Creepy or normal?

I wasn't quite sure where to post my question, But since my boyfriend and is have a considerably large age gap (he's older) I figured I'd go here.

So a little back story on the relationship. We've been together for about 2 years now. He was in 2 failed marriages before me, both pretty long term, and both with what seems like some not very nice women (I've only heard his sides of the stories) He's a very kind man, and just a good person in general. Very respectful, and hard working. Always opened doors and other gentlemanly stuff. When we first started dating he had little to no idea of self worth just because of the way people had treated him in the past. But that has since gotten much better! He's still insecure and not as trusting as I'd like but I feel like that happens when you were cheated on by your ex wife (he's in therapy to help with that).Long story short he's always been very good to me, and we have a good relationship!

I am currently staying at a friend's house for about a week, watching her dogs while she's away. Of course the usual "be careful, love and miss you!" Were said even though I'm only 15 minutes away and always available by phone. We have our own dogs so I am also frequently going back and forth between houses. Today I went to strip the dirty sheets off the bed so our cleaning lady could put new ones on, and a little blue cloth bag fell out of his pillowcase. At first I thought it was a lost sock that had gotten stuck in there but upon closer inspection I realized it had things in it. I found my favorite underwear (they were dirty, probably grabbed from my laundry basket) and a little ziploc bag with my hair (looks like he'd taken it off my brush).

I'm mostly creeped out by this, I want to ask him about it, but I also wanted to hear from people outside the relationship. I won't ask my friends because I don't what to make them think differently about him, and make them think he's creepy or a bad person.

Is this creepy or something normal?

I personally would be creeped out but it is all up to you on what you think. Some would be creeped out, some would like it. I think he has a few fettishes he hasnt told you about.

If you feel adventurous, ask him about it.

ShortGirl.

I wouldn't have an issue with the age gap.

As for the little blue cloth bag, and this may sound wild, but would he by any chance be into witchcraft?

Huh... yeah it sounds like someone practicing magic. Or magik... or whatever. If anything it's probably sentimental. I would feel strange about it. I say that but my partner of 12 years keeps some of my hair in his office but he asked me for it after I cut a bunch of it off. Why not ask him what he's doing with it?

ShortGirl.

 

I wouldn't have an issue with the age gap.

 

As for the little blue cloth bag, and this may sound wild, but would he by any chance be into witchcraft?

I don't have any issue with the age gap either. I don't know about withchcraft. He's never talked about it, and this is the first "weird" thing I've ever found. Believe it or not, that was my first thought when I saw the bag, and then I saw the contents and felt weirded out.

You can be certain he would not talk to you about any "spells". That is the whole point. You would be amazed at the number of people who go down the sorcery road (they consult individuals who are adept in these arts) to bind the "other" to them, or at least that is what they think will happen.

You could say, sort of nonchalantly, you wondered how the little blue bag got there and watch for reaction.

See, thing that's weird about it, is he is very...modest, conservative when it comes to anything personal. He can't even say the word "nipple" without turning bright red, so I have a hard time thinking it's a secret fetish. The whole thing just feels weird to me.

You can be certain he would not talk to you about any "spells". That is the whole point. You would be amazed at the number of people who go down the sorcery road (they consult individuals who are adept in these arts) to bind the "other" to them, or at least that is what they think will happen.

 

You could say, sort of nonchalantly, you wondered how the little blue bag got there and watch for reaction.

Might have to give that a go then. We recently talked about future plans. I expressed my thoughts about marriage (and how I didn't see the point) and how we could remain together for as long as we wanted even without it. He seemed disappointed but thought it was because I didn't want to marry him specifically. I assured him that I didn't really want to marry anyone.

Huh... yeah it sounds like someone practicing magic. Or magik... or whatever. If anything it's probably sentimental. I would feel strange about it. I say that but my partner of 12 years keeps some of my hair in his office but he asked me for it after I cut a bunch of it off. Why not ask him what he's doing with it?

Well if he asked for it, it doesn't seem so weird. And he's slept with my shirt before when I went away fro 2 weeks, but he told me that he did it... and it didn't feel weird when I found out. This just feels so strange. I'm gonna have to ask him.

AS I all too often remark on here, people are a mystery.

As far as the age gap - it matters and it doesn't. if both are older than college age and its an equal relationship and the younger person was not asked out BECAUSE of their age and the younger person wasn't after the older person to rebel...fine. It matters when the older person dates younger (legal dating age) and younger people because they are not accepted by women closer to their age because they have some issues that very young women might be naive to. I have a relative that is like that. The new girlfriend was always 19-20, yet he aged. He started dating a 19 year old when he was 19, then at 29, had a new 19 year old girlfiend, then at 39 had a new 20 year old girlfirend, then at 49 had a new 20 year old girlfriend - you get the pattern. They left when they wised up. He FINALLY settled down and married in his 50s with a younger woman - but instead of going after another 20 year old, he stayed with one and she was 28 when they married. But by this time he was finally a decent reasonable person and stopped being a pig, cheater and a jerk. So it worked.

I'm not thinking of spells - i was thinking more fetish. But how could he have gotten your hair? The drain? Or did he snip it at night when you were sleeping?

See, thing that's weird about it, is he is very...modest, conservative when it comes to anything personal. He can't even say the word "nipple" without turning bright red, so I have a hard time thinking it's a secret fetish. The whole thing just feels weird to me.

People who are embarrassed to even speak about body parts (words that are not necessarily sexual in of themselves but simply an anatomy word) to the point they turn red are people who won't comfortably talk about or present their wants. If he had asked you for your panties because he likes to touch them or smell them or whatever - that would be one thing - but he took them in secret.

