Is everywhere like this? Or am I just a complete idiot?

TD;LR I went out on the weekend with my SO and I got very drunk. I was initially happy but didn't judge the situation well in the pub and had people be rude. I reacted by exploding in anger; by far exceeding what would be considered an acceptable reaction.

We live atm in a small rural town (I'm leaving in Sept) and despite trying hard with the people around here our age (20s-30s), I don't feel like I get much back...everyone's out for a good time, not genuine friendship; we don't often get invited to things (but apparently no one does, everyone just turns up)...everything centers around drugs, drinking and pulling, or sleeping with people you're probably not meant to (my married manager with a young baby constantly cheats on his wife for example, blatantly).

I really struggle with the social politics of this town, but I can't accept that it's everyone else who has a problem rather than me. My SO says I'm like a happy puppy; at 22, he says when I'm both sober and drunk that I just want to be happy and have fun with everyone and think everyone is as energetic as I am. He says sometimes it's great because I make sure everyone is included and when everyone is in the mood, I'm the life and soul. He says, however, I don't read situations well and sometimes I can get too in people's faces and rub people the wrong way, because I'm loud, boisterous and opinionated. TBH I sound like a proper pain in the a**, but my intentions aren't bad; I get anxious around people, and I try to compensate.

The person I exploded at was someone I really liked; he and I used to get on well. We'll call him P. His girlfriend, called D, doesn't like me because I wasn't interested romantically in her brother, who used to be a manager of mine, and I made it clear by starting a relationship with my boyfriend. Her brother was apparently peeved about this, but never said anything to my face, and neither did D. Both just were very cold; D used to tell me my clothes were rubbish, etc...P and I normally get on well; I wonder if it's because sometimes P can get a bit flirty when drunk, or I can, and without meaning to it might have hurt her feelings. Point being this night, P wasn't friendly. This was very out of character. I went to stand by him at the bar to order a drink and he told me to move because I was in the way, so I did and left him alone. He then went on to poke me and wave his hand in my face, asking me what my problem was. I asked him to stop, and then this carried on, and then I snapped. I'm genuinely upset with myself that I exploded; I shouted in his face and called him names.

I can't tell if I really just don't get how things work, how do I alter my attitude, also? Or is this cross-section of society is truly bizarre and the people we're hanging out with (some have major issues, are usually in their twenties and thirties and don't have a lot of aspirations except getting hammered or high...others are nice, like P, who are settled down with kids and just move in similar circles)...it scared me how badly I lost my temper. I think it had just been building up for months and I didn't expect it; every time I go there I wonder who secretly hates me now, or realise the stuff I've seen to do with these people and it makes things awkward (I once, in my naivete, literally dragged a girl off my married-with-baby-friend, without realising he does this every weekend).

I'm quite an anxious, introspective person so I just wanted an opinion...Do I need a reality check? Has anyone got advice for me to tone it down? Is everywhere like this or does this seem a bit extreme to you guys? When I go away to uni, I want to make the best impression, and I'm terrified I'm missing basic human interaction code 101. I have therapy; I don't ever really have angry outbursts like this one. I'm so embarrassed and upset.

although i believe everywhere is as we are...to an extent....i also swear there are places so backwards i'd never set foot there again. don't try to forcefully turn this septic hole into a friendly place. i understand living surrounded by such negativity you probably feel like you're missing out on normal interaction, but it's not like you can wave a glittery fairy wand of friendliness over them and change this community. you end up even more marginalized.

drunken, high, immoral people....sorry, but your best bet is to stay away from them, and especially not drink around them.

stick it out just a little longer, uni is coming soon. there will be a variety of types there too though. i moved to uni from a very backwards town like yours, and had...high expectations, social ones. i was more than a little bummed at first upon discovering many people keep to themselves, the social ones are always partying neglecting their studies etc. but after a few months, i did find a few neat people, places and activities to join, and the rest of the time i just kept busy with work and studies.

so you will have something to occupy yourself with, don't latch onto just something or someone out of this starvation for positive social interaction. finding a study-group helps a lot, you get to socialize with clean people, and your grades don't drop.

