25 yrs of marriage almost over

Well will try to keep this short, wife and I been married 26 yrs and kids are grown and on there own, we are basically best friends now and both have lovers on the side we know about and speak about, however it may be to the point now that we are just seeing the future in different views and we're talking about divorce. I really don't think either one of us really wants a divorce but nor do we want to be husband and wife, we bicker a lot and I feel resentment is creeping in on her side from how she says I been my whole marriage she called me a flirt and says she don't need to settle for this, we are both in great shape and have no issues finding others if we want and I think she is realizing she can get whoever she wants and wants to play the field as a single person

But at times she says just the opposite and so do I and never want to leave each other

Any advice ????????

You're already not married. The divorce would be nothing more than a formal acknowledgement.

Poor kids and "others"...

So you both want to keep on being married but keeping lovers on the side at the same time?

Why do u say that!! What constitutes marriage in ur rule book?

And also poor kids our kids are grown and are really happy with both of us

I'm not sure if we want to stay married but we love having lovers on the side

You're already not married. The divorce would be nothing more than a formal acknowledgement.

 

Poor kids and "others"...

 

I'm not sure what your reply means

Probably divorce is best.

Probably divorce is best.

Agreed. Looks like the marriage has run its course and bringing in lovers on the side was the nail in the coffin (imo).

And what are you clinging onto? Security, safety and support of friendship surely should still be there. You can talk on the phone every day or meet in person if you like. There is choice.

But if you want to be married in the proper sense of the word, you'd need to go into therapy and do a lot of work trying to bring you back being in love with each other. It is a lot of work, but at the stage where have lovers on the side, and you're open about it, I don't know if it's even feasible.

So divorce or not, it's just a long dead relationship.

And what are you clinging onto? Security, safety and support of friendship surely should still be there. You can talk on the phone every day or meet in person if you like. There is choice.

 

But if you want to be married in the proper sense of the word, you'd need to go into therapy and do a lot of work trying to bring you back being in love with each other. It is a lot of work, but at the stage where have lovers on the side, and you're open about it, I don't know if it's even feasible.

 

So divorce or not, it's just a long dead relationship.

Therapy is bull😂😂 and why do u day a dead relationship I know a lot of your married in proper sense of the word who are freaking miserable. We're relatively happy and raised our kids great I just think people take this married life way to serious

If you have all the answers why ask for advice?

We're relatively happy

Say what?? Yet in the same breath you say "25 years of marriage almost over and talking about divorce". Contradiction much? I would hardly call a couple relatively happy when they are talking divorce.

I'm not sure if we want to stay married but we love having lovers on the side

A non monogamic marriage is possible if it makes both of you happy. But do the lovers on the side know about this arrangement and are they ok with it?

Therapy is bull😂😂 and why do u day a dead relationship I know a lot of your married in proper sense of the word who are freaking miserable. We're relatively happy and raised our kids great I just think people take this married life way to serious

So if you're both happy like this why are you asking?

Steel:

I ask the same as the others.

Why ask for "advice" if you already know what you want?!

You said in another thread:

"we opened our relationship with rules however we broke the biggest and both kind of fell in love with others, we been doing this for a few yrs now but it's now to a point where we're at a crossroads and don't really want to give it up but it has affected our relationship pretty bad at this point. Not sure what to do we still our great friends and love living together and need to do so financially to keep our lifestyle the way we like it, but at the same time we can't see a future together any more "

So, putting the ball back in your court, Steel.....what's it going to be?

Breaking the rules of the open relationship did "affect your relationship pretty bad", so, again what are you going to do?

Whether people take married life "too seriously" or not is NOT the topic under discussion here.

Most of what that is needed to be said has been said.

25 years of marriage and however many additional of decades of life you have been alive, seems you did not learn much. You come off as an immature person. You're here asking for advice, then when you receive it, you respond like that.

Get the divorce, and spend some time growing as a person.

Are you asking whether you should stay married and continue to have lovers on the side? And what if said lovers want more? Where do things lead then? Sounds like too much BS to deal with.

Personally I'm an all in or all out guy. There's nothing in between. Either I'd be committed to making my marriage work or close the door, leave no strings attached and move on with my life. Think back to why you were married in the first place. Most likely it was like it is now with the new lovers.

A non monogamic marriage is possible if it makes both of you happy. But do the lovers on the side know about this arrangement and are they ok with it?

Yes I would never lie to others they both know and are good with it

Troll.....

Steel:

 

I ask the same as the others.

 

Why ask for "advice" if you already know what you want?!

 

You said in another thread:

 

"we opened our relationship with rules however we broke the biggest and both kind of fell in love with others, we been doing this for a few yrs now but it's now to a point where we're at a crossroads and don't really want to give it up but it has affected our relationship pretty bad at this point. Not sure what to do we still our great friends and love living together and need to do so financially to keep our lifestyle the way we like it, but at the same time we can't see a future together any more "

 

So, putting the ball back in your court, Steel.....what's it going to be?

 

Breaking the rules of the open relationship did "affect your relationship pretty bad", so, again what are you going to do?

 

Whether people take married life "too seriously" or not is NOT the topic under discussion here.

Not sure as of yet we still have a great time together and yet we also love having a good time with others so I think I will just stay stays quo

Troll.....

So u say I'm a troll

If you have all the answers why ask for advice?

I don't have all the answers I don't think no one does it's just nice talking to others a get people outlook on things