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Thread: Guys...I've done it again

  1. #11
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cherubrock
    I just don't understand my sexual response..
    That's what a therapist is for - to help you figure out what is really going on.

  2. #12
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    Thank you, I appreciate it Capricorn.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I get you.
    There is a difference for some of us.
    I love sex but without a deep emotional connection it doesn't feel right. I'd just rather not.
    It creates a dilemma of sorts. Those deep emotional connections are hard to come by.
    Sometimes I try to compromise and I just get angry with myself for compromising. The conflict arises because we are after all, sexual.
    I wish I had a good answer for you.
    I don't know that using a broad brush and saying you need therapy is fair.
    Though therapy might help you with why you are willing to settle when you realize you want more.
    Don't settle!
    Don't go into that negative self talk that there must be something wrong w you sexually because you don't care for casual sex!
    There a saying (and a generalization) that 'women make love with their minds, men have sex with their bodies'

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I get you.
    There is a difference for some of us.
    I love sex but without a deep emotional connection it doesn't feel right. I'd just rather not.
    It creates a dilemma of sorts. Those deep emotional connections are hard to come by.
    Sometimes I try to compromise and I just get angry with myself for compromising.
    I wish I had a good answer for you.
    I don't know that using a broad brush and saying you need therapy is fair.
    Though therapy might help you with why you are willing to settle when you realize you want more.
    Don't settle!
    Since age 19 I can say most of my experience was like sex encounters...most were I felt coerced or "had to", just randomly meeting up with guys so we could ****, I knew something was wrong in back of my mind, I wasn't enjoying these encounters, but I just thought "maybe the next time i'll like it". I let these guys use me like a kind of sex doll. My own sexual self seems to be buried down somewhere...

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Reread my edited response.
    I don't think theres anything wrong with you.
    Hold out for the emotional aspect of the connection and everything else will make more sense.

  7. #16
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    I get you.
    There is a difference for some of us.
    I love sex but without a deep emotional connection it doesn't feel right. I'd just rather not.
    It creates a dilemma of sorts. Those deep emotional connections are hard to come by.
    Sometimes I try to compromise and I just get angry with myself for compromising. The conflict arises because we are after all, sexual.
    I wish I had a good answer for you.
    I don't know that using a broad brush and saying you need therapy is fair.
    Though therapy might help you with why you are willing to settle when you realize you want more.
    Don't settle!
    Don't go into that negative self talk that there must be something wrong w you sexually because you don't care for casual sex!
    There a saying (and a generalization) that 'women make love with their minds, men have sex with their bodies'
    Yes, I sometimes go into it because some friends and people around me seem to be doing hook-ups with different people...but yeah I guess I need to be confident in who I really am instead of trying to "fit in". I agree, those emotional connections are hard to come by.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cherubrock
    Yes, I sometimes go into it because some friends and people around me seem to be doing hook-ups with different people...but yeah I guess I need to be confident in who I really am instead of trying to "fit in". I agree, those emotional connections are hard to come by.
    I just came across your thread. Do you have issues with your sense of self? It sounds like you are trying to do what your supposed to do. The thing is, no one can tell you what your sexual preferences are. That is something you have to find out.

    What do YOU want? Don't worry about what other people are doing.

    I would think your best chance of having meaningful sex would be to omit that from any relationship until YOU feel ready. It sounds like you just let yourself be controlled by others. You will attract mostly guys who just want sex with that attitude.

    I would also say to take charge during sex and try what you want. If you don't like a certain way then you change it up.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by thealchemist
    I just came across your thread. Do you have issues with your sense of self? It sounds like you are trying to do what your supposed to do. The thing is, no one can tell you what your sexual preferences are. That is something you have to find out.

    What do YOU want? Don't worry about what other people are doing.

    I would think your best chance of having meaningful sex would be to omit that from any relationship until YOU feel ready. It sounds like you just let yourself be controlled by others. You will attract mostly guys who just want sex with that attitude.

    I would also say to take charge during sex and try what you want. If you don't like a certain way then you change it up.
    Yes I do think I have issues with my "sense of self"....I think the first time I was in a situation of "coercive sexual advances" that probably "set the stage" for letting others control me.... years to come of me repeating that scenario...and letting "things just happen".....even if I'm not enjoying myself...I have really pretty much attracted men who just want sex as soon as possible...

    What do I want? I want to have sex that I can enjoy with some I care about and love.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member thealchemist's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by cherubrock
    Yes I do think I have issues with my "sense of self"....I think the first time I was in a situation of "coercive sexual advances" that probably "set the stage" for letting others control me.... years to come of me repeating that scenario...and letting "things just happen".....even if I'm not enjoying myself...I have really pretty much attracted men who just want sex as soon as possible...

    What do I want? I want to have sex that I can enjoy with some I care about and love.
    If you want to have sex with someone you care about and love I would wait until after you really care about the person before having sex. There is nothing wrong with waiting awhile. It will also help deter the kind of guys you normally attract.

    The compulsive need to have sex even without wanting to could potentially be helped with counseling. I don't know if that is a compulsive need for validation or what. I have known a few people with similar issues. Counseling was what helped them sort out why they are compelled to do things they don't want to. My friend essentially summed it up that she was kind of addicted to a negative feeling and had to sort it out.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    I've always been a little different than most of my friends. When I was younger I felt different because of it. Why couldn't bring myself to do what they were doing?
    Was there something different or wrong with me?

    Now . . that much more mature I am perfectly content with the values I have. I don't participate in casual or sport sex and I
    save that for someone I have feelings for and at the point in which I know the feelings are the reciprocated.

    And I don't judge others than can do it any other way. To each his own.

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