and nasty way, i just told him how i was feeling.

he said his been feeling like this for a while around a month, and wanted to see if it could be sorted out 'by itself'. he never communicated to me what was wrong, dont know why and if he did the problem could have easily been fixed. he kept saying otherwise it would be have 'forced fixed' if he told me, but thats what relationships are about!!! if somethings annoying you, you tell your partner about it!. his going through a rough time atm (dont want to say why). not sure if this has influenced his decision. we talked in person about it, and he said before he still loves me just not 'inlove like before'. he then said he cares and wants to know how i am and he will call me (in 1-3 weeks). we talked about having kids, and marriage, and moving out everything!!

do you think his actually done or give him some space.

PLEASE HELP ME IM AN EMOTIONAL WRECK!!

I just don't understand how someone all of a sudden looses interest from their partner. I don't know why people can't handle each others imperfections. We're all humans, we make mistakes sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly. I don't know why perfection is the only thing partners seek from each other.

It seems this generation doesn't deserve love and to be loved.

Anyway, since he's broke up with you out of the blue, then even you ought to move on out of the blue. Give him his space, don't run behind him and seek for the answers otherwise you'll loose the chance if you'll have any. Allow him to come to you and reconcile the things between you guys and if he don't come then you have your answer.

Meanwhile, just take care of yourself, because this is now going to be a tough phase of your life. You need to stop any sort of contacts with him. You need to now work upon yourself, things are now going to be harder and challenging and that is where you've to keep patience and prove yourself. Trust me honey, you'll surpass all this at the soonest.

Take care of yourself love!

thank you for responding, i really appreciate it. really just need some advice on it its so hard and i really dont understand it i really dont i cant even explain to you the feelings im going through at the moment. This just happened a couple days ago so im just miserable and crushed.

we had something so real i cant even explain it. everyone saw it in his and mine family, everyone knew it. im close with his family im hoping they can talk to him about it and he comes to his senses

do you really think there could be a chance for us getting back together? i explained to him the reasons behind the 'problem' hope that his thought about it. all he needed to do was tell me whats going on!!! he just wanted it to happen 'normally' and 'not force' which is so stupid, if someone has a people they tell them to they can work on it

I'm sorry, but he does not love you anymore.

In the future, do not be the one to go to him. He should have been coming to you, 50% of the time. Relationships should be equal, or people will lose respect.

People show their love through their actions. And, please do not accept the friend card, as it will be even more hurtful. You need to tell this guy when you speak, not to contact you unless he wants full reconciliation. You will not get him back, by being a friend, and allowing yourself to be used for sex and ego strokes.

Recognize your value, and others will too.

do you really think there could be a chance for us getting back together? i explained to him the reasons behind the 'problem' hope that his thought about it. all he needed to do was tell me whats going on!!! he just wanted it to happen 'normally' and 'not force' which is so stupid, if someone has a people they tell them to they can work on it

What he said is a string along.

I highly doubt it was out of the blue. I'm certain he has been considering it for some time.

If he had valued the relationship, he would have been more responsive, and not expect his gf to travel to him. He also would not have ended things, due to a minor conflict. He would want to work things through and treat you as you should be treated.

thanks for responding.

it was out of the blue because everything seemed normal. He did say that he thought about it for 4-6 weeks but if he had a problem back then he should have said something!

i know thats what hurts the most is that the conflict was sooo minor and didnt bother to tell me. could have tired to fix it before it was a massive problem. he just kept thinking about it in his head. i want to speak to a relative of his to see if they can help, is that a good idea? i was very very close to her.

Unfortunately, his actions in the months prior to this demonstrated he was checking out. This wasn't a sudden loss of interest, nor was it out of the blue - though I know it feels that way for you. Actions are extremely important, and the fact he couldn't be bothered to come to your house for 3 months was a sign something was wrong. He was already fading.

You're right that in general, partners should communication to each other when problems arise. But the very fact that he didn't tell you what was on his mind also indicates he wasn't interested in fixing it, either. He is right that you can't "force fix" issues; it's his prerogative to end it if he is no longer wants to be in the relationship. His family and friends have nothing to do with it and it would inappropriate for them to try to change his mind. And think about it: do you really want a guy you have to convince to stay with you? That almost never works out well.

Relationships, especially when the couple is young (and I am guessing you both are?), often do just run their course. People grow and change and want different experiences. He might come back around, or this might really be the end. It is important for you to proceed based not on hypotheticals, but on the current reality - he doesn't wish to be together anymore. I know, it's very hard. It hurts. However, proceeding with healing and detaching from him will set you up for a faster recovery so you'll be in a better position for whomever enters your life next.

Take care of yourself now, be kind and patient with yourself as you heal.

thanks for responding.

 

it was out of the blue because everything seemed normal. He did say that he thought about it for 4-6 weeks but if he had a problem back then he should have said something!

 

i know thats what hurts the most is that the conflict was sooo minor and didnt bother to tell me. could have tired to fix it before it was a massive problem. he just kept thinking about it in his head. i want to speak to a relative of his to see if they can help, is that a good idea? i was very very close to her.