Honestly, I would really be cautious of someone who had two failed marriages where both exes were "evil". There is nothing self reflective there. Even myself, who had an abusive ex (no one deserves abuse) can self reflect and identify why i would have initially entered into the relationship for the benefit of learning for the next time. If he didn't identify one of those marriages as two to tango or knows how he contributed to the downfall - i'd keep on alert. "we were really, really young when we married and got married for the wrong reasons..." Anything.

btw, i vote for CREEPY.

It is an odd thing to do, for sure, but not that unusual. The things I have seen people do or that they told me they did.......

And the roaring trade being done by the "spell-binders". What a strange world.

ShortGirl.

"(he's in therapy to help with that).Long story short he's always been very good to me, and we have a good relationship!"

Well, it seems like he making an effort, and is undergoing therapy. It does help to know a little more about the background of his previous two marriages.

You have been together two years, so, has there been anything else liable to make you uneasy, aside from the "blue bag"?

Rather than going about it in a roundabout way, ask him directly. Tell him that you were taking off the sheets, and you found this... Ask him - straight up - what it's about. Not in an accusatory way, just curious.

The age gap is irrelevant I think!

Exactly, Nutbrown.

Thanks abitbroken,

This is kind of the type of reply I was looking for. So, he didn't ask me out because of my age or anything, he was kind of just going along with life and we just started hanging out which turned into dating. He was actually in aware for the longest time that I actually liked him, he actually flat asked me if we were dating. Our relationship is pretty healthy I would say. We both have our own things we like to do separately, and a lot of things we really enjoy doing together. We have similar hobbies etc. if we have issues we talk about them. And I try not to take advantage of his niceness which tends to happen to him a lot. He gives or offers too much sometimes in my opinion.

He's definitely bad about expressing his "wants" I usually have to drag it out of him. Although he hasn't outright said his ex's are evil. But the thought that there could be something he did or contributed to the downfall both times has crossed my mind. However from the stories I've heard from his friends about the ex's and their character have matched what he's told me. Cheated on, physically and emotionally abused etc. so it's always in my mind, but so far other than being a little sensitive sometimes i haven't noticed any truly unforgiving qualities about him. I've also changed the sheets and been gone overnight a bunch of times before and this is the first time I've found something truly weird.

I vote creepy too, the fact that I can't stop thinking about it tells me it's weird. I guess I'll confront him.

It is an odd thing to do, for sure, but not that unusual. The things I have seen people do or that they told me they did.......

And the roaring trade being done by the "spell-binders". What a strange world.

 

ShortGirl.

 

"(he's in therapy to help with that).Long story short he's always been very good to me, and we have a good relationship!"

 

Well, it seems like he making an effort, and is undergoing therapy. It does help to know a little more about the background of his previous two marriages.

 

You have been together two years, so, has there been anything else liable to make you uneasy, aside from the "blue bag"?

So far no nothing that has made me uncomfortable like this. Annoyed yes, but weirded out, no.

I think I will just have to ask. He's the only one who will be able to give me the actual answer. We can guess and dissect it all we want.

Go for it, ShortGirl. See what he says. People are unpredictable.

Not normal. Plus, this sounds like an unbalanced relationship. He is way older than you with two failed marriages yet you talk of him as if he is some helpless child that doesn't know any better and needs your protection.

Not normal. Plus, this sounds like an unbalanced relationship. He is way older than you with two failed marriages yet you talk of him as if he is some helpless child that doesn't know any better and needs your protection.

Yes I agree about the "not normal" part. But disagree with "unstable" I didn't intend to make it seem like I thought he was a hopeless child... hopeless man, sure. But I think we have a healthy relationship. I've compared it to other relationships I have witnessed. No cheating, pretty good communication, enjoyment of eachother's comoany, the feeling that you have someone who loves you even though you're not perfect and they don't have to love you. It's not perfect, we disagree on things, and sometimes I can be pushy and bossy, sometimes he gets frustrated at me for being pushy or bossy. But we work it out and have never been mad at each other for very long. We both enjoy spending time together and have some of the same hobbies, but we also don't keep each other from going to do their own things. When I think of an unstable relationship I don't picture my relationship with him, I'm not sure we will last together forever, but I do know that we are both happy at the moment.

Have you talked to him yet about this? I know you said you were going too. Just wondered if there was an update? I find it creepy as well.

Have you talked to him yet about this? I know you said you were going too. Just wondered if there was an update? I find it creepy as well.

Yes we talked about it. I tried to bring it up in a way that didn't seem like I was mad, because I'm not. He told me that it was because he was worried about me at this other house (it's not in a particularly good part of town) and it was his way of feeling close to me. He didn't seek out my underwear, they were just what he found on the floor. To be honest I felt kind of bad because he was really embarrassed, and I know and hate that feeling myself. He apologized and said he would never do it again. He hasn't lied to me, so I'm hoping that's the case. I'm still not entirely comfortable with it, but his answer eased that creeped out feeling a little bit. I'm going to trust my gut feeling that says everything is ok for now. I also saw him toss the hair in the trash. Also he's not doing magic with it.

Yes we talked about it. I tried to bring it up in a way that didn't seem like I was mad, because I'm not. He told me that it was because he was worried about me at this other house (it's not in a particularly good part of town) and it was his way of feeling close to me. He didn't seek out my underwear, they were just what he found on the floor. To be honest I felt kind of bad because he was really embarrassed, and I know and hate that feeling myself. He apologized and said he would never do it again. He hasn't lied to me, so I'm hoping that's the case. I'm still not entirely comfortable with it, but his answer eased that creeped out feeling a little bit. I'm going to trust my gut feeling that says everything is ok for now. I also saw him toss the hair in the trash. Also he's not doing magic with it.

So...how did he get your hair??

Now, isn't that a relief!

Also he's not doing magic with it.