Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34

Thread: How many of you have had this happen?

  1. #1
    Andsyr13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    25
    Thanked
    1

    How many of you have had this happen?

    She broke up with me. Long story short, I was being a little too controlling while being unaware of it. She had a rough past and the way we met really didn't build trust between us.
    She wants to be friends and I don't. Don't get me wrong I miss her like crazy but I can't. She thinks KS I have a stalkerish vibe but I've never been like that and I would never be that way.
    Yesterday I told her we should stop talking. Her stuff is all packed up at my house and she will grab it eventually. I told her my house is always a safe place for her but we can't remain in contact. She said good bye and we havent talked since. I cleaned my house and got rid of most of the things reminding me of her except for some love notes she left me through the time we were together.
    My question is how many of you had an ex girlfriend who broke up with you reach out to you after you told her that you shouldn't talk?
    She's got prospects lined up from what she said and I think I'll only be a distant memory to her. I still love her but when she says I seem like a stalker that's where I shut everything off.

    Also should I block her on Facebook? Give her a better sense of freedom. Or just tough it out not to seem too hurt.

  2. #2
    LonelyJedi
    Silver Member LonelyJedi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Michigan
    Age
    24
    Posts
    449
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    71
    If she broke up with you, give her the gift of missing you. Go NC and don't speak to her.
    Her telling you that she has "prospects" lined up is shallow...

    Believe me I know how you feel, I am still pining over my ex-fiance... who I have not seen or spoken to since March 29th.

    If she all of sudden has this "stalker" impression of you, then prove to her that you aren't one. Block her on FB, block her out of your life. It'll give you the benefit of moving on and healing and it'll prove her wrong in thinking you are a "stalker".

  3. Thanks lostandhurt, Andsyr13 thanked for this post
  4. #3
    lostandhurt
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    53
    Posts
    7,002
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2644
    Yes many of us have had something similar happen.

    Many times these accusations are a ruse to contact you. If it is truly over in your mind and heart then block her, and go total NC and get on with your life.

    It sounds to me like she misses you and wants to stay in touch in hopes of getting back together. What do you want?

    Lost

  5. #4
    Andsyr13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    25
    Thanked
    1
    The stalkerish vibe I think stems from her past. She had a guy beat her up and then chase after her to the point where she had to stay at a shelter so he wouldnt find her. She had a son with him. Now they're friends again which is important for her son of course. I've met him a few times and he seems like he is a decent guy. Wouldn't have thought he did that to her unless she told me.
    She's been through a few abusive relationships. I really tried to get her away from that world of bad boys but in turn I controlled her. She was happy and I just didn't fully trust her and she didn't trust me completely either. Be it her past or how we met. Either way she's gone. I'm just curious how many people had a dumper reach out after a while.

  6. #5
    DancingFool
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    6,175
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    4903
    Sooo....she wants to stay friends with someone she thinks is a stalker???? Oookay....whatever rough past you say she has, she clearly has some issues.

    Your best bet here is unfortunately to stay far away from her. You are correct to pack up her things, ask her to pick them up and refuse to play friendzies with an ex. Very very sensible of you. Since she accused you of being a stalker, do go ahead and block her from everything and do not contact her again for any reason. In fact, maybe have a friend drop off her stuff to her so you do not have any further interactions with her. I know you still love her and care about her and can't shut that off like a switch, but I think in time you'll realize that you've dodged a bullet here.

  7. #6
    Andsyr13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    25
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by lostandhurt [Register to see the link]
    Yes many of us have had something similar happen.

    Many times these accusations are a ruse to contact you. If it is truly over in your mind and heart then block her, and go total NC and get on with your life.

    It sounds to me like she misses you and wants to stay in touch in hopes of getting back together. What do you want?

    Lost
    What makes you say she misses me? I felt like good bye and good luck was the grand finale.

    I would love to get a chance to do things differently now that I know what I needed to do but I'm pretty convinced she's gone.

  8. #7
    Andsyr13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    25
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    Sooo....she wants to stay friends with someone she thinks is a stalker???? Oookay....whatever rough past you say she has, she clearly has some issues.

