Encouragement and Advice Needed Please

Hi,

When I was younger I was very ambitious and optimistic about the future, I believed I could turn things around for myself and create a fulfilling life, have a great job, active social life, nice house, cool cars and become a foster cater, being a positive role model for the children I cared for.

At 30 I have achieved very few of my ambitions (does a driving licence count?) despite working very hard I can't seem to get things together.

I left behind my friends and a stable cheap rented home to try and progress in life and am still trying to complete my degree 9 years after starting. I have no savings at all despite starting to organise my finances 8 years ago to get a deposit for a mortgage. I am constantly moving house (which is costly and upsetting) and job and the relationships I have drain the life out of me and never work out. My social life and life took a back seat whilst I pursued my dreams and now I'm somewhat a loner.

I'm exhausted and hopeless about the future. I feel like I've sacrificed everything worthwhile and gained nothing.

I need advice and encouragement on how to improve my attitude so I'm feeling enthused about pursuing my goals again and practical steps to achieve my goals.

My short term goals (2-3yrs)

Buy a house

Finish my degree (self funded)

Develop Career (self funded)

Better paid job (would definitely help other goals)

Basically I need a lot of money in a short timeframe.

My mid term goals (5 years)

Get chartered (again self funded)

Get reasonably priced fun car

Become self employed (contract work)

My long term goals (10 years)

Buy a bigger house to renovate

Get married

Become a foster career

Obviously the short term goals are my focus, I basically need money and lots of it. I'm seriously considering selling my car to fund my next uni module fee.

Sounds like you've had it pretty tough What is your current job and do you know why it has taken so long to complete your degree? Do you have any other qualifications you could be using to help with work/money?

Yes, finish your degree and develop your career as your first goal. I think you'll find most people need more money to reach their goals - it's just how things are. Unless you sell your soul when you're young to get into those really lucrative careers (investment, sales, corporate ladder climbing and the likes), it'll likely always feel this way.

Try not to compare yourself to others. I'm sure whatever path you've taken, you've grown and matured in valuable ways - the people who matter are the ones who recognise this.

One thing I've found that has helped is to focus a little less on concrete goals - I find if I don't achieve something one year, I defer it to the next, and the next, and so on. And ultimately I just feel frustrated and don't get a whole lot done outside of the basics. Better for me has been focusing on a feeling/circumstance/state of mind that I want to be in, and take all the opportunities that arise that will help to get me there - plan, calculate for your wellbeing, but don't get too hung up on the details. I know that's hard to come to terms with, but you know.. life gets in the way of itself.

Not sure if it will help you feel more hopeful about the future, but even if you get what you want, you still need to keep working at things. It's hard to be wholly satisfied in any particular state because we are told that upward mobility is the end goal of life and we buy into that - need the newest clothes, newest gadgets, new house, more freedom, more travel, better sex, more recognition from others. It's okay to want these things, so long as you recognise that they're not imperative to your happiness and identity. Find some balance between appreciating the little things in life while you push yourself forwards. No point getting everything you want 10 years from now only to realise that you wasted the journey feeling miserable and unhappy.

You'll get there. Just please, buy a cheap, small house your first time while you're trying to save. I've seen to many ppl buy houses that they barely qualified for and now they struggle.

Sounds like you've had it pretty tough What is your current job and do you know why it has taken so long to complete your degree? Do you have any other qualifications you could be using to help with work/money?

I start a new job on Monday (yet again), so will have to move (yet again) as the fuel costs of commuting alone are more than renting a room. I moved around a month ago to be closer to friends as I'm very depressed with this cycle I'm stuck in.

I'm a design engineer which doesn't pay poorly but with regularly moving eating up money and the costs of my uni fees I'm struggling to keep my savings. I had about 5k saved this time last year but a spell of unemployment, car troubles and being in a relationship ate up all of that.

Student finance withdrew funding in my final year, I contested it for months before the uni kicked me out 3 months from graduation for not paying. About a month after that student finance admitted it was a mistake and said they would pay after all. It was too late by then of course and I was heartbroken. I took whatever work I could for a few years til I woke up morning deciding I was going to apply for the jobs I would have if I'd graduated and get by on a good CV and confidence and enthusiasm. It worked and I could then afford to pay myself through uni and get out of debt. I was 10 minutes walk from work then and didn't run a car to save money.

