Is this a red flag?

Thanks in advance for your replies.

I met a guy on an online dating site. From the beginning he told me that he was divorced and stated the reasons for his divorce. According to him, it was mainly his ex wife's fault. He works very long hours but has managed to message and call me every day and sometimes our conversations last hours. I thought we got along very well.

He is a native Spanish speaker and I'm learning to speak Spanish. I thought that it was great because he could teach me better pronunciation and grammar. He is learning English, which is my native language. I thought this was great that we could teach each other.

We never spoke in Spanish and when I started to write messages in Spanish, he told me that he is getting worried. I asked why and he never replied.

As few days later out of my own insecurity and caution I asked him if the reason why he doesn't / won't speak to me in Spanish is because he is worried his "wife" will find out. He replied and said "that's a possibility". I have never met the guy and he lives on the other side of the world but this still raised a red flag for me.

I asked him why he said that and he told me that he was offended by my question so he used "sarcasm". That's not the type of sarcasm I like and ever since then I have been hesitant to contact him. We rarely chat anymore and if we do, it's usually because he wants to convince me that he is really "genuine". I don't want to get involved with someone I'm unsure about but feeling a little disappointed at the same time because of my uncertainty about him.

I just thought I would post this on here to see what you all have to say. Am I taking things too "literally"? Have I even got a reason to be concerned? Or do you think I'm just doing this out of my own insecurity? Or is that literally a red flag?

Red flag #1 -

From the beginning he told me that he was divorced and stated the reasons for his divorce. According to him, it was mainly his ex wife's fault.

It takes two to get married and two to get divorced. Anyone who tells you it's mainly the other person's fault, is likely to say the same about you someday.

Red flag #2 -

... when I started to write messages in Spanish, he told met that he is getting worried. I asked why and he never replied.

ESL aside, his "getting worried" doesn't make sense. You asked a valid question. He should have replied.

Red flag #3 -

I asked him why he said that and he told me that he was offended by my question so he used "sarcasm".

Ah, now we know why he didn't reply. I agree with you. I'm not into sarcasm either, and don't think you'd enjoy this person's company IRL.

In conclusion, he's not worth your time.

red flag.

Perhaps the reason he doesnt want you sending messages in Spanish is because he's afraid his wife will see. I can't see any other reason for it. He is trying to have an affair. Find someone closer to you, long distance is very hard.

He seems conditional. Haven't spoken since then much is a clear indication that he's not willing to get caught and have his marriage end because you question him and won't comply to his ridiculous rule.

Red flag #1 -

 

It takes two to get married and two to get divorced. Anyone who tells you it's mainly the other person's fault, is likely to say the same about you someday.

 

Red flag #2 -

 

ESL aside, his "getting worried" doesn't make sense. You asked a valid question. He should have replied.

 

Red flag #3 -

 

Ah, now we know why he didn't reply. I agree with you. I'm not into sarcasm either, and don't think you'd enjoy this person's company IRL.

 

 

In conclusion, he's not worth your time.

Thank you for your reply. You pointed out some red flags I totally missed. I felt sympathetic towards him when he told me the reasons for his divorce because it seemed like the main reason for his divorce was because of her "mistakes" (Sorry, couldn't think of a better word). However, you are right, it does take two to get divorced. Yes, I am better off without him not just because of the red flags you pointed out but also because his "sarcasm" made me doubt his honesty.

red flag.

Perhaps the reason he doesnt want you sending messages in Spanish is because he's afraid his wife will see. I can't see any other reason for it. He is trying to have an affair. Find someone closer to you, long distance is very hard.

He seems conditional. Haven't spoken since then much is a clear indication that he's not willing to get caught and have his marriage end because you question him and won't comply to his ridiculous rule.

Thank you for your reply. That's exactly what I thought. The reason that he doesn't want me sending messages in Spanish is so his wife won't see. His demeaner changed when I asked him what his intentions were. In English he said that he didn't want to rush things and get to know each other better and see where it goes from there. However, in Spanish he wrote that he is not interested in anything more than friendship. I guess that's another red flag. I think I'm better off without him.

Thank you for your reply. That's exactly what I thought. The reason that he doesn't want me sending messages in Spanish is so his wife won't see. His demeaner changed when I asked him what his intentions were. In English he said that he didn't want to rush things and get to know each other better and see where it goes from there. However, in Spanish he wrote that he is not interested in anything more than friendship. I guess that's another red flag. I think I'm better off without him.

Ha, there is a red flag when. words and actions don't match. His words and words don't match! Even if your explanation is wrong as to why, his own behavior is too complicated. "Better off without him" is right.

This guy is married. Not divorced. I would bet my last dollar.

Anyway, I also don't think there's much point talking to some guy on the other side of the world for the purposes of dating. You have no idea if anything he tells you is true, and it's not like you can have a date any time soon.

So to answer your question, yes, these are big red flags. I would not continue communicating with him.