Why does this bother me so much?

Hey guys. So gf of 7 years has left me for another guy again long story short and some of you know the long. So I did the unhealthy habit of looking at her Facebook and see that her and the guy she cheated on me with and left me for are now " Facebook official." It has enraged me so much because in all our years we never were and while it wasn't a big deal to me at the time now it feels like I'm something to be ashamed of. I threw out some texts to her telling her what I thought of all the lies and deceit, because I had been too forgiving towards her. I also did it since the last time we spoke she said don't worry about it it's just casual. Like she wanted to keep me under thumb.

It's only been a month and a half since we broke up, even though she was cheating on me three weeks prior to that. I know not to look at her Facebook since I barely use it anyway. I just feel so low, pissed and like something to be ashamed of.

Hey guys. So gf of 7 years has left me for another guy again long story short and some of you know the long. So I did the unhealthy habit of looking at her Facebook and see that her and the guy she cheated on me with and left me for are now " Facebook official." It has enraged me so much because in all our years we never were and while it wasn't a big deal to me at the time now it feels like I'm something to be ashamed of. I threw out some texts to her telling her what I thought of all the lies and deceit, because I had been too forgiving towards her. I also did it since the last time we spoke she said don't worry about it it's just casual. Like she wanted to keep me under thumb.

 

It's only been a month and a half since we broke up, even though she was cheating on me three weeks prior to that. I know not to look at her Facebook since I barely use it anyway. I just feel so low, pissed and like something to be ashamed of.

All you can do is give it some time and you'll start to care about it less. You're going to drive yourself mad trying to figure out the how's and why's. People do what they do with little regard for the feelings of the people they leave behind because they have no more investment in our future and could care less what we think or how we feel. it's a sad-fact that is incredibly hard to come to terms with. I'm two weeks into no contact and I feel SO much better. Try to stay busy and she will come to mind less and less. These people don't deserve a place in our brain. They stopped paying rent.....

It bothers you because you are only a month out from a seven year relationship. Do yourself a favor and stop looking at her stuff. Do yourself an even bigger favor and journal or call a good friend to vent rather than contacting her. The more you look, the more you find out, the worse you will feel.

Thanks for the responses guys! I do think she's attempting to make it look as legitimate as possible since she's illegal and probably will marry ASAP if nothing more than to get a green card. Funny because the last time she was screwing around with someone else she said she only wanted to be with me because I'd marry her and fix her papers.

Well let her use someone else. Be thankful it’s not you and let this go for good. I read your first thread. She’s been messing you about for a very long time, even hiding you from her family. This was doomed but you kept going back for more abuse. Stay gone this time.

Time to unfriend her, block her, remove her # from your phone and overall stop checking up on what she's doing. Each time you look at her page or send her a text you are setting yourself back to Square One and you will never get over her by doing that.

Thank you for the replies! I know better than all of this but I'm having trouble having patience with myself. I have no doubt that if I checked it in a few more months they'll be engaged since she is illegal and would do it if nothing more than to get a green card. Funny because the last time she was screwing around with another guy behind my back she told me she was just with me cause she knew I'd marry her and fix her papers.

Why haven't you blocked and deleted her contact info?

I have renamed her "lying cheating expletive" on my phone. I know her number by heart so deleting it wouldn't do much good.

Don't think she'll do it for a green card. She was with you long enough to get married, so what makes you think she'd do it for someone else?

I am sorry you're hurting though. Don't look at her stuff. If she cheated once she'll probably do it again so just keep to the high road.

Obviously she was baiting you and it worked, (sorry). In any event I wouldn't put much stock in that Facebook nonsense, as it's usually made to sound well overdone.

Try to take it one day at a time, you'll still land on your feet.

Thank you heart and mustlovedogs. I know it's a silly thing to let piss me off. She does know how to get under my skin. To answer your question mod the reason I feel that way is the immigration status thing is a relatively new development. Plus when we reconciled she said we should take it slow when it came to intimacy yet was suggesting elopement at only 4 months after she broke my heart the first time.

