I got a girlfriend but I like another girl...Help

Hey everyone,

I just joined today because I am in a pretty tricky situation with a long background story, sorry for the following essay.

(I am 20, My Girlfriend and the girl are both 18)

My girlfriend and I met online about 2 years ago, she lived in the UK and I lived in France. I then decided to leave France to be able to live with her and see her everyday as long distance just hurts.

Since then I got a great job, we have an own little place and life is great together (every couple has little ups and downs at some point like stupid little arguments). Anyways a reason why we moved out is cause her step mum and dad really are the 2 worst human beings on earth and made mine and her life pretty crap...I dont even wanna know where my girlfriend would be without me - moving out together was priority No.1.

As you all can tell already we both have pretty special bond between each other and went through quite a bit already. About 3 months back I joined a sports club with lots of new people to meet - and of course there also are girls. All of them have great bodies, look really nice and all are fun. Here is the problem...I cant stop thinking of one of the girls, every time I go to the club I am always looking froward to see her and to do exercises together - we don't talk much (yet) but it still feels nice for me.

Side Note: My girlfriend doesn't have the best body is more on the "chubbier" site. I am a pretty sporty and fit guy so I kinda want a girl that shares the same, it doesn't have to be like that tho.

My girlfriend has such a great personality and looks cute and pretty and is fun she is just such a great girl.

But lately I dont feel that attracted anymore, especially after seeing all the other girls and that one specific girl I really like.

I am already thinking about it how it would be if I would break up with my girlfriend BUT i cant even imagine it because I know it will hurt her so fckn much, I just care so much about her. And I dont want to see her going back to her step mum and dad because her life will be ruined. She could live with her mum and sister but their flat isnt big enough for 3 people. Also my girlfriend works part time and is doing Online University ( which goes on for 3 years ish) so she cant afford her own place....her life basically would be ruined by it....

I Just dont know what to do anymore....it could be that what I am missing in our relationship is her to have a better body, but I cant tell her "loose weight"...or maybe there are more reasons for it than just the body.

Should I make a move on the other girl and see where it goes? Is it just gonna be a one night stand? Should I have an affair till she has finished university? I just really dont know...I have never done any of these options as this is my first (only) relationship I ever had.

....I need help...

Thanks a lot guys

You know, however much you think it would ruin her life to break up with her - you're doing her a favour.

I would much rather have my world turned upside down... than have someone stay with me out of pity, and them be shallow enough to consider the thing missing from our relationship is that my body isn't of a sporty physique. Really? To somebody else, she would be good enough (if not perfect) as she is.

The fact you're also entertaining the idea of a one night stand/affair while you're in a relationship with someone who is committed to you.. do you have any idea the sort of damage that can cause to somebody? All for your own desire?

I don't mean to be horrible OP, but please break up with her. Let her find someone who is 100% committed to her and cannot be swayed.

You got a point there, thought the exact same that it would probably be more a favour for her. But then again she has no where to stay really, or I just dont wanna see her going back to where we were before...

And the whole affair stuff is something I would never do, I only wrote them to show how confused I am with this thing - I hate cheating. But you definitely got a point...

Mintcupcake is offering good advice. Mine is about the same - break up with this girl before you entertain having a relationship with the girl at the gym. It's incredibly shallow and hurtful to say that your gf is chubby and that is some sort of an issue to you. I hope as you grow up and mature you learn beauty is only skin deep.

Yout gf may be able to move in with another friend til she gets sorted out, rather than return to her family. If you dump her for this other girl, what's to say this will work out for you? Just because she looks good doesnt mean she's a good partner for you.

Yeah another good point...I think posting in here opened my eyes a bit more about the situation I am in. Its not worth to throw my relationship away for something that might just be a friendship or less than that.