No, it's not a good idea. It is crossing a boundary. Leave his family out of this.

You say everything seemed normal, but I ask you: was it normal that he no longer wanted to come to see you? That you had to always go to him instead?

thanks for responding. i know it was just that minor thing. at the start of our relationship he never came to my house alot anyways so its not like all of a sudden it changed and wasnt coming at all. I brought it up with him the last 3 months about him not coming cause thats when it started to bother me.

I understood his point about 'force fix' but because the issues were so minor i took that as its not really 'force fixing' but rather sorting out problems. everyone has problems in relationships its normal.

Of course i don't, but i'm not sure if the other thing that going on in his life (cant say) has affected him in some way about his decision. i think it has, and even his relative told me that his going to suffer and push people away because of this issue, she told me he could do this to me. do you think this could have anything to do with it? Thats why i wanted to talk to his relative.

Not to tell them to tell him to get back with me.

im in early-mid 20's and so is he.

It is so hard, thanks for telling me your point.

it was normal because it was always like that at the start of our relationship. i always went to see him and i saw ok with it upto 3 months ago when i told him about it.

i wasnt going to tell his relatives to 'tell him to get back with me', but rather see what they think as his been going through an issue (cant say), and that relative said his going to pull away from people and probably you cause i was the closest to him.

i replied to this but not sure where it went

he never came to my house from the beginning very much, it didnt just start from 3 months ago. so it was normal for him to not come over. also we are in our early-mid 20's.

i understood about the 'force fix' issue and his point, but because the problem was so minor it could have been easily fixed. it would have been like a normal problem that you can fixx.

to answer your question: of course i dont want that. something just doesnt seem right everything was the same, just think that this other thing in his life affected it. His relative said that this could happen and he would shut-down.

"'not in love with me anymore like he used to be'"

As hard as it is, I strongly recommend never talking to this guy ever again. He is going to tear you apart if you maintain contact, in my opinion.

i know its just so hard even hearing those words

its just strange actions from him because he was honestly the kindness, trustful guy that i've meet and known. had this connection that i cant even explain - we could be stupid weridos together.

thats why its hard to understand and the timing of it links in with the timing of a sadness that has happened to him (cant say).

it was normal because it was always like that at the start of our relationship. i always went to see him and i saw ok with it upto 3 months ago when i told him about it.

 

i wasnt going to tell his relatives to 'tell him to get back with me', but rather see what they think as his been going through an issue (cant say), and that relative said his going to pull away from people and probably you cause i was the closest to him.

So what do you hope to gain by talking to this relative?

I still think it's not a good idea. He doesn't want to be with you at this time, so it's best to respect his wishes and leave him be. You're also assuming that he doesn't know his mind - he told you he no longer feels the same way about you. Believe him; trust me, I speak from experience. Assume that he's being honest and doesn't see you as a girlfriend anymore.

i guess some more clarity. you probably think that its stupid. but it was honestly so strange and out of no where for me. even for everyone else no one knew anything was wrong so it wasnt just me.

i think once ive spoken to them, it will give me more clarity. they will be upfront about what they think it going on, as they know the other issue. feel like it wont make sense to anyone. i could be sounding really stupid.

i asked him if i could talk to them because i was close to them and he said yes . he was ok with it. i asked him when we had the chat and he broke it off. he also said he still does love me just not 'in love' and care for me and that he will ring me in 1-3 weeks to check up

yeh you're probably right in saying that i know his honest about it.

It's not "stupid" to want clarity, but it is unrealistic to think you will get it from his relatives or anywhere else. You're not ready to let go of the relationship (denial) and he is. At this point, you're looking for any scrap you can find. Hope is not your friend. Hope will keep you hanging on when you should let go.

Yes, it's possible that this issue he's experiencing drove his decision, but that doesn't mean it's clouding his decision necessarily. For your own dignity and healing, it's best to go NC with him and his family.

I'm so sorry you're hurting.

As Clarisse says, you are likely not going to get much more clarity from his family than you already have from him.

For your own good, it is far better not to remain attached to his family. They feel for you, of course. But I really don't think talking to them will serve you any benefit. He might not care if you speak to them, but it's not really in your best interest. You will be looking for any clue from them that there is hope, and this isn't good for you right now.

thank you for responding, i really appreciate it. really just need some advice on it its so hard and i really dont understand it i really dont i cant even explain to you the feelings im going through at the moment. This just happened a couple days ago so im just miserable and crushed.

 

we had something so real i cant even explain it. everyone saw it in his and mine family, everyone knew it. im close with his family im hoping they can talk to him about it and he comes to his senses

I am going through the same honey, I know what are you going through. We broke up late April and I kept apologising, sought for the answers and tried to reconcile the things between us till this previous Monday. I failed totally. I couldn't mend things between us. Now is the time for me to let him go forever.

In the future, make the relationship 50/50. You should not be traveling to someone the majority of the time. This point shows that there was a lack of value for you.

Expect more from your partners. If guy is really into you, he will make the effort.

OP , who paid for the dates?