Advices needed – ex acts like a jerk

Hi guys,

My ex broke up with me a 5 weeks ago. It was our best relationship, we loved each other very much, kids and marriage in talks all the time. Then he broke up because he wasn’t sure that I was the one and he doesn’t know what he wants, we had in recent time a lot of arguing but I thought it's just a phase. I believed that after first year you get comfortable and real... and that you really start to learn how to handle relationship. I am 25 he is 22. The day of breakup we had heated argument. Now it seems like stupidity. He said in tantrum that he is done. Later he was crying and in agony. Additionally, he broke up with me over the phone after 18months. I believe he wouldn’t have done it if we saw each other eye to eye.

I couldn’t cope first two weeks. The day after breakup he was brutal, shouting at me various mean and bad things (he doesnt like me or love, that I should never contact him again). I couldn’t cope, didn’t understand, wanted answers. Then he said interesting thing, that he has to take responsibility for what he has done and that he can’t stand in front of my family after this. Eventually he said that I should not contact him at all, he will not respond and that I am an ex now, in his past. Do you get it? Because I don't. What a twist of behavior. One day he was saying that he wants to be friends and the other day that I am his past?

Ten days later he deleted our pictures from FB and Insta. Then I wrote him text that I miss him and I decided to go NC, didn’t tell him of course. First day of NC day he wrote he wants his keys back and I should sent them via post. I replied coldly that it will wait until our meet up when we will exchange our stuff. (It was postponed because I had exams, he broke up with me a day prior exams period). During NC he started liking pictures of other girls (models,local girls), then he had period of checking when I was online, when he saw that I distanced myself from FB he started doing the same. Now he unfollowed me from Instagram, not sure why because I didn’t post anything. I am silent and trying to be nonexistent. I guess he just wants me to lush out at him, because when he deleted our pictures I was hurt and texted him that at least I am not embarrassed for our history. Additionally, he had a depressive response to one of his mates picture about love.

What I am supposed to make out of this? I don’t get it. Is he trying to to move on or just wants me to react? I am scared that he is moving on and I guess he is scared that I am as well, which is not true. Maybe he is trying to do revenge on my NC?

Another question – I will be leaving in three weeks for a month long holiday (he was supposed to join me for a week). I was planning to contact him a week before my leave for a meet up (also that’s when NC ends). Should I text him and ask for a meetup or should I leave and let him to cool of for another month? That would do three months and it seems to me that it will be over for him by then.

To understand his personality more – he is stubborn, very strong headed guy. But he was acting immature and selfish during and after break up. Nobody from my friends and family gets his actions (even our mutual friend said that he thought that he is better man and shouldn't have broke up with me like this). My mom he is confused as well, he was a week before cooking with her, kissed her goodbye a talked nicely about me. He was professing his love for me all the time, he asked two weeks before breakup about when we will get married. He was caring but now he acts like absolute jerk. His behavior is hurting me massively. He acts like I was nothing in his life.

Your thoughts?

This sounds like a toxic relationship.

I would go no contact. Like legit no contact. Don't contact him, and if he reaches out to you then ignore it.

At 22, chances are he's not ready to settle down. And by what you said, it sounds like you are. If that's the case, then you two are on totally different planets, in which case it won't work out.

If you reach out to him, or entertain his behavior then you're only delaying the healing process.

He is an X. What he does should not matter to you. If he wants to delete pictures, good, if he doesnt, good. The point is that it doesnt matter and it shouldnt bother you.

The less attention you give his actions, then you will see that the less it will hurt you. If he wants to be an immature jerk, then let him. All this does is show you what kind of guy he is and you should be happy that you are no longer with him.

The less you care, then the less it will hurt. He is an X..Let him remain an X

You are right, he is not mature. He was throwing all of these big promises "No one will ever love you like I do" etc. Also he always made me feel that I was the bad one when we argued. Additionaly, he always had an issue with money, which was the cause of breakup as well. I was mad that he didn't return the amount of money that I borrowed him, so he could make to his payday.

Week after payday still nothing and he was distant and busy with putting photo on instagram instead of calling me after his shift.

I was angry and he told me that he is breaking up with me without even discussion.