as for the anger, if you felt intimidated and attacked, coupled with booze, i can see how you would react like you did. if you keep the negative stuff out of your aura and make sure you have your faculties about you in a negative environment, you should be fine.

hey....did he back off when you screamed?

i'm small. it has happened when i was younger that fishy looking people would walk over to me and bother me for no friggin reason. i was furious too, mostly because of how brave and menacing people are when they assume you are as frail and defenseless as you look. sometimes i would get in their face in turn, hungry for blood. it's funny how often they backed away from a pocket sized girl.

don't do as i did of course, i'd advise against being confrontational ever, especially with aggressive people, and especially drunk, but i do sympathize with the surge of "i will rip your ballz off" when harassed.

I got very drunk. I was initially happy but didn't judge the situation well in the pub and had people be rude. I reacted by exploding in anger; by far exceeding what would be considered an acceptable reaction.

 

sometimes I can get too in people's faces and rub people the wrong way, because I'm loud, boisterous and opinionated. TBH I sound like a proper pain in the a**, but my intentions aren't bad; I get anxious around people, and I try to compensate.

 

 

I wonder if it's because sometimes P can get a bit flirty when drunk, or I can, and without meaning to it might have hurt her feelings.

 

I can't tell if I really just don't get how things work, how do I alter my attitude, also? Has anyone got advice for me to tone it down?

The truth is probably somewhere in the middle i.e. it does sound that this is a lousy town but it also sounds like you sometimes get involved in situations where you don't belong. You cannot control or change other people therefore my advice is on what I perceive is YOUR part to the problem:

1. Stop getting "very drunk".

2. Keep your opinions about how other people should be behaving to yourself instead of getting "loud, boisterous and opinionated". Avoid people you don't agree with instead.

3. Do not flirt with men who you know have a girlfriend. If alcohol makes you flirty with attached people then that's another reason not to get drunk.

4. Reflect/work on your self-esteem. You ARE good enough. No need to compensate.

hey....did he back off when you screamed?.

No, laughed in my face. Which is fair. It was just the malice in his interaction really hurt. I lost it, not because of harassment, but because he's meant to be a mate

The truth is probably somewhere in the middle i.e. it does sound that this is a lousy town but it also sounds like you sometimes get involved in situations where you don't belong. You cannot control or change other people therefore my advice is on what I perceive is YOUR part to the problem:

 

1. Stop getting "very drunk".

2. Keep your opinions about how other people should be behaving to yourself instead of getting "loud, boisterous and opinionated". Avoid people you don't agree with instead.

3. Do not flirt with men who you know have a girlfriend. If alcohol makes you flirty with attached people then that's another reason not to get drunk.

4. Reflect/work on your self-esteem. You ARE good enough. No need to compensate.

I'd say that's a pretty fair summary.

I think you're right in that avoiding these situations is probably best and keeping my mouth in check. I really just want to move through these situations without making waves.

Everything boils down to our own self control. Period.

When you don't like the incidents you either cause or step into while drinking, consider zero alcohol for a month and see if you can do it. About a week or so into that, your whole perspective will change. You'll find yourself busy with a life-enhancing focus, even if that just means cleaning your home and folding laundry. You may, however, search for productive ways of spending your time that are fun and don't involve a single drink. It could lead you to a new hobby and ways of meeting people who don't drink, and this could open a whole new world for you that you'd otherwise never have explored.

I have a friend with whom I'd do all kinds of fun things--festivals and events, or even just exploring local towns. She got divorced this year, and since then, her life has revolved around alcohol, and it's become very small. Her new friends are all bar flies, and her interests have narrowed to going to bars. She's now a bore, and I'm leaving her to it for as long as it takes for her to grow out of this.

You may recognize during sober month that plenty of potentially interesting friends from your past have exited your life, too. As drinking becomes a norm, it provides tunnel vision and all else tends to drop away. I'd consider exploring the avenue of 'all else' to see what you've been missing. Over time, this can teach you how to either reintroduce alcohol in occasional and healthy ways, or it could teach you that your life is far, far better off without it.

Head high.