Need some expert advice and don't know where to turn....

I have been dating a girl since February 2017. She's 42 - I am 47. We met during the Christmas break - hit it off and started dating in Feb 2017.

Things are going well. We go out, we stay at each others houses. she's very loving and there is a good deal of closeness and intimacy when we are together - which I like very much

The sex is better than I had hoped it would be. I enjoy her company and I have fallen for this woman. We have both told each other we love each other and still do to this day.

To everyone else - her friends and mine, we're a couple - boyfriend and girlfriend.

To her - she's not my girlfriend, we're only "seeing each other" which has started to make me feel like I am just an accessory in her life and something temporary. I feel like a play thing that gets pulled down from the shelf every so often, when she feels like she wants to have a good time.

At what point does it go from "Just seeing each other" to being someone's "Boyfriend"?

Don't get hung up on labels. Who cares what either of you call it as long as you both are enjoying it.....which you seem to be. Go with the flow and don't try and lock her down, she will let you know when she's ready by HER bringing up the conversation.

Labels to a certain degree do matter because they show how committed someone is or how they are seeing you and respecting you.

She does not sound as though she wants to commit to you and although you have had sex, said the words, she still will not commit. That certainly is something to take notice of and worry about.

Why won't she commit to being your girlfriend? What reasons does she give? I can't even figure out for the life of me why she wants you in her bed but will not say you're her boyfriend...wow.

A label doesn't show you that someone is committed to you....their actions do. Is she loving, caring, sharing, ....you get the picture.

Bull...you can't go and sleep with someone and then not take them seriously enough to call them your partner or bf/gf.

I disagree with you.

This woman sounds as though she wants her cake and eat it too. Sleep with this man for now, but keep the door open for any man who might come along. She knows what she's doing.

She can play around with this man, but if another guy comes along...a co worker or someone who has seen her before and asks about this man or she is single, how easy will it be for her to smile at this new man and say.."No, he's not my boyfriend". As in your words....You get the picture.

She says that it's impossible for us to have a 24/7 relationship because I work six days a week and it's impossible for us to be able to live together because of financial reasons.

I didn't know that in order to qualify for Boyfriend/Girlfriend status, you needed to live together?

She's making excuses. She can't give you a commitment, there's not enough time, you work too much, you can't live together, BUT she can use your body whenever she pleases and your company but then place you back on the shelf and will not respect you enough to call you a boyfriend.

And no you don't need to live together to be boyfriend/girlfriend, she should be calling you that already. She doesn't want to because she doesn't feel you're a solid bet. It really does sound as though she wants to use you for the moment, but still keep the door open for other men.

I'm not saying it's not a potential red flag as regards to her investment in the relationship.......I'm saying that a label isn't going to change the relationship, or indeed stop her from hooking up with a co-worker......if you think it does then you should read more posts on the forum by " husbands" and "wives" and "boyfriends" and "girlfriends" all cheating on each other.

So no I don't think labels matter. If you have a problem with the way she treats you, that's another matter. If you think a label will give you security, respect, commitment then I think you are sadly mistaken.

Please....don't insult me on thinking I am a child who see's labels as being the end all. Obviously there has to be an actual commitment behind the words, but this woman is not willing to give this man either.

That's not right. This man is a temporary amusement for her right now and she has all sorts of reasons why she can't/won't commit to him. In her mind, he is the right now guy, but not the right guy.

At what point does it go from "Just seeing each other" to being someone's "Boyfriend"?

Apparently when you stop working six days a week and you are financially ready to progress the relationship.

She says that it's impossible for us to have a 24/7 relationship because I work six days a week and it's impossible for us to be able to live together because of financial reasons.

Basically when you win a lottery and can hang out everyday instead of working then she might deem you worthy.

Sorry guys - I didn't expect you to argue among each other.

Maybe I should just accept the way that it is, ride the wave so to speak and let it end on it's own volition?

Not sure what else to do.

All I ever wanted was to love and be loved in return.

For years, all I hear is that women want men to be committed towards a relationship. Well, here I am and I'm not wanted in that way.

What do I do?

Either accept that you are good enough for sex and company now and then but not as a boyfriend or husband,... or leave.

There is no other choice.

Sorry guys - I didn't expect you to argue among each other.

 

Maybe I should just accept the way that it is, ride the wave so to speak and let it end on it's own volition?

Not sure what else to do.

All I ever wanted was to love and be loved in return.

For years, all I hear is that women want men to be committed towards a relationship. Well, here I am and I'm not wanted in that way.

What do I do?

What do you do? Well you're not going to leave her so you do it her way.

So, why do you work six days a week and what does she mean by "financial reasons." Are you in debt or something?

Sorry guys - I didn't expect you to argue among each other.

 

Maybe I should just accept the way that it is, ride the wave so to speak and let it end on it's own volition?

Not sure what else to do.

All I ever wanted was to love and be loved in return.

For years, all I hear is that women want men to be committed towards a relationship. Well, here I am and I'm not wanted in that way.

What do I do?

Stop wasting your time on her and go seek a woman who is actually on the same page as you. What you want is perfectly normal and reasonable and what most people want, men and women. Unfortunately, you got involved with someone who is not on the same page and doesn't have the same relationship goals and ideas. When you encounter that, you simply recognize that you two are not actually compatible and simply part ways and keep seeking someone more on the same page. In short, don't settled in this case and then end up miserable and resentful.

I work six days a week in a busy retail environment. I make pretty good money.

She has a demanding job working in Mental Health.

The financial thing doesn't mean anyone is in debt. She's living in a house with a friend paying cheap rent and doesn't want that to change.

Stop wasting your time on her and go seek a woman who is actually on the same page as you. What you want is perfectly normal and reasonable and what most people want, men and women. Unfortunately, you got involved with someone who is not on the same page and doesn't have the same relationship goals and ideas. When you encounter that, you simply recognize that you two are not actually compatible and simply part ways and keep seeking someone more on the same page. In short, don't settled in this case and then end up miserable and resentful.

That is pure logic. Sound. Thank you.

Thank you everyone.

I work six days a week in a busy retail environment. I make pretty good money.

She has a demanding job working in Mental Health.

 

The financial thing doesn't mean anyone is in debt. She's living in house with a friend paying cheap rent and doesn't want that to change.

Besides, you're not asking her to move in with you, you're asking her to be your girlfriend which I assume you mean exclusive. Has she agreed to that at least?

Her reasons for not wanting the label seem weak.

Anyway... seems you're going to try and enjoy what you have with her without feeling angst so be it.

Best of luck... (do get that exclusive talk out there if you haven't already.)

Yes, we are exclusive and not seeing anyone else.

It's just that her friends and mine are always referring to me as her "Boyfriend" but not her and I gotta say, it hurts.

Yes, we are exclusive and not seeing anyone else.

It's just that her friends and mine are always referring to me as her "Boyfriend" but not her and I gotta say, it hurts.

But have you ever straight out asked her why she does not consider you a boyfriend and if she ever will?

Does she correct them when they refer to you as her boyfriend?

No she has not.

But have you ever straight out asked her why she does not consider you a boyfriend and if she ever will?

She says: we hardly see each other - I work six days then there are times when she is off with her friends going out and I have my own interests and hobbies.

I don't know, OP. I think it's basically what another poster wrote. You and she are on two different pages and she wants a casual FWB buddy and you're looking for something more serious.

It just comes down to the fact that you both want different things.