Should you be forced to delete someone off social media?

Ok so here's the back story: My boyfriend broke up with me suddenly after dating for nearly 2 years and refused to talk to me after. He wouldn't tell me why and was very mean about it, so I was completely heartbroken. I always thought I would be married and have at least 1 kid by the time I was 30. Now, being 28 and single again, I started panicking about having to start over and rebuild the long road to marriage and kids again. I started drinking more from the stress (I also had added stress of finding out I was going to lose my job at the end of the month) and hanging out with new friends from work. I ended up hooking up with a coworker, nothing sexual because I like to be in a committed relationship before that. I told my ex about it and he freaked out on me.

After a lot of fighting and then not talking for months, we started talking again and want to try to work it out. We still fight a lot and he throws that incident in my face constantly. I don't work with the other guy anymore and I don't talk to him at all anymore, but my ex says that a condition of if we get back together is that I have to delete this guy from social media. I think he should focus on more important things like working on our relationship, or if I was actually talking to this guy still, and not just on the fact that he's on my friends list.

Another insight to the situation: I don't really have any real friends, I've had a couple guy friends that I hung out with but had to stop because either he got mad or they were interested in being more than friends. But he has this group of girls that he's friends with (one of them being his "best friend") and he gets mad at me if I express any concern about it or say I'm uncomfortable with certain situations. Most of his recent photos on Facebook are of him with these girls but he's giving me a hard time about just having a guy on my friends list.

The social media thing is an irrelevance really. More to the point is the fact that he's throwing an incident in your face which is nothing to do with him, and happened after he split up with you. You owed him nothing.

Need I say anything about the double standard operating here, too?

I'm wondering why you're hoping to rekindle a relationship like this. I get that you want a family, but do you really want to start one with a guy where you're in constant fights, and where he's hypocritical and controlling?

Why did he end things?

I have to ask, why would you want to be with someone who suddenly ended things, refused to speak to you and treated you terribly?

You still fight, a lot, and he throws things in your face, after you were broken up. How does this look healthy to you?

It sounds like you are so anxious to hang on to this controlling, manipulative jerk, at any cost. He is also a hypocrite.

I think you should move on. You are a terrible match.

This makes me question even more why you would want to be with someone like this:

"Am I wasting my time trying to make things work?

My boyfriend broke up with me almost a year ago. We went through a period of trying to work it out, and then not talking, to trying to work it out again. Even though we are always fighting now I don't want to give up on the possibility of being happy with him again. He keeps telling me I need to make an effort but he does nothing in return. I always text him first and try to hang out, sometimes he does but other times he's "too busy" and has an attitude about it. His best friend is also a female and he has other female friends that he hangs out with regularly. Usually he doesn't tell me about it and I find out from other people and from facebook/snapchat posts that the girls put up. He always starts to ignore my texts and phone calls when I know he is with them and blames it on something I said. Like last night I wanted to hang out but he said he was already drinking with friends, so I said "nevermind, drinking turns you into a jerk" and suggested we could still do something later if he stopped drinking for a while. His reaction was to just start ignoring me and pick up one of his female friends and start drinking with her all night, just because I "called him a jerk", when all I did was state the truth. While he was out with her, his friends wife was telling me all about how he's a liar and sleeps around with all these "friends", he denies all of it and she's now telling him she never said any of that to me. What do I do and who do I believe? Our actual relationship was so perfect and I want that back so bad."

I don't get it!!!!!!

This guy does not love or respect you. Please find someone who does. He will make you life a misery. He enjoys punishing and hurting you. He is mean.

As I told you on your other post, unless you're leaving out a lot of details he seems to be putting zero effort into this reconciliation and is expecting you to bend over backwards. I'd cut your losses and start moving on, and if he really cares about you as much as he claims to he'll come after you.

The only reason he gave me for ending it was that he was stressed about other aspects of his life and needed to work on himself. Before all of this our relationship was the best I've ever had and we rarely fought then, I thought this was finally the one.

Because he is so insecure, most of the things he fights with me about is social media, who I Snapchat, people that are liking all my Instagram or facebook posts, the number of people I'm following on instragam. It's all stupid stuff. Plus the other incident I already mentioned. The top thing I fight with him about are the girls that he's friends with.

When we aren't fighting everything is great and we get along just like we used to. The one thing he just can not get over so we can try to be happy again is this guy being a "Facebook friend", he acts like he'll just be able to let it all go if I delete him, which doesn't really make sense to me.

It sounds like he treats you like sh$t, after reading your other post. You said, "we are always fighting now."

Who cares about this other guy. How about the fact that this guy is disrespectful, ignores you, and is a hypocrite. He is manipulative and controlling.

If this is your best partner, I strongly suggest some counseling, as this sounds awful.

You were broken up when you were with this other guy. How can he be upset about that. It was none of his business. You are missing the big picture. Your bf is not relationship material.

It seems like you are settling because this is messing up your marriage and baby time frame you have set up in your mind. This guy isn't even willing to hold himself to the same standard he is trying to impose on you. You also don't know that he is actually going to marry you in said time frame (or at all). He dumped you out of the blue, wouldn't tell you why and then was mean to you.

I think you are better off dropping this dud and finding a guy who you don't have all these issues with, and who doesn't police your social media. The other option is to stay with him, keep arguing constantly, and delete every single man who isn't a relative out of your life while he keeps his girl friends. Living in fear of "starting over" will keep you in dysfunctional positions all your life. Throw this one back.

It seems like you are settling because this is messing up your marriage and baby time frame you have set up in your mind. This guy isn't even willing to hold himself to the same standard he is trying to impose on you. You also don't know that he is actually going to marry you in said time frame (or at all). He dumped you out of the blue, wouldn't tell you why and then was mean to you.

 

I think you are better off dropping this dud and finding a guy who you don't have all these issues with, and who doesn't police your social media. The other option is to stay with him, keep arguing constantly, and delete every single man who isn't a relative out of your life while he keeps his girl friends. Living in fear of "starting over" will keep you in dysfunctional positions all your life. Throw this one back.

Agree totally. And the time you're spending engaging with this loser, worrying about him and trying to assert yourself, is time you're not spending finding someone who may be able to fulfil your needs in an honest, open manner.

For both your sake's, I would delete the guy off social media,

but call him on his girl friends. It goes both ways.

This ex of yours sounds awfully controlling. Don't settle for him just because you're afraid that you won't meet some timeline.

Has he mentioned anything to you about wanting to marry you and have babies before you're 30?

Attempting to hang on to an obvious mismatch to try to keep to some arbitrary timeline you've created as a fantasy makes zero sense.

Yes we both want to get married and have kids, and we both have the same feelings about not "rushing" to do and knowing the importance of being ready. We had already been together almost 2 years at the time, and now it's been almost another year. I have realized that this issue isn't quite as important as I used to think, I just panicked about it at the time

I'm confused?????

Are you acknowledging concerns regarding how your bf treats you?

Yes we both want to get married and have kids,

Please, whatever you do, do NOT marry this guy or have kids with him - for obvious reasons. I'm amazed you would even contemplate marriage with this toxic guy. Seriously, move on.

This isn't going to end in wedded bliss and a healthy, happy family for you, OP.

You're wasting your time with this clown when you could be channeling your energy into a guy who isn't going to leave you high and dry. Because your ex will do this again, mark my words.