Ok, I have been doing NC for 25 days. But does activity on FB count? Our family is going on vacation and I won't be able to avoid some group picture etc.

It may be that he just isn't ready. I'm 26 and my ex is 24 and he is acting just like yours is. The bad thing is that we have a daughter together. I'm trying the No Contact thing too. I hope things get better for you

I get it but do you think he will get his act together?

He is not dumb, he should be able to realize that this inappropriate and at least apologize.

But right now he feels entitled and full of himself.

I get it but do you think he will get his act together?

He is not dumb, he should be able to realize that this inappropriate and at least apologize.

But right now he feels entitled and full of himself.

How long has it been since the breakup?

Boys are hard headed and at that age pride is a huge thing

How long has it been since the breakup?

Boys are hard headed and at that age pride is a huge thing

Broke up on 20th May and last contact was on 4th June

It may be that he just isn't ready. I'm 26 and my ex is 24 and he is acting just like yours is. The bad thing is that we have a daughter together. I'm trying the No Contact thing too. I hope things get better for you

That's horrible. If I had daughter and he was acting like this, I would have flipped my mind.

Do you support from yours or his family?

I am dissapointed about his family, because we really liked each other and they did not contact me at all since the break up.

I thought that they would at least try to talk to him about it but his family background is not good (most of the time they have tense relationships), so I shouldn't be suprised.

The only thing I can say is what everybody keeps telling me: just give it time and focus on yourself. I do get support from him and I am very disappointed...he's not the same person I met 2.5 years ago and I wish he was. I'm so lost...he stopped me at work last week and told me happy birthday...I don't know how I should take that

The only thing I can say is what everybody keeps telling me: just give it time and focus on yourself. I do get support from him and I am very disappointed...he's not the same person I met 2.5 years ago and I wish he was. I'm so lost...he stopped me at work last week and told me happy birthday...I don't know how I should take that

Your mates are right, my say the same thing. That I should give him space and if it was truly important to him, he will come back. In meantime accept it and work on yourself. It is very hard, I guess with child must be very hard.

I think Happy Birthday wish is nice from him, to show he cares but don't want to be with you if he keeps distance.

I have seen my ex last time the weekend before break up and it is helping me not seeing him.

Maybe you should consider third party if he comes to see your daughter.

Your mates are right, my say the same thing. That I should give him space and if it was truly important to him, he will come back. In meantime accept it and work on yourself. It is very hard, I guess with child must be very hard.

 

I think Happy Birthday wish is nice from him, to show he cares but don't want to be with you if he keeps distance.

I have seen my ex last time the weekend before break up and it is helping me not seeing him.

Maybe you should consider third party if he comes to see your daughter.

He usually picks her up from the babysitters so we never interact but I work in the same building as him so I see him every day...I wish I didn't have to. I think it would help me not seeing him so much....

Sounds like we were basically dating the same person except my ex is 20. His family also doesn't understand his behavior and they have apologized to me for him being a jerk. I love him just as much as you love your guy but we have to let them go, it's not worth it. I'm sure you're a great girl but he's just an immature boy who can't see that. But believe me I feel the exact same way as you. I'm 3 months post break up and it still hurts but it does feel better day by day. Stay strong and no matter how bad you want to PLEASE don't break no contact, it will only set you back, trust me.

Sounds like we were basically dating the same person except my ex is 20. His family also doesn't understand his behavior and they have apologized to me for him being a jerk. I love him just as much as you love your guy but we have to let them go, it's not worth it. I'm sure you're a great girl but he's just an immature boy who can't see that. But believe me I feel the exact same way as you. I'm 3 months post break up and it still hurts but it does feel better day by day. Stay strong and no matter how bad you want to PLEASE don't break no contact, it will only set you back, trust me.

Glad to know I'm not crazy. Im also 3 months post breakup and still hurting

Sounds like we were basically dating the same person except my ex is 20. His family also doesn't understand his behavior and they have apologized to me for him being a jerk. I love him just as much as you love your guy but we have to let them go, it's not worth it. I'm sure you're a great girl but he's just an immature boy who can't see that. But believe me I feel the exact same way as you. I'm 3 months post break up and it still hurts but it does feel better day by day. Stay strong and no matter how bad you want to PLEASE don't break no contact, it will only set you back, trust me.

