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Thread: We had an argument and I am afraid I wont hear from him again

  1. #1
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    We had an argument and I am afraid I wont hear from him again

    Dear All,
    I am so gutted. Me and my boyfriend had a great weekend. He invited me to the event where I met lots of his work colleagues for the first time. He introduced me to everybody. It was lovely and I thought we are slowly progressing.
    Then the next day, after equally lovely morning, he was picking on me, that I am doing this wrong and that wrong. I could tell that I annoyed him. We went shopping and he didn't like me suggesting items. He said he is used to doing shopping on his own and is capable of choices.
    At the end I asked him if there is anything that he actually likes about me. He said that if he sees and likes to say something he will say it, he is 45 and wont change for nobody. He also added that didn't like how I was talking about his friend`s wife which was his wrong perception anyway. After being criticized all day,this was a last straw and I was a bit angry at that point. He didn't like that. We were both angry and he asked me to pack my overnight bag and that he wants to take me home.
    for 30 min in a car -on the way to my home -we didn't say a word.
    I was gutted.
    He is a wonderful man and does so many lovely things for me. He cooks, he picks me and drops me, he invites for dinners and cinema. However, occasionally he will be lecturing me (38) about stuff. That day it was slightly too much.
    The next day I didn't hear from him. Today, I sent him apology text -apology for my part, for overreacting as I was overwhelmed ...I had a feeling that I do everything the wrong way. I also said I don't want argue with him, especially over such a minor things and that we can do better than that.
    He saw the message on a messenger and normally he responds fairly quickly ....this time he keeps quiet. Is he keeping me in suspense on purpose?
    I am not sure what to think...is this over? How much time one needs after such a minor thing to get over it?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Kara.

    Stop demeaning yourself! This wasn't an argument, it was this:

    "he was picking on me, that I am doing this wrong and that wrong. I could tell that I annoyed him. We went shopping and he didn't like me suggesting items. He said he is used to doing shopping on his own and is capable of choices.
    At the end I asked him if there is anything that he actually likes about me. He said that if he sees and likes to say something he will say it, he is 45 and wont change for nobody.

    No he is not a wonderful man. He is or seems to be when things are on his terms and his alone.

    And then your punishment, the silent treatment. Ugh.

    You can do better than this Kara.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    What kind of things was he picking at you for doing wrong? And what were you saying about his friend's wife? How long have you been together? Is this the first time there have been so many grievances at once?

    he is 45 and wont change for nobody.
    I don't get it. What does that have to do with your question of whether there's anything he likes about you? Did he say this in response to something else or does he just blurt out vindictive one liners for kicks?

  4. #4
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    This doesn't look good, OP. How long have you been dating?

    He got his back up awfully quickly. Where did he get the impression you were trying to change him? What was he picking on you for throughout the day?

    I can understand needing time to cool down after an argument, but packing you up and driving you home and then ignoring you after you apologize - this seems a bit much. I would not reach out to him again.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    "We went shopping and he didn't like me suggesting items."

    For pete's sakes!!!! "How about some of those nice oranges, and maybe a few plums". Or whatever, depending on the shop.

    It's like a child toddling along behind him. He'll tell you when you are "being good" and when you are not.

    He is making YOU feel you are doing everything wrong. What does that suggest to you, or anyone, what kind of person he is.

  7. #6
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    Thank you all for your responses and keep me sane. I know him for over 5 years...we dated briefly when we met, but then had a little misunderstanding and both were too stubborn to make it better. Then one day he got in touch and we met to catch up and ended being friends -only- who do little catch ups for birthdays etc he saw me on dating website about 4 months ago and suggested a real date...and we took it from there....it was really good although I knew he doesn't have an easy character. So do I.

    He was telling me how to put certain items in his place like body lotion or soap. I thought he run out of toothpaste and in the shop I grabbed one -he went serious and he said he did not run out and there a few spare in the cupboard.

    He was doing shopping for his work and I was suggested some items on offer 3 for 2 etc he didn't like that much.... I only told him about the friend`s wife that we chatted on that event and she said some gossips someone wrote about her on fb. He told me not to get involved in gossip and not judge people based on some gossip.
    I know this sounds pretty awful but he is the kindest person. He just sometimes gets in this moods and snaps at me over little things.
    I was accepting this as his other traits are far better than this one thing....he is reliable and helpful and thoughtful...we have best fun ever together and very lovely intimate time.

    For him to take me to this event, was a big step....so I thought
    I know he didn't like I sort of went angry and raised my voice....normally I reason with him but this time I had a bit enough of this lecturing...

    I would love us to continue but what else can I do ? He didn't have long relationship for long time and is very set in his ways .....I called him mr mean a few times when he picked on me and that is why during fight he said he wont be changing for anyone...although I never said a word that he should ...and I said that to him..he did repeat- I wont change for anyone whether you asked me to or not....

    I do love him for long time ....was so happy that we are trying here but am worried that he will tell me again ( like few years ago) that he is not ready for relationship ....if not now -when ?????

  8. #7
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    You don't say how long you've been dating for, but my guess is that the honeymoon period's over and you're just starting to see the real him. This can be a bit of a shock with some people, especially if they were particularly nice to begin with. It's also very puzzling for you.

    With a bit of luck, he won't reach out to you and you'll come to realise you've dodged a bullet. Guys (or women!) who react like this when they feel that everything isn't quite going their way are not relationship material - at best - and are very emotionally abusive at worst.

    Whatever you do, don't contact him again.

  9. #8
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    This guy is attempting to condition you to accept a long, unpleasant and controlling relationship. He acts like a d*ck, then you apologize to him. See how that works?

  10. #9
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    We started to date in April although we tried once about 5 years ago. We also had a an argument back then after a couple of dates and we were both too stubborn to make it better. We then with time became friends who catch up for birthdays twice a year. In April he saw me on dating website and asked me for a real date again. We deleted accounts and decided to give it a go. I like spending time with him, we laugh a lot but he does have a tough character ...hence he didn't have a long relationship for long time. He is very set in his ways. However, one can say about me the same as I didn't have anyone for few years.
    His good traits overcome the bad - at least for me - for Now. I apologised ...i can't do more than that. I am gutted as hell....cant believe he will give up after a first disagreement.
    Last edited by KARA20; 07-10-2017 at 03:28 PM. Reason: Errors

  11. #10
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    Thank you all for all your responses...this feels so much better ...i really appreciate each and every word....

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