I'm sorry you're hurting, but the main thing you should focus on, is the fact that she cheated on you. I doubt very much that you could survive the long term, and have a healthy relationship after what she did.

Keep in mind that we set the standards on how others treat us. I hope you can make the right choices.

Dude after of almost 4 years i broke up with the mother of my kid(thats what she is now) i felt so low man even though i broke up with her.still to this day i love her, and still see her almost every day.its been 2 months for 2 weeks i felt low man,no eating, sleeping veey little. after i pulled myself together started working out, going out with friends, working on my house.i havent worked in 2 months.

Do yourself a huge favor man keep yourself busy it hells alot.join a gym, work out at home, anyrhing to keep your mind off of her.everyones right cheat once shame on her cheat again shame on you.if it walks like a duck acts like a duck its a duck.

Just let her be man.honestly i know it hard to move on im currently at the point where im not sure what to do myself but one day at a time man.

But keep yourself busy.go out man get out if town do something fun for yourself. Another women will come along.

Thanks everyone! I'm not so hung up on wanting her back just angry. I put up with so much crap because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I didn't want to believe she turned into this morally repulsive woman.

I feel the same way as you do - a feeling of betrayal. The ending of my story is very similar to yours. It's been about 3 months, and I can definitely say the reason those feelings and thoughts keep creeping up in my mind is because I will stay in touch with her in some way every now and then. And on the few occasions we speak or text and it's not the same - and I hear the way she talks about our relationship, the new one, her new tone towards me, her real thoughts about what happened -> the angrier I get.

Even though you know her number by heart I say delete it. because in the future you'll have to type it. and with enough time you may forget one number - or it will take you that extra 2 seconds to recall and text/call her. enough to catch yourself and just stop. you can still feel angry and upset, but it won't bring her back or get 'revenge' or make you feel better if you contact her.

One thing that has really helped me is going on dates. We think our ex is the only woman in the world, but it's not true. Maybe you should try it - there are many online dating apps now. There were many dates where I would compare everything to my ex and not be present. Then there was one girl (2 months ago) who was really down to earth and showed me that my ex was not the only girl in the world. After this something clicked and I moved forward a little. It didn't work out but I didn't care.

There are certain habits or ways I would act with my ex that tend to creep up, and I'm still working on dealing with these.

Another thing that makes things worse for me is returning to the same places - the same gym I used to go to (I had left the country and just returned), the restaurants, the drives, even certain foods, and music.

Explore new places - give your mind something new to wonder about.

Exercise regularly - remap and reward your brain.

Keep busy, and when thoughts of her come in your head you have to immediately and intentionally tell yourself "no, I'm not going to think about it right now." Otherwise they will flood your brain easier and easier every time.

It's all hard, but do what makes you happy.

I hope I don't come off as a broken record, and I still haven't gotten over it completely. But I know that there is nothing I can say to her, she can say to me, or she can do for me that will change her actions. I love her for sure, but given everything, it is not meant to be. She is right for me in many ways. She is wrong for me in many other ways. And the latter are enough to keep me moving forward.

I think we may need to stop trying to understand what happened. It happened, and to understand why will consume us and lead us nowhere. There is no reason for it that will give you peace.

You are better without this girl man everything happens for a reason best you find out now then years down the line

Do you all think it'd be bad karma if I got her deported? I know it's kind screwed up but I'm just so angry. I don't think we need yet another liar and cheat here. Go ahead and blast me away if y'all feel like.

Do you all think it'd be bad karma if I got her deported? I know it's kind screwed up but I'm just so angry. I don't think we need yet another liar and cheat here. Go ahead and blast me away if y'all feel like.

If I dated a guy and found out he had his ex deported, I would dump him on the spot. That tells me you can't handle your emotions, think forward with any reason, are vengeful and spiteful, and could find a way to ruin my life somehow if i stayed with you too long.

Lol! Thanks for the honesty MLD! I am feeling very vengeful and spiteful right now. I know I won't end up doing it because I'm sure in the long run I'd feel terrible about it. I just am having a hard time letting go of the years of emotional abuse while all the while being supportive and understanding of her.