I don't think my dad cares for me

I still live with my parents, the two of them are very loving but my dad doesn't appreciate anything i do. My mum was 20 when she had me, i was unplanned but my parents stayed together, they're married now and have another child as well. Although the older i get, i have more of a feeling that my dad doesn't care for me. For example, now that its summer i wake up every morning earlier to clean up, hoover, mop the floors etc. While my dad goes shopping and my mums at work which usually takes up about an hour. I do the same in the afternoon before going to sleep, i clean up the bathroom twice a week which usually takes about an hour and a half, generally i just do a lot for them and put their needs before mines (id always make sure the whole house is tidy before i make plans with my friends) anyway, this morning my dad woke me up at 10 and told me he's going shopping and to clean up. But i had a very rough night cause i couldn't sleep and kept waking up, so i fell asleep by accident when he left, when he came up 45 minutes later he started roaring asking where I am and when i got up and apologised for falling asleep he started roaring saying how i never do anything for this house, and how next time i want something from him he'll just be the same back and to never ask him for anything again. Of course i was really upset, cause i do everything always and that one time i don't he doesn't notice the good i do. He kept being rude so i just went to my room and cried.

Apart from that, any small thing can trigger him to be like this towards me but he's never like that with my brother (he's younger, but still my dads very loving towards him)

The other day we had a falling out and he started roaring saying how when he's old he just wants me to put him in a home cause he doesn't want no help from me etc. Since i dont help now. He's 39.

Anyway, sometimes he jokes about how im only a guest in the house etc. And even though we all laugh about it, when we argue it really gets to my heart cause then i feel like i don't belong anymore to the house.

I can't speak to him about it either cause he just turns it against me and it turns into a lecture about all the wrong things i do

There's a lot of things like that, mainly im just upset. After arguments like this, i feel so alone

Regardless of all this, my parents are very loving, they push me to do best in school, they were never violent towards me, my mum tells me she loves me every night. Its just the situation with my dad that has been goimg on for the past 3 or so years i don't know what to do

Sara. It not acceptable to have someone yelling at you like this. "Roaring" is for driving mules or herding cattle.

A question? Your Dad doesn't have a job? Reason?

Sara. It not acceptable to have someone yelling at you like this. "Roaring" is for driving mules or herding cattle.

 

A question? Your Dad doesn't have a job? Reason?

Sometimes when he gets past my breaking point i shout back and try to defend myself but he just gets more angry and roars more saying how i can't roar at him like this and how i don't have respect for him etc.

He has a job yes, but he works afternoon shifts.

Thanks for your reply!

What has your mother got to say about this situation?

If he cannot relate to you except by shouting and yelling there is something wrong with him.

What has your mother got to say about this situation?

 

If he cannot relate to you except by shouting and yelling there is something wrong with him.

My mum literally walked in the door from work and i was in my room, the first time he did was tell her what happened and point out all the wrongs i did before i even got the chance to say hello to her. He does that always, my mum tries to understand both sides of the story and first tells my dad off for overreacting and then comes to me saying i need to be more calm.

After this my dad tries to apologise and hugs me and says sorry, but then days later it happens all over again thank you so much for your help!

what was going three years ago?

is he in treatment for something?

you're not the cause of this. he has a problem.

i agree with mum to not respond with the same affect he displays. your feelings are understandable, he's just not a person who will "hear" them.

Can you speak to your mother about this? Tell her how you feel. Maybe she can be better at getting through to him. Luckily you can choose your friends, because unfortunately, family can be highly flawed and stressful. What would I do? Perhaps if I had a grandma or aunt in the area, I'd ask if I could stay with her for the summer. With the explanation that you feel like a guest in the house, etc. and how you're upset about your treatment, that would send a strong message that you're very unhappy. If your mother can't get through to him, maybe you can share this with another trusted relative. You can ask your mother if she family counseling is offered through her work benefits.

If they joke again about you being a guest, don't laugh. Say: There's truth in humor. Can you tell me why you think this, because it's strange how I'm your daughter and don't feel very welcome here. Perhaps spend more time studying at the library or hanging out with friends, and spend less time at home. Realize you're a wonderful person and there's something mentally off with your father. Maybe he came from a highly dysfunctional family, but your mother turning a blind eye to this is also not right. I hope things improve. If they don't, keep your focus on doing well in school so that you can have a good career and move out as soon as possible. Take care.

what was going three years ago?

 

is he in treatment for something?

 

you're not the cause of this. he has a problem.

 

i agree with mum to not respond with the same affect he displays. your feelings are understandable, he's just not a person who will "hear" them.

3 years ago i just started noticing the change in his behaviour towards me, it was when i started being more grown up and going out and trying new things and that's when his negativity towards me Started.

Thank you, my mum is completely on my side today

i think andrina's suggestion to sit down and explain how this makes you feel is very good, i would especially seize today's opportunity to explain it to mum. you should not feel unwelcome in your own family.

we're here for you.

However, Sara, your social life is not so bad, and you are able to get away from the house quite a bit as you remarked a few weeks ago.

"We have a very good social life, we go out to dinner, were actually going out clubbing with our friends tomorrow, we go to the gym 3 times a week together, we go on adventures and explore things, we just came back from a festival and were planning a holiday together this summer. we actually get out of the house a lot for people our age who don't always have access to as much money and transport. but once or twice a week we just have a lazy day where we catch up on our shows together "

Can you speak to your mother about this? Tell her how you feel. Maybe she can be better at getting through to him. Luckily you can choose your friends, because unfortunately, family can be highly flawed and stressful. What would I do? Perhaps if I had a grandma or aunt in the area, I'd ask if I could stay with her for the summer. With the explanation that you feel like a guest in the house, etc. and how you're upset about your treatment, that would send a strong message that you're very unhappy. If your mother can't get through to him, maybe you can share this with another trusted relative. You can ask your mother if she family counseling is offered through her work benefits.

 

If they joke again about you being a guest, don't laugh. Say: There's truth in humor. Can you tell me why you think this, because it's strange how I'm your daughter and don't feel very welcome here. Perhaps spend more time studying at the library or hanging out with friends, and spend less time at home. Realize you're a wonderful person and there's something mentally off with your father. Maybe he came from a highly dysfunctional family, but your mother turning a blind eye to this is also not right. I hope things improve. If they don't, keep your focus on doing well in school so that you can have a good career and move out as soon as possible. Take care.

The main reason i don't want to speak to my mum a bout this openly is because i know itd start a big fight between her and my dad, and i don't want that because my dad can be very careless in such situations and i love my mum very much and i don't want her feelings hurt also

Id love to move away for the summer, but not only do i live too far away from my family (completely different country, we moved away when i was little but we go to visit once a year) plus, i wouldn't want to leave my mother like this, she hasn't done anything wrong and she works crazy hours, she needs my help and she actually appreciates it.

Thank you so much for this reply, it really opened my eyes a lot!

Ill try to speak to my mum !

However, Sara, your social life is not so bad, and you are able to get away from the house quite a bit as you remarked a few weeks ago.

 

"We have a very good social life, we go out to dinner, were actually going out clubbing with our friends tomorrow, we go to the gym 3 times a week together, we go on adventures and explore things, we just came back from a festival and were planning a holiday together this summer. we actually get out of the house a lot for people our age who don't always have access to as much money and transport. but once or twice a week we just have a lazy day where we catch up on our shows together "

Yes i agree, i do get out of the house a lot and spend as much time as possible at my boyfriends house as im always welcome there. Although that's after the whole episode of me cleaning the house and argumemts and stuff like that, i cant normally leave until that's done unless its urgent.