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Thread: Guys...I've done it again

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by thealchemist
    If you want to have sex with someone you care about and love I would wait until after you really care about the person before having sex. There is nothing wrong with waiting awhile. It will also help deter the kind of guys you normally attract.

    The compulsive need to have sex even without wanting to could potentially be helped with counseling. I don't know if that is a compulsive need for validation or what. I have known a few people with similar issues. Counseling was what helped them sort out why they are compelled to do things they don't want to. My friend essentially summed it up that she was kind of addicted to a negative feeling and had to sort it out.
    This has not been easy to realize on my own, because I think it's largely subconscious...but I think part of it can be to "feeling guilty" or "bad/dirty". Maybe I don't feel arousal because my subconscious doesn't want me to feel "guilty" or to "save me" from feeling those bad feelings. I feel like what most people would feel is a "normal" sexual experience for me seems coercive I think or like not anything "fun"...I don't know why I didn't try to have a more well-rounded relationship with a guy before becoming sexual instead of these strange encounters which had to be cut off because I just couldn't enjoy them and couldn't actually have sex until this latest guy....

  2. #22
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    I am 27 years old and haven't had one actual sexual experience (intercourse) that I can say I honestly enjoyed...then again I've only had it with one person..

  3. #23
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    I think that why you are dissatisfied with having sex with this particular man is because you did not have an emotional connection with him beforehand. It is so much better when you experience an intimate physical act with someone in which you have an intimate relationship beforehand. This guy ain't it. You don't need a therapist as much as you need to figure out for yourself what it is you need and then seek it. chi

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by cherubrock
    I am 27 years old and haven't had one actual sexual experience (intercourse) that I can say I honestly enjoyed...then again I've only had it with one person..
    Well I am a nearly 30 yo male. I've only ever been with one person. It is hard for me to be the best with this because I am a guy and it works a bit differently for me.

    What I can say is that for the first 2 to 3 years of sexual activity my now wife had sex pretty much because I wanted. The only thing she gained from it was making me happy. That is hard to feel good about if you don't even care for the person.

    Fast forward to now and she orgasms nearly twice as much as me. We started with just two adults that loved each other and had some pretty awkward sex. Lots of practise and getting to know what we want and now its crazily good.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by thealchemist
    Well I am a nearly 30 yo male. I've only ever been with one person. It is hard for me to be the best with this because I am a guy and it works a bit differently for me.

    What I can say is that for the first 2 to 3 years of sexual activity my now wife had sex pretty much because I wanted. The only thing she gained from it was making me happy. That is hard to feel good about if you don't even care for the person.

    Fast forward to now and she orgasms nearly twice as much as me. We started with just two adults that loved each other and had some pretty awkward sex. Lots of practise and getting to know what we want and now its crazily good.
    Basically what you're saying is I need to get more practice? I did do it out of "love" for this guy...but I believe I scared him off when I texted back that I feel like an object.

    "It is hard for me to be the best with this because I am a guy and it works a bit differently for me. " - what does this mean, exactly?

  7. #26
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cherubrock
    Basically what you're saying is I need to get more practice? I did do it out of "love" for this guy...but I believe I scared him off when I texted back that I feel like an object.

    "It is hard for me to be the best with this because I am a guy and it works a bit differently for me. " - what does this mean, exactly?
    I wasn't trying to imply you need more practice. I was trying to say that enjoying sex for many people requires more than a few times. So don't be too deterred if you don't really enjoy it at first.

    And my lack of experience to your specific problem is because I am a guy and it is typically a lot earlier for a guy to get satisfaction from sex.

    Your post sounded like you thought this guy had no deeper interest in you so that is what my assumption was.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by thealchemist
    I wasn't trying to imply you need more practice. I was trying to say that enjoying sex for many people requires more than a few times. So don't be too deterred if you don't really enjoy it at first.

    And my lack of experience to your specific problem is because I am a guy and it is typically a lot earlier for a guy to get satisfaction from sex.

    Your post sounded like you thought this guy had no deeper interest in you so that is what my assumption was.
    Yeah I do feel it could get better not only with more times but with an overall better relationship...no I really don't think he has any deeper interest...I sort of waited around to see if it would change or get "better"...but no...

    There is something that doesn't turn me on about the way I have been having sex...which is sporadically meeting and just for that purpose...my body just turns off completely...that night that guy literally had sex with a living sex doll haha !!

  9. #28
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    After I said that I felt like an object and we both agreed that we aren't really happy in this relationship..all communication has ceased.

  10. 07-16-2017, 03:34 PM

  11. #29
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    Guys...I've done it again

    No offense but you sound needy. You objectified yourself by having sex with the guy, I don't think you should blame the guy.

    You know what you are doing is wrong, you admitted it...... so stop. Wait for your feeling and his feeling to be there before sex.

  12. #30
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    Originally Posted by Tomara
    No offense but you sound needy. You objectified yourself by having sex with the guy, I don't think you should blame the guy.

    You know what you are doing is wrong, you admitted it...... so stop. Wait for your feeling and his feeling to be there before sex.
    Yeah but I don't know why I objectify myself..I'm not really blaming him, I know I have a problem, and I already know our relationship isn't very good or "healthy"...but I don't think you should say "you objectify yourself by having sex.." some people just have sex but aren't "objectified".

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