Confused

Me and my Fiance have been together for almost 4 years to be honest the 1st 2 and a half years were amazing i couldn't have asked for anyone better he helped me through so much bad stuff.

(I left a really abusive relationship with my 3 sons and thought that was it no more men for me we struggled financially but got by)

Anyway pretty much to the end of the third year i fell pregnant found out at 6 weeks along it was twins i was so happy at the scan till i looked at him and he just looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him up.

We drove back to his house in silence he we went straight into his room lay on the bed and just cried i had never seen a man break down so i cried with him it broke my heart.

After that he just seemed distant we talked he told me he never wanted kids and that he wasn't ready so i started to ask if he wanted me to move back to my own country and raise them on my own i didn't want him to feel so much pressure but he wouldn't let me kept saying he wanted to marry me and buy a house before having children wanted us to travel 1st and it was like that every day i just felt pressured.

I felt sorry i had a IUD in when we meet as i already have 3 sons so we were more than shocked.

Apparently it moved and i had 2 eggs waiting😟

He pretty much wore me down and i went to the clinic the whole time crying i wasn't offred counseling or anything worst day of my life i wanted to just stay on that bed and Die.

(I cry most days and have tried to hurt myself since).

A month after that i find out he has been having an emotional affair with his ex i say emotional affair as she wouldn't have sex with him untill marriage.

Broke me into a million pieces i broke up with him and tried to move on but he wouldn't let me he would come to my cry plead try to propose i said No.

This continued for 7 months him running back and forwards between me and her.

He didn't want to leave her she was saying she had breast cancer and she was really sick (She didn't it was all made up she was already married had children she was just a horrible person)

Once he found out the truth he pretty much just broke it off for good and has never contacted her but the damage to me was done i was mentally and physically bad i have really bad anxiety and ptsd and Depression.

We took a break a month and since than we have tried to work on us.

This year he has been amazing i have his passwords to everything his work Shedules but still i will go into this free fall were im stuck on flight mode i accuse him of cheating every week remind him of what he did every day.

I swear i love him i just can't let go of the pain and these past 3 weeks have been the worst and i think i have really hit rock bottom i tried to commit suicide he found me its not that i want to die its that i want to forget.

Anyway he has pulled completely back he tells me he loves and wants to marry me but he has no passion for me anymore.

He has tried for a year and a half to bring us back he tells me daily he wants us work but i can tell he has given up.

What can i do i want to marry this man but everything that comes out of my mouth is vile.

hi.

what a sad post this is. i think you need to do a reality check. do ou really want to be with this man? if so you need to put the past in the past. personally i think too much has happened for you to move forward with him but that is only an opinion.

that opinion is based on there being no trust. you dont believe anything he says, even when he tells you he wants a future with you.

you dont believe him because he has broken your trust with his ex.

i would move on. and think what you have. you have 3 children. look at them and the joy they bring, and concentrate on them and yourself more.

but think long and hard about your future with this man.

good luck and i hope you find happiness.

This is not the right man for you, OP. He is dishonest, disloyal and unloving - and I say that not because he didn't want children, but because he was having an affair. I would also not believe everything he told you about the extent of it. There is likely much more you don't know.

But most importantly: you desperately need professional help, and I hope you are actively seeking treatment. Attempting suicide is an emergency and no man is going to be able to make you feel better. That is the territory of caring, qualified medical professionals.

Are you in therapy?

I know that yous are all 100% right.

And i am seeing a psychologist but i just feel like its too late for me.

I can't live with what i did.

I know that yous are all 100% right.

And i am seeing a psychologist but i just feel like its too late for me.

Good, I am glad you are receiving help. Please continue with your treatment.

Does your doctor know you attempted suicide?

Yes both times

I went against my morals and values and now im mentally unstable.

Im really sorry to hear your story and i can say from personal experience that abortion is one of the most difficult things to make peace with that i have ever experienced. I know i did the right thing but i was severely depressed for five years and it took another five to come to terms with it and come out of that depression. I didnt have a therapist or anyone to talk to. I was young and i was alone. That was the worst pain i every went through and it completely changed who i was/am.

Its been 15 years and i can finally say that it doesnt hurt anymore. Im still not who i was but i still know i did the right thing.

Im glad youre with a psychologist. Is there anywhere in you that can agree that it was the right thing to do? You were with a cheating, lying man who has no passion for you which means the relationship is possibly about to end and you already have three boys where you were very broke when you were on your own. Two more babies would be incredibly difficult. There are a lot of things to consider with regard to having another baby, more than just our natual motherly affection for a child, right? Can you see any logical reasons that help to make sense of the choice you made?

Worried the OP hasnt posted anything for a while. Let us know how youre doing, Anahera1. Worried about you.

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