I have read some good articles about emotional immaturity and everything fits to his behavior. I am sad that I didn't see it earlier. I could have been more patient but sometimes his behavior was too much.

It hurts because I had important exams and family issues and he just simply doesn't care about asking how I am doing at least. Even has an audacity to delete me from social media. I mean, I didn't do anything to him. So why he is angry at me.

I will not break no contact, but we have to exchange our belongings. He has a lot of stuff of mine, clothes, kitchen stuff and I have keys from his flat.

Not sure If I should simply delay meeting until he contacts me but I probably will.

Glad to know I'm not crazy. Im also 3 months post breakup and still hurting

Yeah, everyday I am waking in disbelief that it really happened. Sometimes I am at work, feeling good not knowing why but the realization hits me that he is not here anymore and it's all back.

He usually picks her up from the babysitters so we never interact but I work in the same building as him so I see him every day...I wish I didn't have to. I think it would help me not seeing him so much....

You have to keep your cool, do not let him to see how much breakup is affecting you. I have watched some youtube videos (good ones) about how to interact with ex if he works with you. The tips seemed very useful.

Sometimes I am very angry at my ex about the fact how he can walk in everyday life with a feeling of how much hurt he causes. But since immature he doesn't realize this.

You have to keep your cool, do not let him to see how much breakup is affecting you. I have watched some youtube videos (good ones) about how to interact with ex if he works with you. The tips seemed very useful.

Sometimes I am very angry at my ex about the fact how he can walk in everyday life with a feeling of how much hurt he causes. But since immature he doesn't realize this.

I know your bf acts like he doesn't care but him acting like a jerk just shows that he does...but it's easier for him to show anger...

I get angry at times too. My ex sent me a text yesterday and told me he still cares about me. I just want to move on because at this point he's just playing mind games with me because he's having a good time doing whatever he wants. He doesn't have anymore family responsibilities so why not just around.

Yeah, everyday I am waking in disbelief that it really happened. Sometimes I am at work, feeling good not knowing why but the realization hits me that he is not here anymore and it's all back.

Same thing happens to me. I get very frustrated and angry sometimes

That's not good, text him that for your own sake you will not respond to his texts or any contact. You have to show him boundaries.

I didn't get at any text or call since I initiated NC. Who knows what is going on through his mind.

That's not good, text him that for your own sake you will not respond to his texts or any contact. You have to show him boundaries.

 

I didn't get at any text or call since I initiated NC. Who knows what is going on through his mind.

Yeah you're right. But I didn't text him back when he sent that. I'm just trying to get through each day at this point. All of my hope is slowly vanishing. But I have realized a lot because now I see that I need to grow too. I've been so busy pointing fingers at him that I didn't even realize that I need to work on myself as well. He will never be completely out of my life because of our daughter so I guess that's where my hope comes from. I just keep praying.

Yeah you're right. But I didn't text him back when he sent that. I'm just trying to get through each day at this point. All of my hope is slowly vanishing. But I have realized a lot because now I see that I need to grow too. I've been so busy pointing fingers at him that I didn't even realize that I need to work on myself as well. He will never be completely out of my life because of our daughter so I guess that's where my hope comes from. I just keep praying.

I did the same thing. I was too critical about his lifestyle and his attitude that I did not realize that I could have changed my attitude as well. I have already made some realizations and I am trying to work on myself, but I would rather try again and work on our relationship. I am 100% sure that he and I need another chance. It seems pointless to be without each other.

Ok guys, so on the top of that I'm having issues with my parents.

My mom is very against my exboyfriend and if she sees that I'm depressed, then she yells at me to get over it and start my life again, since I can't be sad just because one idiot (her words) broke up with me.

I see that one of his statements during break-up turned out to be true. I'm really just like my mother in some situations and that bothers me. My mom is bossy and everything must be according to her.

I'm trying to work on this issue but since I'm living with my parents, I can't feel fully independent and make significant changes to prove him that I@m aware that I need to work on this.

I'm student and can't afford living in flat with people. Any advice?