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What to do when you havent seen your ex-husband and children are involved?


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My ex mother in law just asked me to call my ex husband. It's almost been 5 years since he walked out of our son's life. We have not seen him once and I have had to ask for help through Facebook because I have no other way of reaching him. I was completely blind sided when he fessed up to his lying about work. Then I was flabbergasted when my mother in law told me that he was with someone else. I have known him since I was 14 and he was my first bf. If I call him and we try to have a meeting for closure what do I say? I am a big baby and a hot head. I don't want him to have any power over me. So what are questions to ask and tips to stay calm.

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I agree that there's nothing to be said and no closure will make a difference on the fact that he left you and your child and hasn't even bother to contact. If he wanted to contact you explained he'd already have during these 5 years. Let him be, you deserve better than this man (if I can call him one) and you don't need him. Be close to the ones who care about you and your son. You deserve better than this selfish person. You say you're a big baby, but a person who abandons a child just to live his life carefree is the big baby here... well, not even a baby, because this person seems to lack any ounce of empathy.

 

But I'd also like to know why your mother in law wants you to contact him after 5 years of his silence. Is she in contact with him?

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Call ex-MIL back, tell her he is welcome to contact you if he wants to make contact, but that you will not be calling him. Period. If he wants to connect with you or his child, it's *entirely* his move to make.

 

Otherwise, this is a man whose mother is covering or compensating for his weakness or shortcomings. If you wonder how he could do anything and get away with it? That's how. And not from an evil or meddling place either, but from wanting things to be ok.

 

Don't clean things up for him/them; don't get involved. Whatever that is, it's between this guy and his mom.

 

Understand that with this as his history, it's likely to be touch and go. For that reason, don't involve your child until you know what's really going on here. And good luck: it sounds like an interesting situation that you may have been anticipating for a long time.

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I agree with the others. I don't think you should contact him.

 

It's really hard when a parent disappears on a child. It's even harder, IMO, when a parent comes and goes from a child's life at will with no regard for the child's feelings (gone for a year, back for 3 visits, gone for 6 months again, etc).

 

I guess what I am saying is be thankful for small things? Right now it should be clear to your child he's just a deadbeat. If the father comes and goes (which could start to happen if you contact him), you child will start to wonder what is wrong with him/her that he doesn't want to be around more.

 

That's just my observations/opinion.

 

Where I live, if you do not see your child for 7 years, it's abandonment (legally). He loses rights after that to see the child (and potentially mess them up).

 

I would be more prone to call a lawyer at this stage than I would be to call your ex.

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You are divorced right???

 

So i would tell MIL that if she wants to talk to her son, she should call him --- that you don't have his number and have no reason to call him.

 

Is your ex MIL in the child's life? Then make it clear that she is in the child's life but NOT involved with trying to get the two of you together or to get you to reconcile.

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Call ex-MIL back, tell her he is welcome to contact you if he wants to make contact, but that you will not be calling him. Period. If he wants to connect with you or his child, it's *entirely* his move to make.

 

/QUOTE]

no no no ----she should not accept contact with him, The only contact she should except is specifically about the child (ie, if he decides to send child support or other help). Do not open yourself up to an open line with him. ATTORNEYS should handle any needs the child has = or a mediator. Do not seek "closure" --- you have your closure. Do not let him weasal into demonstrating and creating a trail of communication that he is in his child's life because he could be doing it as a ploy to cut child support or get mom off his back

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