I think that one thing many people don't realize is that loyalty to your existing relationship is a choice and sometimes that choice won't be easy and some days it will be incredibly challenging and hard. Meaning that just because you are in a relationship, you aren't dead or blind to the other people and options out there. You can love your gf/spouse/so and end up having a crush on someone else anyway. It's not that these things won't happen in life, it's what you do about it. You can foster it, start talking and connecting to the new person more and more until it all blows up in your face OR you can choose to avoid them, distance yourself, and walk away because you truly do care about your relationship more than a passing fancy or crush and don't want to foster the crush, but rather send it packing.

lol you sound just like my friend. he lost a lot of weight and he said things with his gf are "perfect" yet he doesn't like her body...honestly if you truly love someone the attraction in all other areas will be enough .. that's just my opinion. i've truly loved men who i know aren't the most attractive. or are heavier or super skinny. but their personalities, small traits (like eyes, lips, etc) and hearts are enough to pull me in and keep me. true love has very little to do with looks and being you've been with her for so long you should be past that lustful phase and be best friends with her and truly love her- IF you don't there is nothing wrong with that. BUT. you should leave. If you are seriously questioning things with her don't drag her along and waste her time. yeah it will probably break her heart. but it's better than cheating on her or taking up all her time. if you're not in love with her any more or willing to stick around because she's worth it to you then just leave her. don't play the both of them at once- that's mean and selfish (sorry to be blunt but it's happened to me)... good luck to you and be strong do what you feel is best.

omg yes this is so perfect. i love you for saying this lol. so many people get that rush of emotion out of the spark of having a "new toy" to play with and ruin something they've worked so hard to build. if there's temptation WALK AWAY. unless of course you just don't care about the person you're with anymore... in that case break up and save their time....

Wow. Interesting read Pyers.

My instant reaction/opinion is that you are still young. The situation/relationship that you and your current girlfriend are in is a bit more serious than some others at your ages may be in. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing.

To be brutally honest, to think about entering in to anything with someone else, while you are still in a relationship, is wrong. You mention not really feeling attracted to your current girlfriend any more. I'm assuming that this is a vibe she may be giving off? Have you considered that this may be because of how you are acting or behaving? Maybe she is feeling the same way? A relationship needs to be worked at by both parties. Also, to say that she is on the chubbier side, doesn't have a very sporty body etc isn't very nice. Sure, we all need to have some sort of physical attraction initially, but there's more to loving a person than what you see on the surface.

To cut to the chase, if you are unsure about continuing the relationship, best to bring it to an end. Don't test the water with the new interest, then stay where you are if that doesn't work out. That isn't really fair on either of you to be honest. Don't be with someone for the sake of being with someone.

Okay, i don't want to be a but i don't think j have a choice.

how old are you? Cause you seem to have the mind of a young person who isn't sure what he wants. Its clear you still love your girlfriend, you two share a special bond because of the amount of stuff you two have been through together, would all of this be worth throwing all this away?

For example, you basically said you like being around her, meaning you enjoy her company? Say you broke up with your current for girlfriend for that girl you're interested in, and she's pretty but you just don't share the same bond? Why would you risk it? Looks aren't everything. When me and my boyfriend first started going out, i didn't think he was the most attractive man on earth, but now? I couldn't ask for anything more, he's got a lil belly, but he's cuddly, he's not the person youd see in a magazine but to me he is perfect and my mind never wonders or thinks about other men no matter how attractive they are to other people, because that's my guy and i don't feel the need to search. Which leads me to believe that you may not love her as much as you say or think you do, once you truly love someone you truly only have eyes for them, i know from my own experience. But please, for the love of god, don't have an affair. It'll ruin her emotionally, you said she's wasn't in a good shape before, which indicates she may not be entirely emotionally stable, why would you put her through hell by having an affair with another girl? This would ruin her, so why would you do that to who you apparently love? have a big long think about what you want, and its supposed to come from you not other people, you have to decide what you want.

If you're really that uncomfortable about your girlfriends body, suggest going to the gym together and work together, me and my boyfriend work out together and its great cause not only do we be active together, but we also have good fun with it doing it together and its great.

Thanks for all the comments, they definitely helped a lot and you are all right. I think I just got to "avoid" the other girl as much as possible, which will be difficult as we are in the same group and there arent any others BUT I will certainly keep my distance and put more effort into my current relationship like I did the last few days and we had an amazing weekend together. It definitely isnt worth it to throw my relationship away for someone else. I think I just needed the help from you all as this my first proper long relationship and I have never been in this situation before.

Thanks again to all of you.