I have until 2020 to finish my degree but at this rate I won't be able to afford to do so.

I'd say my car costs me £450 a month before accounting for fuel, servicing and repairs.

Honestly you couldn't make up the life I've had it's just ridiculous. I should write a book and make myself a fortune 😂😂😂

What is causing the constant moving and job change? Sounds to me like your first and absolute priority should be to find a stable job and stick with it no matter what.

Yes, finish your degree and develop your career as your first goal. I think you'll find most people need more money to reach their goals - it's just how things are. Unless you sell your soul when you're young to get into those really lucrative careers (investment, sales, corporate ladder climbing and the likes), it'll likely always feel this way.

 

Try not to compare yourself to others. I'm sure whatever path you've taken, you've grown and matured in valuable ways - the people who matter are the ones who recognise this.

 

One thing I've found that has helped is to focus a little less on concrete goals - I find if I don't achieve something one year, I defer it to the next, and the next, and so on. And ultimately I just feel frustrated and don't get a whole lot done outside of the basics. Better for me has been focusing on a feeling/circumstance/state of mind that I want to be in, and take all the opportunities that arise that will help to get me there - plan, calculate for your wellbeing, but don't get too hung up on the details. I know that's hard to come to terms with, but you know.. life gets in the way of itself.

 

Not sure if it will help you feel more hopeful about the future, but even if you get what you want, you still need to keep working at things. It's hard to be wholly satisfied in any particular state because we are told that upward mobility is the end goal of life and we buy into that - need the newest clothes, newest gadgets, new house, more freedom, more travel, better sex, more recognition from others. It's okay to want these things, so long as you recognise that they're not imperative to your happiness and identity. Find some balance between appreciating the little things in life while you push yourself forwards. No point getting everything you want 10 years from now only to realise that you wasted the journey feeling miserable and unhappy.

I don't have the luxury of not giving myself a timescale as I have a deadline to complete my degree otherwise I'd have focussed on a house first.

I'm not really materialistic and all those things you mentioned hold little value to me, all I want in life is to be successful by my own standards, self sufficient and settled.

I definitely need to enjoy the journey but with things always working out so poorly I just totally lost enthusiasm and confidence. Not in a good place at all.

You'll get there. Just please, buy a cheap, small house your first time while you're trying to save. I've seen to many ppl buy houses that they barely qualified for and now they struggle.

Yes I know, I'm not one of those people, I try my best to live very well within my means. I literally want the cheapest thing that is habitable lol.

I also intensely dislike the idea of paying more in interest each month than repayment. Will try get an affordable place so I can also save to upgrade or make early repayment.

What is causing the constant moving and job change? Sounds to me like your first and absolute priority should be to find a stable job and stick with it no matter what.

Moving due to uni initially and just taking whatever jobs I could to get by. Being unable to afford to live independently due to having minimum wage income. Been homeless twice. I was pushed out of one job because I couldn't do the overtime as well as study. Last job they didn't renew my contract. This new job I'm in the same situation. I've taken a job that's in a location that requires me to move again because I need an income. I'm so fed up of moving it will no doubt impact my work so who knows how long I'll last at this place. I'm on medication for anxiety and depression which helps improve my performance but not to a level I need. Need to break the cycle but going to struggle to do that when I'm feeling like this. Wish I had a reset button. If I had half the motivation and enthusiasm of my youth I'd be laughing.

Ok, how does this sound for an idea?

Rent the cheapest room I can find within walking distance of my new job.

Sell my car to pay for my next uni module.

Use the money I save from not running a car to save for my final uni module and a deposit on a house?

Ok, how does this sound for an idea?

 

Rent the cheapest room I can find within walking distance of my new job.

 

Sell my car to pay for my next uni module.

 

Use the money I save from not running a car to save for my final uni module and a deposit on a house?

I don't think you should do school until you're more stable with money.

And, honestly, if money is that tight, I don't underhand how your school isn't essentially already paid for.

Also, if you're moving so much, you shouldn't buy a house. You should only buy a house when you are settled in to a career.