    Your best bet here is unfortunately to stay far away from her. You are correct to pack up her things, ask her to pick them up and refuse to play friendzies with an ex. Very very sensible of you. Since she accused you of being a stalker, do go ahead and block her from everything and do not contact her again for any reason. In fact, maybe have a friend drop off her stuff to her so you do not have any further interactions with her. I know you still love her and care about her and can't shut that off like a switch, but I think in time you'll realize that you've dodged a bullet here.
    She packed up her things. I just put away all the little stuff that was still reminding me of her. It was her decision to move out. She was gonna do it eventually to stay closer to family and work but I didn't really expect to be broken up.
    Oddly enough her girls dad doesn't want her to move in like she originally planned because she won't get back together with him. Right now she's staying at some friends house from what she said.
    I'm sure she's got issues but everyone does to some extent. I see what you're saying though.

  9. #8
    Careerchoice
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    581
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    235
    Quote Originally Posted by Andsyr13 [Register to see the link]
    What makes you say she misses me?
    There's nothing indicating that. I have no idea where that came from.

    Yes, block her on everything and concentrate everything you have on moving on. Assume she's not coming back, because that's what all the evidence points towards.

    And line up your own set of prospects. It'l help your healing.

  10. #9
    Andsyr13
    Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Posts
    25
    Thanked
    1
    It's a shame. We were close but I think the trust issue she had which in turn caused mine, was fundamentally the cause of our stress.

  11. Thanks Anna Bell thanked for this post
  12. #10
    Anna Bell
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    May 2017
    Posts
    129
    Thanked
    57
    Quote Originally Posted by Andsyr13 [Register to see the link]
    I'm just curious how many people had a dumper reach out after a while.
    I was the one. I dumped him and went on NC for a month. Week 3 he texted me to change address. Since then I missed him more than ever. So after a full 30 days NC, I reached out to ask him how he was. Being a dumper hasn't made the healing easier. Being a dumper wouldn't change the fact that you couldn't trust her and yourself.

    I have to say you were controlling and you admitted that. What was your purpose of telling her to stop talking? Was that you genuinely wanted to break up with her? Or you just didn't like being accused of a stalker? Or was that a way of controlling?

  13. Thanks Andsyr13 thanked for this post
  14.  

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Top Threads
Lots of sex with different partners during healing after break-up. Normal?
Hello guys, Just to make it short I ended a situationship where I was in a relationship, then got friendzoned and heart broken(this was about 2
52 male Heartbroken and lost
My girlfriend of 17 years broke up with me, we had just purchased a lovely home after years of renting. The house sold and I quit my job because of
Feeling lost after blending families
Disclaimer - my apologies if this is the wrong place to put this, but it seemed like the most sensible location that I could find. I recently
Why does this bother me so much?
Hey guys. So gf of 7 years has left me for another guy again long story short and some of you know the long. So I did the unhealthy habit of looking
Confusing response from ex
Hi you all, I've shared my story here on enotalone before. Basically i was in a relationship which ended a couple of months back. The reason was that
Really craving closure but would have to break NC
Hello all,I was dumped about 2 months ago. Post break up I was in such a frantic state. I was also withdrawing from heavy marijuana use. Reflecting
Heartbreak
I was in a three year relationship with my ex boyfriend. We had been really good friends since 1999. We found each other via social media in 2011

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Where do you draw the line? GF's and guy friends
[SIZE=3][FONT=Helvetica]Hey guys, need some quick help on this one. Please help [/FONT] [FONT=Helvetica] [/FONT] [FONT=Helvetica]Yesterday my GF says
OMG he has a wedding date.
All, A couple of years ago, I dated a guy. There were things that were amazing but also horrible. A little over a year ago, we reconnected. He
HELPPP!!! Boyfriend broke up with me out of the blue
hi. REALLY REALLY NEED SOME ADVICE AND HELP. my boyfriend recently broke up with me out of the blue and we were dating for 2.5 years. everything was
Why does this bother me so much?
Hey guys. So gf of 7 years has left me for another guy again long story short and some of you know the long. So I did the unhealthy habit of looking
My girlfriend of 3 years just told me she is polyamorous
I have no idea how to feel about it. She assured me she didn't want to force it on me and could live monogamously with me but the thought of
Dealing with inconsiderate, selfish people from dawn till dusk.
Not sure if this is posted in the right place, but here it is. Lately my life seems to be about dealing with people who are inconsiderate. From
Toxic relationship // venting
Sometimes writing everything out helps me get a better understanding of certain situations. I'm sorry for the long post, I do want some advice, but
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •