An update on my last thread about my mom having affairs.

So I hd written a long paragraph about my mum having affairs on the last thread. So according to majority of the advises that I received I stayed out of her business and remained silent for a long while. But about a week ago I found out that she has been lending money to this person. So our family is going through a really weak face right now we are almost broke and don't have money to pay the electricity bill or cover necessities. Me and my sister are sacrificing so much, we are not spending money on anything and gave up our savings to help pay the bills. Dad is really stressed and is trying not to put that stress into others so he doesn't talk much. So my mother lent more than 2 lakhs(3000usd) to this person who she is having the affair with. It's really hard to keep quiet about everything and act normal. Especially when she worsens the situation by telling us that its because of us that we are in such a situation. This guy absolutely spends the money on petty things and buys himself luxuries. So she spends my dad's money on him while my dad is going to a very tough situation. We love our mum but Everytime We think about this we just feel so sad and depressed. I don't know if anyone can understand this because last time when I told about this people called us creepy and stuff because we look through my mom's phone. So even if we stay out of her business she is going to keep sending him more of my my dad's money and he just keeps demanding and she just gives him because he threatens to leave her if she doesn't. I just don't want to sit and watch this anymore I want to take action. Please try to put yourself in my shoes and advise us on what is the best to do. Thank you for your time.

I mean what does your dad say when $3,000 he needs just vanishes? To be honest, between her time and effort to cheat and now leaving a money trail, if your dad doesn't see something's off, it's gotta be because he doesn't want to. While I'm a big proponent of sons and daughters not being involved in their parents' marital problems, infidelity included, even if I were the type to think otherwise, all you'd really accomplish is just be throwing yourself in the line of fire to absolutely no benefit to you or, sadly, even your father. It sounds like you and your sister are on a sinking ship... don't know how old you guys are, but I'd start investing in getting yourself off of it.

According to your previous thread, you stated that you did show your Dad some of your Mom's texts, and made him promise not to let on he's aware of this situation. Unless I'm missing something this doesn't seem to add up.

With that amount of money on the line, I find it odd that your Dad would choose to put his family in jeopardy, rather than take charge of the situation.

Assuming this thread is real, show your father the phone or a pic of the texts showing her giving him $3,000.00. Heart makes a good point, but to expand on it, why would a grown man agree to not address his wife cheating on him? What is the benefit to him or your family. Quite odd.

Did you stop looking through your mother's phone?

You are putting yourself in the middle of your parent's choices. Your Dad knows about the affair and chooses to do nothing. Your mother knows you know and chooses to do nothing. They are adults. They get to make their own choices. You can't force your mother to be a good partner to your Dad. You can't force your father to stand up for himself. The only person you can take care of in this situation is yourself and maybe help your sister out. Save up and move out. Being around your parents dysfunctional relationship is only hurting you and your relationship with them.

Move out. Let them lead their own lives. And really really STOP going through your mother's phone. You are adding unneeded drama into your life when you snoop on her.

Thank you for the advice

My mom has been doing this for quite a period of time in small amounts. Anyway I understood what ur trying to convey. Thank you for ur concern.

I really do wanna move out. But in my country it just cannot be done unless ur married. Trust me we did try everything. It's killing my younger sister, she's fallen back in studies too. I hv tried everything to help her. We don't hv grandparents, cousins or close adults to share this with. All we hv are our parent. That's it, no one else. I hv remained silent all this while and often cry myself to sleep. I hv changed from the once cheerful person to this depressing person. The only reason why we want it to work is because we hv no one else. If the society comes to know about this, it will be a huge embarrassment for us. We are trying our rbest to move on. Sorry if I sounded too aggressive and I'm thankful for all ur concern. The only place I can ask for advice is on this forum. So please don't be judgemental while replying.All ur replies do make an impact on my life decisions. So please be careful of what your say.

I think you need to learn to accept that every family has issues and you never know what really goes on behind closed doors in any family. Outwardly, people tend to present a perfect front, but.... So, your parents are CHOOSING to live the way they are. This is their decision as far as their relationship is concerned. You don't have a choice but to accept and live with the decisions both of your parents are making regarding their relationship. That's all. Instead of fixating on what they are doing, you and your sister need to focus on your own lives, studies, and future. How you personally choose to lead your life is all you are in control of.

You are also very young and inexperienced and you are at an age where life seems like it's all clear and black and white, good and bad. The older you get and the more mileage you get under your own belt, the more you will learn that life is mostly grey and there is a lot of "it depends" instead of just good v. bad. Things are mostly not clear cut.

This is most unfair Confused:

"right now we are almost broke and don't have money to pay the electricity bill or cover necessities. Me and my sister are sacrificing so much, we are not spending money on anything and gave up our savings to help pay the bills."

You ARE being affected by this strange situation. In essence your mother is being blackmailed by an individual who "threatens to leave her" if she doesn't give him money. Just to enquire how can he leave her if he isn't living with her.

Unfortunately, only your father can take action against this individual. Has the blackmailer got a name and address? Does your father know him?

You are in a bind because unlike other countries where many of us live, you cannot leave your home unless you get married. That is alien to many of us on here.