Moving due to uni initially and just taking whatever jobs I could to get by. Being unable to afford to live independently due to having minimum wage income. Been homeless twice. I was pushed out of one job because I couldn't do the overtime as well as study. Last job they didn't renew my contract. This new job I'm in the same situation. I've taken a job that's in a location that requires me to move again because I need an income. I'm so fed up of moving it will no doubt impact my work so who knows how long I'll last at this place. I'm on medication for anxiety and depression which helps improve my performance but not to a level I need. Need to break the cycle but going to struggle to do that when I'm feeling like this. Wish I had a reset button. If I had half the motivation and enthusiasm of my youth I'd be laughing.

Right. Break the cycle is correct. I think you need to make a decision - either you focus first on getting a decent stable job that actually pays your bills OR you get a loan and complete your education full time asap and actually focus on that exclusively. Live in dorms on campus, get food assistance, aka campus cafeteria. Lots of people do it like that and get done and get their degree so they can move forward.

Thinking of jobs, a lot of basic office jobs - clerical, bookkeeping are pretty conducive to taking evening courses and will pay reasonable wages. Plus they aren't the kind of jobs you take home with you. So after work, you can actually focus on studies. If you insist on working and studying that is. So maybe instead of taking whatever, be a little more focused and selective on what you take on and make sure it actually helps you get to your goals.

I don't think you should do school until you're more stable with money.

 

And, honestly, if money is that tight, I don't underhand how your school isn't essentially already paid for.

 

Also, if you're moving so much, you shouldn't buy a house. You should only buy a house when you are settled in to a career.

It won't be paid for because of student finances mess up I have to fund it myself. I study part time and I have to complete by 2020 or that's that so I don't have the luxury of waiting indefinitely.

I want to get chartered so I will be taken seriously as a contractor so I won't realistically ever settle in a career I will be self employed working all over for various companies. As long as I have my base I will be happy with that.

Right. Break the cycle is correct. I think you need to make a decision - either you focus first on getting a decent stable job that actually pays your bills OR you get a loan and complete your education full time asap and actually focus on that exclusively. Live in dorms on campus, get food assistance, aka campus cafeteria. Lots of people do it like that and get done and get their degree so they can move forward.

 

Thinking of jobs, a lot of basic office jobs - clerical, bookkeeping are pretty conducive to taking evening courses and will pay reasonable wages. Plus they aren't the kind of jobs you take home with you. So after work, you can actually focus on studies. If you insist on working and studying that is. So maybe instead of taking whatever, be a little more focused and selective on what you take on and make sure it actually helps you get to your goals.

The role I'm in now pays my bills just fine, it doesn't however pay for a car plus uni fees plus have money to save for a house. I'm not convinced it would even pay for the uni fees on top of a car.

As far as the loan goes, I would not be able to get one that would support me for long enough to complete my studies "full time" plus the cost of fees. It's a part time course so there is no campus etc.

I've had those type of jobs you mentioned and they pay half of what my current role pays. That's why I ended up homeless twice. Couldn't afford to live let alone study!

I think even if I don't try and get my degree finished ASAP or try buy a house in a year or two the expense of running a car is not a viable option whilst trying to save money. I was able to save between 700 and 1100 a month when I was working the same role and not running a vehicle.

I also used an app to track my spending which helped me massively as I was tight with money using that!

You are 30; why buy a house in this climate?

First, you want a better job, but to get that better job, you need to get your degree. Not sure why it's taken you 9 years, but first priority, finish your degree. Move back home, and save, save, save. Get a strong down payment to build equity into your home.

So, finish degree, get a great job, and a lady will come.

Also, man plans; God laughs. Don't be so hard on yourself.

If you move that frequently why don't you buy a second hand airstream?

If you move that frequently why don't you buy a second hand airstream?

I've considered buying a motorhome or even a van to renovate but that will leave no funds for uni.

If I could afford to buy one of those then it's likely I could afford a deposit on a house anyway.

You are 30; why buy a house in this climate?

 

First, you want a better job, but to get that better job, you need to get your degree. Not sure why it's taken you 9 years, but first priority, finish your degree. Move back home, and save, save, save. Get a strong down payment to build equity into your home.

 

So, finish degree, get a great job, and a lady will come.

 

Also, man plans; God laughs. Don't be so hard on yourself.

In what climate? I have spent enough on rent since 18 to buy at least two houses. Why on earth anybody would want to pay somebody else's mortgage plus extra, when they could be paying their own is beyond me. If I had the credit rating and deposit I would have bought years ago.

