Improper behaviour?

I haven't been around here in a while but I wanted some advice on something. I work as a waitress in a very busy resto. Generally I work by myself but on Fridays I work with one other girl who is about 15 years my junior and who also happens to be married.

Anyway she is very egocentric, full of herself and basically thinks of herself as the best thing since sliced bread..(she's also an actress btw)..I have a hard time with OVER-confident people. I mean she's pretty and has a nice figure but so do a lot of other girls who don't walk around acting like they're better than everyone else. This is not the worst part....what REALLY bothers me is that she flirts with men.. ...ALL men. I flirt too at times(I'm single) but usually with someone who I can picture myself dating..certainly not every guy. It's none of my business maybe she has an open relationship with hubby but I strongly doubt it. Am I overreacting?

The flirting is probably about tips and nothing else.

Do you think all strippers are single?

I ask because I've heard waitresses do better with tips if they flirt. Flirting isn't equivalent to infidelity. So if a stripper can be in a relationship while being flirty and mostly unclothed, why can't a waitress flirt?

Let's just say for the sake of argument that she's a total narcissist who doesn't respect her marriage. OK...you don't have to like her or be her bestie; you just have to tolerate working with her once a week. You can handle that.

I think se's doing it for tips. So perhaps you are over reacting but I can see where this would be annoying.

It's a very good point. But it seems like what she does goes BEYOND just being a flirty waitress. Of course you're gonna attract more bees with honey.ie. , get more tips but I'm not "flirting" with every man I see and I still make good money.

Send her to the annoying regulars lol.

You're right Krankor I can handle it...it just gives me the creeps. I just don't think I could be so overt about it especially if I was already in a relationship.

I do! Trust me. And we have more than our fair share

You're right Krankor I can handle it...it just gives me the creeps. I just don't think I could be so overt about it especially if I was already in a relationship.

Well, I think the most important question is whether or not she's doing her job. As long as she is (for the most part, at least) just remember that, in the end, your relationship with her is professional, not personal. At least, that's the way I'd look at it.

I, too, do not appreciate people who just flirt, willy nilly. Especially while in a relationship.

However, I have a crush on a huge flirt, and I happen to be a flirt myself. When I do it, I usually mean it, though.

Sometimes it's best to let your girl/wife flirt and get it out of their system than it is to focus on "true fidelity". If that is what she does to keep her attraction to her man, it's better than running around behind his back. Now, that's not the norm, so there is the possibility she does it because she's now tired of her marriage. But think of this. If this is what she does to prevent cheating, it's it hurting anything? I would suggest you keep your distance from her and not get caught in the middle of something you may now want to have to handle, but realize that being with someone for the rest of your life is honorable and expected in a marriage, but very very difficult to do. Especially when other people are giving you a lot of attention. I used to judge people who did these things, then I realized that keeping a girl in a bird cage and only letting her out when you feel it's safe is simply going to encourage her to fly away the first chance she gets.

Sometimes it's best to let your girl/wife flirt and get it out of their system than it is to focus on "true fidelity". If that is what she does to keep her attraction to her man, it's better than running around behind his back. Now, that's not the norm, so there is the possibility she does it because she's now tired of her marriage. But think of this. If this is what she does to prevent cheating, it's it hurting anything? I would suggest you keep your distance from her and not get caught in the middle of something you may now want to have to handle, but realize that being with someone for the rest of your life is honorable and expected in a marriage, but very very difficult to do. Especially when other people are giving you a lot of attention. I used to judge people who did these things, then I realized that keeping a girl in a bird cage and only letting her out when you feel it's safe is simply going to encourage her to fly away the first chance she gets.

I disagree.

I want a guy who cares who I talk to, and doesn't want me flirting with just anyone. I would worry about the seriousness of the relationship, if he wasn't.

I disagree.

 

I want a guy who cares who I talk to, and doesn't want me flirting with just anyone. I would worry about the seriousness of the relationship, if he wasn't.

I'm sure you do. For the first few years.

Why does it really bother you?

I'm sure you do. For the first few years.

There are many people who want strict monogamy and those who don't. The issue is their partner's ideals. If they don't match up, then it is not the right relationship. Now, one of my best friends is a huge flirt. She has had multiple long term relationships (many years). ALL of them failed because her partner wanted strict monogamy. She thinks it's harmless when talking to guys in the way she does (flirting), but is it really when the guy thinks she's flirting and makes a move? I don't think so. Unless if you're the kind of person who doesn't mind their SO being kissed, touched intimately....or worse by someone else.

I prefer to let that little birdie fly, far far away from me. Good riddance!

I'm probably not relaying myself accurately, but I'm glad to see yatsue's response. I don't want people to think I believe a spouse or significant other should be allowed to flirt free range, but a mistake many men make is they expect their other to keep all flirtatious comments to only the two of them. Then when a woman flirts back, he gets bent out of shape about it. This is unhealthy, which most, if not all, would agree with. But to go further, I've realized I am willing to let my other do as she will. If she cares enough to keep me, she will not cross the line. If she does, it's my choice to discuss and stay or to stand a line hand leave. But I don't set limits up front because that's placing expectations that cage people in. And much like yatsue, if they want out, then fly and be free. I have been so much happier alone than I have with the women who have cheated on me behind my back.

But here is even more of the kicker. If I was accepting that sometimes people have sex, because it was just sex, their interest in the other person diminishes. Had I looked the other way with my past relationship, I may be in it still because she lost interest in the guy she couldn't resist, which had ruined us. Had I told her I'm allowed a one off as well, she would have felt free to fly and not wanted to do it again. I know that now because I told the woman I'm currently dating that if a one off is going to happen, she's free to do so and I'm free to choose to stay or leave. And the same goes in reverse. She didn't consider someone else for almost a year. Then a one off happened, she let me know, I was pissed off for a few days, and we are stronger because of it. She got her curiosity answered and lost interest in him. AND she knows that if I have a curiosity I need answered, I will answer it and let her choose how she wants to react. Instead of it all being a secret we must bury and avoid, it becomes a personal choice of if the answer is worth the risk. Even though she answered her curiosity, I haven't been pursuaded by anyone else because I don't feel the burn of it anymore, other than a day or two, and she really isn't interested in doing that again any time soon. But she does know she did it and says she's ready to understand if I fall off our relationship once or twice. The freedom we give each other is, well, quite freeing.

Not typical, but this is probably the most connect relationship I've ever experience.

I guess my point being, those who flirt with other people outside of a relationship are setting themselves up to be made a move on. As I mentioned, my friend would flirt with any man pretty much, despite being in a LTR. Those who were hit on, made a move without the permission of my friend who was flirting with them. Even though she didn't want to be kissed or touched by this person at all. Ideally, I would like to stand by my friend, but she really brought this upon herself by being so forward, giving unassuming guys the wrong impression. Hence, she technically didn't cross the line willingly. I just wouldn't be comfortable with such a person who felt like they needed all this attention from the opposite sex, without any restraint.

It's great there is someone who would feel so connected with a person like this, as no one deserves to be alone when they don't necessarily have bad intentions. Just poor restraint with unwanted outcomes. Glad it works for you! Hopefully my friend finds someone like that too because I don't see her changing anytime soon.