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Thread: "Are you sure about reconnecting?"

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
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    "Are you sure about reconnecting?"

    Hi all,

    Long story short:

    Me and ex broke up in Feb 2016.
    Reasons: my relational immaturity, pushing her away, LDR for a few months and a severy personality change I experienced due to some medication I was on. We were in a relationship for 2,5 years and despite my issues she absolutely worshipped for me the most time (not taking into account the last months of course).

    She told me her feelings had changed but hoped we could work things out.
    I begged her for a few weeks with a result that a 'break' became a 'breakup. I still continued pestering her and we went from 'it is best for now but let's see what happens' to 'we need to move on'

    We tried friendship after some weeks of NC but I was not ready for that and tried to force things which again pushed er away. She told me that she did really want to reconnect at some point but that she jus felt forced at the moment. I decided to finally go NC after the summer of 2016. After 2 months of NC she reached out. Ever since, she has been reaching out again almost once a month and we chit chat for a little.

    We still live in different countries (she: UK, me: Germany) and we almost made plans to meet up but then her dad got a heart attack and my grandmother died (2 months ago).


    She reached out last week and asked me what my holiday plans were. I decided to ask her to meet up this summer. Her response.

    "About meeting... I have thought about it and maybe it is not a good idea. I will be traveling soon and I feel it would be difficult because it is too early for me. I am sorry I am like this"

    I have not really replied yet but I really want to ask her if she actually still has the desire to ever meet up again because if not, I feel it is probably best to cut ties completely. Should I tell her something like this?

    I would really want to reconnect with her because till this day she is still the most amazing woman I have ever met and I hate how I have forced het to end things. She is not the type of person that plays games, manipulates or lies.

    Thank you all!

  2. #2
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    I think it would be wise to tell her not to contact you anymore unless she wants to discuss reconciliation, yes. This has been going on long enough and I think she will understand why you cannot remain in touch at this time.

  3. #3
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    You two broke up over a year ago. You blew it. Its over. (I think I have said this before) You said you wanted to tell her how you felt and reconnect, you did and she said she didn't think it was a good idea.
    There you go, you have your answer. Please, just let her go. Its been over a year.

  4. #4
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    She added: 'it takes time'.

    Does she actually want to meet but does she really just needs more time? Is she just leading me on?

    She has never been someone to play games but still...

  5.  

  6. #5
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    I don't think she's trying to play games but I also don't think she really wants to meet up. You broke up more than a year ago. I think you need to let go of hope, my friend.

  7. #6
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    She's going through some difficult times right now and isn't in the best place to be in a relationship. I don't agree with others that you should lose hope. Separation time has nothing to do with chance of getting back, in fact the longer the break the better. Just tell her you understand and to let you know when she's ready. But in the meantime you do your own thing, stop bothering her, and show that you can live happily without her.

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by Viewcart
    She's going through some difficult times right now and isn't in the best place to be in a relationship. I don't agree with others that you should lose hope. Separation time has nothing to do with chance of getting back, in fact the longer the break the better. Just tell her you understand and to let you know when she's ready. But in the meantime you do your own thing, stop bothering her, and show that you can live happily without her.
    Thank you for your response.

    Hmm I know she is very busy but I don't think she is going through difficult times on a personal level.

    I tried giving up hope, and I think till the day I see her married to another guy there will always be some hope. The only thing I can do is to make improve myself and my life so much that I don't miss her that much anymore.


    I am very much on the fence on how to resond to her...

    I should obviously not show any buthurtness.

    Another side of me really wants to set a boundary... I want to know if she actually has any desire to meet and is just not ready yet (take into account that we do not live in the same country anymore and meeting would involve some planning) or she just has absolutely no desire at all anymore...

    Is there a way of asking her this without pushing her away again?

    Lately she has been a bit more initiative when it comes to talking...

  9. #8
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    I don't think posing that question to her will yield you with a definitive answer.

    You could try asking, but I have a feeling you'll be met with a vague and inconclusive answer, something like, "I don't know what the future holds but I'm not ready now" or "let's see what the future brings."

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I don't think posing that question to her will yield you with a definitive answer.

    You could try asking, but I have a feeling you'll be met with a vague and inconclusive answer, something like, "I don't know what the future holds but I'm not ready now" or "let's see what the future brings."
    Thank you for your response again.

    To be completely honest, that answer would be fine with me.

    Then I would know that I just need to go back to no contact, give her space.

    If the answer would be īNo sorry, to be honest I donīt think it is going to happen..ī then I would know that I would just need to completely remove her from my life.

    Whatever her answer would be...I will definitely continue with NC.

    How would I frame such a message without being too pushy? Blegh...

  11. #10
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    Oh I assumed that she might still be grieving due to her grandmother's death.

    Just say something along the lines of "I understand, let me know when you want to move forward" and then go NC. Don't chit chat with her like you've been doing every month. Don't ask her if she will ever want to meet up because people can't give you a concrete answer as feelings are always changing. You don't need closure from her because you're not going to put your life on hold for her anyways.

    Either way when someone isn't confident in saying yes I want you, then you just back off and not invest anything into them. You're obviously still emotionally invested in her but pretend you're not.

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