Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34

Thread: How many of you have had this happen?

  1. #1
    ahd15
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    85

    How many of you have had this happen?

    She broke up with me. Long story short, I was being a little too controlling while being unaware of it. She had a rough past and the way we met really didn't build trust between us.
    She wants to be friends and I don't. Don't get me wrong I miss her like crazy but I can't. She thinks KS I have a stalkerish vibe but I've never been like that and I would never be that way.
    Yesterday I told her we should stop talking. Her stuff is all packed up at my house and she will grab it eventually. I told her my house is always a safe place for her but we can't remain in contact. She said good bye and we havent talked since. I cleaned my house and got rid of most of the things reminding me of her except for some love notes she left me through the time we were together.
    My question is how many of you had an ex girlfriend who broke up with you reach out to you after you told her that you shouldn't talk?
    She's got prospects lined up from what she said and I think I'll only be a distant memory to her. I still love her but when she says I seem like a stalker that's where I shut everything off.

    Also should I block her on Facebook? Give her a better sense of freedom. Or just tough it out not to seem too hurt.

  2. #2
    LonelyJedi
    Silver Member LonelyJedi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Michigan
    Age
    24
    Posts
    466
    Gender
    Male
    If she broke up with you, give her the gift of missing you. Go NC and don't speak to her.
    Her telling you that she has "prospects" lined up is shallow...

    Believe me I know how you feel, I am still pining over my ex-fiance... who I have not seen or spoken to since March 29th.

    If she all of sudden has this "stalker" impression of you, then prove to her that you aren't one. Block her on FB, block her out of your life. It'll give you the benefit of moving on and healing and it'll prove her wrong in thinking you are a "stalker".

  3. #3
    lostandhurt
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    53
    Posts
    7,231
    Gender
    Male
    Yes many of us have had something similar happen.

    Many times these accusations are a ruse to contact you. If it is truly over in your mind and heart then block her, and go total NC and get on with your life.

    It sounds to me like she misses you and wants to stay in touch in hopes of getting back together. What do you want?

    Lost

  4. #4
    ahd15
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    85
    The stalkerish vibe I think stems from her past. She had a guy beat her up and then chase after her to the point where she had to stay at a shelter so he wouldnt find her. She had a son with him. Now they're friends again which is important for her son of course. I've met him a few times and he seems like he is a decent guy. Wouldn't have thought he did that to her unless she told me.
    She's been through a few abusive relationships. I really tried to get her away from that world of bad boys but in turn I controlled her. She was happy and I just didn't fully trust her and she didn't trust me completely either. Be it her past or how we met. Either way she's gone. I'm just curious how many people had a dumper reach out after a while.

  5. #5
    DancingFool
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    7,070
    Gender
    Female
    Sooo....she wants to stay friends with someone she thinks is a stalker???? Oookay....whatever rough past you say she has, she clearly has some issues.

    Your best bet here is unfortunately to stay far away from her. You are correct to pack up her things, ask her to pick them up and refuse to play friendzies with an ex. Very very sensible of you. Since she accused you of being a stalker, do go ahead and block her from everything and do not contact her again for any reason. In fact, maybe have a friend drop off her stuff to her so you do not have any further interactions with her. I know you still love her and care about her and can't shut that off like a switch, but I think in time you'll realize that you've dodged a bullet here.

  6. #6
    ahd15
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    85
    Quote Originally Posted by lostandhurt [Register to see the link]
    Yes many of us have had something similar happen.

    Many times these accusations are a ruse to contact you. If it is truly over in your mind and heart then block her, and go total NC and get on with your life.

    It sounds to me like she misses you and wants to stay in touch in hopes of getting back together. What do you want?

    Lost
    What makes you say she misses me? I felt like good bye and good luck was the grand finale.

    I would love to get a chance to do things differently now that I know what I needed to do but I'm pretty convinced she's gone.

  7. #7
    ahd15
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    85
    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    Sooo....she wants to stay friends with someone she thinks is a stalker???? Oookay....whatever rough past you say she has, she clearly has some issues.

    Your best bet here is unfortunately to stay far away from her. You are correct to pack up her things, ask her to pick them up and refuse to play friendzies with an ex. Very very sensible of you. Since she accused you of being a stalker, do go ahead and block her from everything and do not contact her again for any reason. In fact, maybe have a friend drop off her stuff to her so you do not have any further interactions with her. I know you still love her and care about her and can't shut that off like a switch, but I think in time you'll realize that you've dodged a bullet here.
    She packed up her things. I just put away all the little stuff that was still reminding me of her. It was her decision to move out. She was gonna do it eventually to stay closer to family and work but I didn't really expect to be broken up.
    Oddly enough her girls dad doesn't want her to move in like she originally planned because she won't get back together with him. Right now she's staying at some friends house from what she said.
    I'm sure she's got issues but everyone does to some extent. I see what you're saying though.

  8. #8
    Careerchoice
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    798
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by Andsyr13 [Register to see the link]
    What makes you say she misses me?
    There's nothing indicating that. I have no idea where that came from.

    Yes, block her on everything and concentrate everything you have on moving on. Assume she's not coming back, because that's what all the evidence points towards.

    And line up your own set of prospects. It'l help your healing.

  9. #9
    ahd15
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    85
    It's a shame. We were close but I think the trust issue she had which in turn caused mine, was fundamentally the cause of our stress.

  10. #10
    Anna Bell
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    129
    Quote Originally Posted by Andsyr13 [Register to see the link]
    I'm just curious how many people had a dumper reach out after a while.
    I was the one. I dumped him and went on NC for a month. Week 3 he texted me to change address. Since then I missed him more than ever. So after a full 30 days NC, I reached out to ask him how he was. Being a dumper hasn't made the healing easier. Being a dumper wouldn't change the fact that you couldn't trust her and yourself.

    I have to say you were controlling and you admitted that. What was your purpose of telling her to stop talking? Was that you genuinely wanted to break up with her? Or you just didn't like being accused of a stalker? Or was that a way of controlling?

  11.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
Why Doesn't He Get The Hint!!!????
I've posted a couple of times before but basically I am only doing contact with my ex about kids and bills, and we only communicate via text . I have
Dreams and Nightmares*
Most of you will be familiar with the horrible dreams and nightmares associated with a breakup. 3 months ago I separated from my wife. It was her
He hasn't told his family that he broke up with me
I am confused about this and looking for opinions on what this means. This is about the same relationship I've been posting about. He broke up
My Ex Husband still berates me
Hello, first off I am not sure why I am on a forum but.. I need an anonymous outlet I guess because my friends and family all say the same thing
Europe trip
Hey everyone I recently broke up with my ex. We are still very good friends and live in the same place just separate rooms. When we were still
Iím at a really bad state of mind right now
Itís been a little over the month since the breakup, since then, heís messaged me 2-3 times about random topics (that I donít care about), and has
Does this ever get any better?
Hi! I've been hesitating quite a lot whether I should make a thread about this.. So here it goes. My ex boyfriend of 3.5 years broke up with

Featured Threads
What eNotAlone gave you?
I wonder mostly about long-time members who decided to be a part of this community. Has this forum enriched your lives, and if so, in what
How to end things with him
Iíve been dating this guy for 2 months. In the beginning he was very sweet and romantic, however I learned in the last month or so that he is
My ex bf told me he wants sex, nudes and me to loan him money until he's stable... Should I lend $?
Hello.. I am 22 I met my ex bf (21) 3 years ago in college. He dropped out of college after the first semester.. he didn't go to finals. He stayed in
How Should I have handled it?
My GF and I were together for about 5 months. Things were great except for some of my questioning her online activity which challenged her. All
My Ex Husband still berates me
Hello, first off I am not sure why I am on a forum but.. I need an anonymous outlet I guess because my friends and family all say the same thing
Yall ready for a messed up one...
Okay, so i cheated on my bf about 6 month ms into our relationship with a guy 20 years older then me at our work. And it was a rule that it was only
Iím at a really bad state of mind right now
Itís been a little over the month since the breakup, since then, heís messaged me 2-3 times about random topics (that I donít care about), and has
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •