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Thread: How many of you have had this happen?

  1. #1
    ahd15
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    How many of you have had this happen?

    She broke up with me. Long story short, I was being a little too controlling while being unaware of it. She had a rough past and the way we met really didn't build trust between us.
    She wants to be friends and I don't. Don't get me wrong I miss her like crazy but I can't. She thinks KS I have a stalkerish vibe but I've never been like that and I would never be that way.
    Yesterday I told her we should stop talking. Her stuff is all packed up at my house and she will grab it eventually. I told her my house is always a safe place for her but we can't remain in contact. She said good bye and we havent talked since. I cleaned my house and got rid of most of the things reminding me of her except for some love notes she left me through the time we were together.
    My question is how many of you had an ex girlfriend who broke up with you reach out to you after you told her that you shouldn't talk?
    She's got prospects lined up from what she said and I think I'll only be a distant memory to her. I still love her but when she says I seem like a stalker that's where I shut everything off.

    Also should I block her on Facebook? Give her a better sense of freedom. Or just tough it out not to seem too hurt.

  2. #2
    LonelyJedi
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    If she broke up with you, give her the gift of missing you. Go NC and don't speak to her.
    Her telling you that she has "prospects" lined up is shallow...

    Believe me I know how you feel, I am still pining over my ex-fiance... who I have not seen or spoken to since March 29th.

    If she all of sudden has this "stalker" impression of you, then prove to her that you aren't one. Block her on FB, block her out of your life. It'll give you the benefit of moving on and healing and it'll prove her wrong in thinking you are a "stalker".

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  4. #3
    lostandhurt
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    Yes many of us have had something similar happen.

    Many times these accusations are a ruse to contact you. If it is truly over in your mind and heart then block her, and go total NC and get on with your life.

    It sounds to me like she misses you and wants to stay in touch in hopes of getting back together. What do you want?

    Lost

  5. #4
    ahd15
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    The stalkerish vibe I think stems from her past. She had a guy beat her up and then chase after her to the point where she had to stay at a shelter so he wouldnt find her. She had a son with him. Now they're friends again which is important for her son of course. I've met him a few times and he seems like he is a decent guy. Wouldn't have thought he did that to her unless she told me.
    She's been through a few abusive relationships. I really tried to get her away from that world of bad boys but in turn I controlled her. She was happy and I just didn't fully trust her and she didn't trust me completely either. Be it her past or how we met. Either way she's gone. I'm just curious how many people had a dumper reach out after a while.

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    DancingFool
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    Sooo....she wants to stay friends with someone she thinks is a stalker???? Oookay....whatever rough past you say she has, she clearly has some issues.

    Your best bet here is unfortunately to stay far away from her. You are correct to pack up her things, ask her to pick them up and refuse to play friendzies with an ex. Very very sensible of you. Since she accused you of being a stalker, do go ahead and block her from everything and do not contact her again for any reason. In fact, maybe have a friend drop off her stuff to her so you do not have any further interactions with her. I know you still love her and care about her and can't shut that off like a switch, but I think in time you'll realize that you've dodged a bullet here.

  7. #6
    ahd15
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    Quote Originally Posted by lostandhurt [Register to see the link]
    Yes many of us have had something similar happen.

    Many times these accusations are a ruse to contact you. If it is truly over in your mind and heart then block her, and go total NC and get on with your life.

    It sounds to me like she misses you and wants to stay in touch in hopes of getting back together. What do you want?

    Lost
    What makes you say she misses me? I felt like good bye and good luck was the grand finale.

    I would love to get a chance to do things differently now that I know what I needed to do but I'm pretty convinced she's gone.

  8. #7
    ahd15
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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingFool [Register to see the link]
    Sooo....she wants to stay friends with someone she thinks is a stalker???? Oookay....whatever rough past you say she has, she clearly has some issues.

    Your best bet here is unfortunately to stay far away from her. You are correct to pack up her things, ask her to pick them up and refuse to play friendzies with an ex. Very very sensible of you. Since she accused you of being a stalker, do go ahead and block her from everything and do not contact her again for any reason. In fact, maybe have a friend drop off her stuff to her so you do not have any further interactions with her. I know you still love her and care about her and can't shut that off like a switch, but I think in time you'll realize that you've dodged a bullet here.
    She packed up her things. I just put away all the little stuff that was still reminding me of her. It was her decision to move out. She was gonna do it eventually to stay closer to family and work but I didn't really expect to be broken up.
    Oddly enough her girls dad doesn't want her to move in like she originally planned because she won't get back together with him. Right now she's staying at some friends house from what she said.
    I'm sure she's got issues but everyone does to some extent. I see what you're saying though.

  9. #8
    Careerchoice
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andsyr13 [Register to see the link]
    What makes you say she misses me?
    There's nothing indicating that. I have no idea where that came from.

    Yes, block her on everything and concentrate everything you have on moving on. Assume she's not coming back, because that's what all the evidence points towards.

    And line up your own set of prospects. It'l help your healing.

  10. #9
    ahd15
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    It's a shame. We were close but I think the trust issue she had which in turn caused mine, was fundamentally the cause of our stress.

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  12. #10
    Anna Bell
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    Quote Originally Posted by Andsyr13 [Register to see the link]
    I'm just curious how many people had a dumper reach out after a while.
    I was the one. I dumped him and went on NC for a month. Week 3 he texted me to change address. Since then I missed him more than ever. So after a full 30 days NC, I reached out to ask him how he was. Being a dumper hasn't made the healing easier. Being a dumper wouldn't change the fact that you couldn't trust her and yourself.

    I have to say you were controlling and you admitted that. What was your purpose of telling her to stop talking? Was that you genuinely wanted to break up with her? Or you just didn't like being accused of a stalker? Or was that a way of controlling?

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