Is this cheating??

My ex and I got together for closure a few weeks after our break up. We talked and said how much we loved eachother and it was very emotional, UNTIL.... I ask him about infidelity. He tells me I was right in suspecting he was going to happy ending massages...

One night about 6 months ago I was unable to reach him at our usual time to talk, he calls me about 40 min later to tell me he randomly decided to get a massage at an asian massage parlor near his job after work. This is extremely unusual behavior for him bc he usually prioritizes his workouts after he gets done at work and is constantly talking about how hes spending too much money etc. etc.

I asked if it was a happy-ending type deal and he said "no, I would never do that." He lied to me and apparently has done it 4-5 times total.

We were intimate during these months but before the break up it died down.

My problem is that he's been lying to my face, sleeping in the same bed as me for months and was comfortable with it! I began to become paranoid and during this break up I was blaming myself partly for being "too jealous" over controlling etc.

Now I realize my intuitions were correct, and I'm pissed, hurt and also still sad from the break up...

He said he did not see a problem with it "it's not prostitution" and a lot of people do it.

We are both very sad to lose each other but now I feel betrayed, every fond memory I have or picture I see all I can think is that behind it all he was lying to me. I was a wreck the first few weeks after break up, crying and now I am honestly shocked and confused and disgusted.

Is happy endings cheating? DO most men really do them? How do I trust men again.. he wanted to marry me and verbally proposed to me multiple times, asked me to move in with him, and was very protective of me, I thought it was real love.

Well, tell him you are got a happy ending massage from this guy named Vic, and see what he says.

Sorry, but if some person I was paying was touching my genitals to make me orgasm, that's cheating, prostitution, and disgusting.

Great rationalization on his part. He pays some stranger to get him off and he doesn't call it prostitution?

He knows the difference. He's just talking smack.

Be glad you are done with him.

It will take time . .but you will trust again.

Yeash....talk about gas lighting. Of course it's prostitution and yes, cheating on your relationship.

I don't know....things like that just make it easier to end the relationship and get rid of that person.

Btw, no it's not normal, it's not what everyone does and yes, you will find a guy who is loyal. More loyal, decent men out there than not, even if it doesn't seem like it to you right now.

pros·ti·tute

ˈprästəˌt(y)o͞ot/Submit

noun

1.

a person, in particular a woman, who engages in sexual activity for payment.

synonyms: call girl, ; More

To some it may not be cheating but... If it isn't cheating he would have discussed it with you first. It was a selfish act that was repeated several times. If he doesn't see it that way, be grateful you weren't married for many years with children before you saw this side of him. Still hurts, I know.

Another woman holds his penis and rubs it until he orgasms, and we are discussing whether this is cheating?????

Heck, she may be "holding" it in her mouth for all we know.

I must be on the wrong planet.

Yes, it's cheating. He's trying to justify it, with "everyone does it". What is he, 9? Everyone steals, so that's ok.

Loser.

How would this not be cheating....

idk what he told you but he must likely slept with all these girls.

what he did was gross and highly illegal.. Not to mention he was probably supporting a business that deals with human trafficking.

People see cheating differently, personally for me even a kiss would be cheating, but others tolerate much more. You are hurting right now and feeling betrayed, but hold on to the fact that your good memories are not wrong... Just because one aspect of your relationship has turned out to be false, doesn't mean it all was. Eventually the hurt you feel will fade, it just takes time. The relationship is over anyway so try not to obsess too much over what happened 6 months ago. As to trusting anyone again, that choice is yours. You can either let this bad experience break you, make you never trust and never find the relationship you deserve, or you can choose to not let this affect the rest of your life. Put your faith in the next man, but also trust your intuition... If something feels wrong, it probably is.

Thank you all for your replies I completely agree with everything said.

I told him if it's inappropriate and you have to lie about it then it's cheating and he agreed.

I am so torn. I feel duped and taken advantage of. We had an amazing sex life until this began happening (I didn't know about it but now when I think back this is when it began to dwindle)

If he told me about this I would have been upset but I think I would have left him so it was very selfish on multiple levels. I wish I didn't waste my time arguing with him or trying to bring our spark back, had I known I would have kicked him out.

It's disgusting. It does make this break up easier but I have already been sad about it for about 2 months.

Ive been anxious and sad and impatient, I have lost 15 lbs and everywhere I go reminds me of him, and how much I miss my "best friend"

I hate him and love him and want to punch him all at the same time.

I never, ever thought it would be this way. I used to have the relationship that made my friends jealous now I realize it was just a joke!

It is cheating in my books and in most jurisdictions, this is also prostitution. Your ex-boyfriend is a John, OP.

I would also not buy for one hot second that all he's done is get a hand-job, either. Sorry, but he is probably still lying through his teeth to you. He's only telling you what he think you will believe and trying to make you feel guilty for questioning him.

And no, it is most certainly not something all men do. Sleazy guys do. Leave this sleazy one behind you and get yourself tested. There is probably so much more you're still in the dark about.

The mere fact he justifies it and has no remorse would cause me to suspect there could be more than he's telling you, too.

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