Not necessarily a better job, the same job but better paid as I have neither the experience or qualifications to be taken seriously at a more senior level. There is no home to move back to. I go where the work is within reason. It's taken me 9 years so far because the student finance company messed up and cost me my degree when I was 3 months from completion so I now have to study my final year part time whilst working to pay for it. Problem is I can't afford it if things continue as they have been doing. Lots of things eating away at my savings so I now have none.

I don't think home ownership is for everyone including for financial reasons. And since you need to move around quite a bit I wouldn't consider that for now. I would focus on shorter term goals so you don't get overwhelmed and return to the longer range goals when you are feeling more confident/accomplished in the shorter term goals.

OP I hope you understand how home loans and amortization work.

You will lose money if you can't commit to staying in the house at least a few years.

I don't think home ownership is for everyone including for financial reasons. And since you need to move around quite a bit I wouldn't consider that for now. I would focus on shorter term goals so you don't get overwhelmed and return to the longer range goals when you are feeling more confident/accomplished in the shorter term goals.

The reason for moving is financial, it is usually cheaper and easier to rent closer than commute. If I sell my car and walk I will save a lot in a short space of time. If I was in my own place I would just commute as I wouldn't need to save every penny for a deposit. I tend to impulse buy random things when I'm stressed also. I think I worry more than is necessary as I've not really been in a financial mess for about 5 years. I just panic if I don't have a big sum of money in the bank. I guess I need to work on that?

I hope to contract in the longer term which will require me to stay away during the week but having a base would make me feel like I had roots and a place to be close to loved ones at the weekends. It's costing a lot more to rent than it does to buy 😡😭

Just make sure your financial analysis is correct.

With buying (at least in the US) there are property taxes, mortgage insurance if your down payment isn't high enough, interest, not to mention maintenance expenses, loan origination fees, inspectors, etc...

Plus you're locked down.

I would never buy if I didn't feel stable in a career *and* knew I wouldn't move for at least 3 years.

(The 3 years thing ties in to taxes too).

Personally, I would prioritize school then career then house.

OP I hope you understand how home loans and amortization work.

 

You will lose money if you can't commit to staying in the house at least a few years.

Yes I'm quite aware how mortgages work. I will be paying off the place whether I'm staying in it full time or not. When I'm contracting I will only be in it on weekends.

If I ever need to stay away full time I will rent it out to pay the mortgage. I've managed to pay my rent for the past 3 years and buying is far cheaper so I can't imagine I'll lose my money place. Even when I've been out of work for months I still had enough to cover bills and rent.

I think I'm worrying too much. I have 3 years to complete my degree. I will sit down and put some savings targets together. All this delay is extremely frustrating but I'm not dying. It's not as bad as I feel. Just anxiety.

Just make sure your financial analysis is correct.

 

With buying (at least in the US) there are property taxes, mortgage insurance if your down payment isn't high enough, interest, not to mention maintenance expenses, loan origination fees, inspectors, etc...

 

Plus you're locked down.

 

I would never buy if I didn't feel stable in a career *and* knew I wouldn't move for at least 3 years.

 

(The 3 years thing ties in to taxes too).

 

Personally, I would prioritize school then career then house.

In the U.K your deposit is your insurance. If your deposit isn't high enough you don't get the mortgage, end of discussion. Property taxes (stamp duty) only applies over a certain threshold, certainly out of my budget.

My ex just bought a new house before we broke up and he spent about £1500 in fees, some of which were relating to the sale of his house. The mortgage fees can be from next to nothing to nearly 1k but you take your pick (usually cheaper interest rates trick you into higher fee). This fee however can be added to your repayment so you don't have to pay it up front. You're not tied in, you can move when you like. I think if it's a fixed mortgage you just have to continue that and apply for an additional mortgage to cover the extra if you move to a more expensive house. Defeats the purpose for me though I'd be staying for a while.

Even if I were to move after a year the savings in rent would cover the losses in fees! Depending on the interest rate I would be offered my mortgage repayments could be between a third and two thirds of renting a room.

And career (at least contracting) will come after the house for me. I'm not buying a house whilst self employed as it will add 3 years and a hell of a lot of interest to my goal.