Baby Mama Drama

I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half. So my boyfriend has a 16 year old daughter that does not live with him. After meeting me for the first time his daughter hung a 5x8 picture of her mother on his refrigerator. I asked him to take it down and after arguing with me about it, he finally agreed to remove it. His daughter recently came over and rehung the picture. He feels that he's choosing me over his daughter if he removes it. I feel like I can't move forward with a man that has a picture of his baby mama on his refrigerator. Am I wrong?😞

Am I wrong?😞

It's not a matter of being right or wrong. It's about compromise and compatibility. If you two can't agree with both, then it simply won't work.

The daughter will always be there. If you're unwilling to accept that, then perhaps you should find someone without children.

Good luck.

Yeah you are wrong. His daughter is acting resentful. She is a teenager. That is what they do.

Maybe you shouldn't be spending time with her just yet. Let her time with her father be solo and don't worry about her protective actions. Your partner isn't drooling over his ex, he is letting his daughter (who is going through a rough time) have some say in his home because it is her home too. She is a child and you are the adult. It's your job not to get resentful and reactionary. If you don't like seeing her face have your boyfriend come stay at your place.

This is really a problem with you. If you were secure in your relationship, then it would not bother you. He is not with his ex, he is with you. So a picture of his daughter's mother on the fridge should not be a problem .

You will not win in a power struggle with his teenage daughter. Sure, the picture could come down and now you have won the resentment of his daughter.

Your boyfriend has a daughter, and that comes with the package. He will always put her needs first, as he should.

Stop thinking of her mother as the enemy, and take some time to get to know your bf's daughter.

Thanks to everyone for the honest advice.

Eh, idk I mean, she's 16 and it's pretty obvious that she's sending you a clear message. If you've been seeing her dad for 1.5 years then I would think she'd have some sort of realationship with you to where she wouldn't be purposely disrespecting you or sending you a "f*ck off" message like this. How long ago did you meet her? I think if I were in her father's position (and assuming you've been good with her), I'd have a talk with daughter about the whole situation. Not necessarily reprimanding her, but finding out WHY she feels that picture needs to be there, how she feels about you, etc. Based on her responses, I may or may not go ahead and tell her that she's being a bit inconsiderate. My daughter's feelings would come first, but after a year and a half (and her being old enough), I'd hope she'd be past behaving like this.

PS. If I were you, I'd be pissed too. Which is why I couldn't date someone who has kids with Mom still around. There's nothing wrong with that, it's just how we are, and that's okay.

The daughter just met you. She doesn't know you. She's angry. She's 16. She knows it's being removed by you/because of you. I would not fight this battle if I were you, especially if you hope to have this man in your life long term and have the possibility of forming a healthy (even if only surface level) relationship with her. That might never happen, but if you fall into the trap of playing these sorts of games with her it'll guarantee that you never get along and more resentment will form. Take it down when she's not visiting. Is it really worth the drama? Not sure how old you are, but I probably would have made an issue out of it in my younger years. In my 30s and having been through some things I'm over it. I get that you don't want to look at your man's ex, but assuming you are secure in your relationship with him...eh. Don't make him choose between you and his daughter. I think ultimately you will lose that battle. Sorry.

It's in line of "my dad is stronger than yours" argument. Stop being childish and let her rebel against anything she wants. By removing picture you are just deepening the problem.

I'd try to understand that this is about him and his daughter, and is of no concern of mine. This is his home, and he has every right to handle it as he wishes. Keep in mind that she's 16, and still growing up.

He's not choosing her over you, he's simply being a Dad who wants the best for his daughter.