3 years of confusion

I've been seeing this guy for three years. In the beginning he was my perfect husband. He began to change even pushed me away, when his friends started having problems. He said I made him feel things he didn't want to. Now I'm feeling confused because he tells his friends he wants to marry me on front of me yet he disappears more often as the months pass. When I question him he said he'll be bluntly honest. With the way he's moving I can't tell if he's cheating or playing mind games to see if I'll cheat. Even though we don't have a title but a spoken level of commitment too one another. I love him dearly but I don't want to look like a fool for the forth time, as he doesn't after his 16 year marriage. But either way yesterday he set his phone to do not disturb and I haven't talked to him. As understanding of his situation I am. I'm finding this too disrespectful. Considering he has told me when he's ready he's just proposing.

It sounds to me like you've been seeing this guy for three years... no label... and he's treating you more like an option than a priority? He's pushing you away and disappears for days at a time. OK - got it.

However, it's a very short post so I'm assuming there is more to the story. How often do you see each other?

If you say you don't want to look like a fool for the forth time, does this mean it's happened before with this man or three other times with other men?

"When I question him he said he'll be bluntly honest" - what does he say in response that is bluntly honest?

I think we'll need a bit more information to decipher what's going on here.

You made mention of a 16 year marriage which isn't clear. However, it can be one of two things:

1. It seems that this guy is caught between a rock and a hard place, meaning, he might be afraid of commitment but is feeling that he wants you for the rest of his life.

2. Him telling his friends that you are the one in front of you could be a ploy to comfort you. See, his friends can know of his cheating ways and have their pact like police officers do.

I hope its not number two. Also, 3 years is still a relatively short period to be contemplating a life long commitment. Put your mind at ease, stop thinking of MARRIAGE and actually focus on YOU&HIM. There is a difference. because with or without a ring, he will still be the same person, so you need to just be more focused on you & him and the marriage will come if its to be. Try to see how you can improve the relationship and communicate with him your frustration.

However, it's a very short post so I'm assuming there is more to the story. How often do you see each other?

We use to live with each other until last year. Know if him when I go to his house. Which I have a key to his house and he has a key to mine. I bought a house and yes there more to the story. He used to treat me like a priority but when his friends started having relationship/marriage problems that's when he changed. Started saying that women cheat. He even tried to say he just cared and would start having chest pains. So now he just tells me he loves me. When I speak with him about what's going on he says he wouldn't take care of me. Ex of ignoring if: my car stops, bill needs payment, daughter needs to be picked up. I send a text and he takes care of it.

If you say you don't want to look like a fool for the forth time, does this mean it's happened before with this man or three other times with other men?

I've been married three time to great liars. They pretty much said the same thing. It's easy to cheat because I'm trusting and all men cheat when given the chance.

When I ask him he let's me know he doesn't have to lie. Because I'm not his wife and he one believes in single and married. Girlfriend boyfriend aren't for children. He disappears when there's a death in his circle, he's moody, and really pissed off. When I tell him that's not cool he apologize and says that when he feels certain ways he rather not take it out on me.

He said he wouldn't take it out on me.

You made mention of a 16 year marriage which isn't clear. However, it can be one of two things:

 

1. It seems that this guy is caught between a rock and a hard place, meaning, he might be afraid of commitment but is feeling that he wants you for the rest of his life.

2. Him telling his friends that you are the one in front of you could be a ploy to comfort you. See, his friends can know of his cheating ways and have their pact like police officers do.

 

I hope its not number two. Also, 3 years is still a relatively short period to be contemplating a life long commitment. Put your mind at ease, stop thinking of MARRIAGE and actually focus on YOU&HIM. There is a difference. because with or without a ring, he will still be the same person, so you need to just be more focused on you & him and the marriage will come if its to be. Try to see how you can improve the relationship and communicate with him your frustration.

Pretty much he takes care of me when I need, because he doesn't want me to all any other man, dad included. Yes I do feel like I'm an option. As well as my loyalty is being tested all the time. But when I ask if he wants me to leave. He says if he wanted me to hell just tell me. I ask if he loves me. He says if he didn't love me he wouldn't do what he does. And this I know to be true. He's laid back with me for the most part but I've seen him be a butt munch to others. But a part of me feels like he's cheating and is to much of a coward to tell me because he doesn't have dirt on me. And I let him know my views on cheating. He's still ignoring my phone calls which I'm sure he's going to have another excuse of why I couldn't reach him.

You made mention of a 16 year marriage which isn't clear. However, it can be one of two things:

 

1. It seems that this guy is caught between a rock and a hard place, meaning, he might be afraid of commitment but is feeling that he wants you for the rest of his life.

2. Him telling his friends that you are the one in front of you could be a ploy to comfort you. See, his friends can know of his cheating ways and have their pact like police officers do.

 

I hope its not number two. Also, 3 years is still a relatively short period to be contemplating a life long commitment. Put your mind at ease, stop thinking of MARRIAGE and actually focus on YOU&HIM. There is a difference. because with or without a ring, he will still be the same person, so you need to just be more focused on you & him and the marriage will come if its to be. Try to see how you can improve the relationship and communicate with him your frustration.

I agree that's why I'm upset because I can't marry anyone who distance themselves. Giving the fact that if loving me scares him. What will he do to ease that feeling?

And I was never thinking of marriage because I've leaped without looking too many times.

Sounds to me its more of a case of afraid of commitment. He is at the stage of looking at all that he has to give up and that pretty much scares me. I know it did me. The cheating part, I cant speak to for obvious reasons. What i would say is that it would be great for him to be straight with you, to know where you both stand. Just grow some balls and man up and say what the real issue is. Him ignoring you can be as a result of you always chasing him. He may be used to it. You need to flip the script. Text him and tell him to have it his way! And you give him the silent treatment. That should get him talking. You must be strong tho. Try to hold out for a week or 2!

Sounds to me its more of a case of afraid of commitment. He is at the stage of looking at all that he has to give up and that pretty much scares me. I know it did me. The cheating part, I cant speak to for obvious reasons. What i would say is that it would be great for him to be straight with you, to know where you both stand. Just grow some balls and man up and say what the real issue is. Him ignoring you can be as a result of you always chasing him. He may be used to it. You need to flip the script. Text him and tell him to have it his way! And you give him the silent treatment. That should get him talking. You must be strong tho. Try to hold out for a week or 2!

I just don't like games, when I'm on love with someone. But I am going to stop calling. And by week three just give him his key and ask for mine.

Update:

He said he went to Mexico, Miami and Tampa. Said his iphone was on Mexico service. And incurred $100 worth of charges. Never went to Mexico, but I'm sure it doesn't cost much to call the states from a landline. Correct me if I'm wrong.