What should I do? Am I a terrible person?

The back story;

I'm 25, I've been with my girlfriend for 6 years, we're not married nor do we have any children.

She has severe depression, anxiety and PTSD, because of this she can't work and I can't afford to rent a place by myself - so we're currently living with her mother who also has PTSD, depression and back problems (degenerative discs) leaving her housebound.

The living situation has always been less than ideal - her mother is a very selfish person and treats and speaks to her awfully. They often argue and we have been 'kicked out' multiple times in the past. It's always been a generally unpleasant place to be.

My partners mental health issues have been tough to deal with at times, we have absolutely no social life because she's too anxious to leave the house after dark or be around other people.

I have lost all of my friends during the time we've been together because of our inability to socialise.

I am completely isolated, with the exception of my immediate family - but I can't talk with them about this.

The various medications she's been on over the years have contributed to our ups and downs but generally our relationship has been very stable.

In the past we were very affectionate towards one another, with a wonderful passionate sex life.

However recently; my parter was diagnosed with the same degenerative disc problems her mother has. Even with regular strong painkillers she is in constant pain.

Her mobility is significantly compromised, she is now also housebound and uses a walker to get around the house. She struggles with basic tasks and needs help with most aspects of day to day life.

Obviously with her pain and general lack of mobility sex isn't really an option anymore.

We haven't had sex in almost a year now, and in turn we have become less affectionate to each other.

The dynamics of our relationship have changed drastically in that I no longer feel like her 'romantic' partner, I see myself as her carer now.

I still love her, and probably always will, but we aren't really a 'couple' anymore.

Lately I've found myself struggling to deal with this lifestyle.

I work full time, and care for both her and her mother.

They are incapable of most 'normal' tasks, I have to help her get out of bed, shower, I make all the meals and do all of the housework, I have the responsibility of taking their aggressive dog out 3 times a day, I do the food shopping and get prescriptions as well as working 8 hour days (I also don't drive and do over an hours walk a day with a hip problem myself.)

It's exhausting and I'm just absolutely miserable.

There feels like no 'future' for our relationship, I don't see how we will become 'romantic' again without a sex life.

I know it's a shallow thought but I hate the idea of being 25 and never having sex again.

I'm just so tired, and I feel so trapped.

I don't feel like I can leave, she and her mother need care and are dependant on me.

I know it makes me a terrible person to want to leave, I should stick by her no matter what after all this time together.

I love her so much, but I am so unhappy.

I don't know what to do.

I know it makes me a terrible person to want to leave, I should stick by her no matter what after all this time together.

It's subjective, but I don't think it makes you terrible. And just because you've been together, doesn't mean you should stay together.

You are very justified in putting a priority on sex. It's a normal part of the human experience.

You sound like a good guy. It's going to be hard for you, but you should be honest with her and yourself about the way you feel. It's not like your feelings are in your control. They are a result, not an action. My advice is to not let life pass you by.

I don't think you're a terrible person at all. Kudos to you for having lasted as long as you have. By all accounts, this really isn't a relationship anymore but has taken the role of you being a carer to TWO ill people. Not surprising you are exhausted, unhappy and absolutely miserable and feel trapped ... and when anything gets to that stage, that's your cue to leave (imo).

OP, this situation will never improve, in fact it will most certainly get a lot worse. Are you prepared for that? Is this how you vision your future? You are right when you say there is no future. You are 25 years old with your life ahead of you. Please don't become a prisoner. And YES, they WILL survive without you. They managed before you came along and will manage after you too. I say it's time to pack your bags.

I hope I can offer some help. I have a chronic illness and can relate to some of your partners struggle. I often spend weeks in hospital and I am not very well day to day. My ex was very good at supporting me and helping me, but not to the extent you are. He was not my carer, I would not let that happen as I knew it would ruin our relationship.

You are not a bad person. This is a tremendous strain on you are I admire your perseverance. I think you need to be very honest with her. You will think it will burden her further and hurt her too much, but if you wait until you are at breaking point, it will hurt you both far more. Tell her you need to have an honest talk that may be hard to hear, reassure her that you love her but you are struggling.

I think you need help, in both caring for them and for yourself. Can you get advice on this from medical professionals? Perhaps somebody else could help with actually caring for her and her mother. That way you could focus on yourself more and fulfil your needs, and it could allow your relationship to become an actual relationship again. It is noble to try and do it all alone, but it is not healthy and it can't last this way.

I think you and her need couples counselling. It may really help figure out if there's a way to save your love and build some romance.

OP, this sounds like a tough situation. However, you are not her husband. You may have intended to be in the distant future, but you are not and as such you haven't made any vows about sickness and health. And yet, how much have you already sacrificed for her because of her (ill-treated) mental health? She has driven away all of your friends, you can't go to your family with any issues...are you really prepared to work a full-time job only to come home to another two full-time jobs every single day for the rest of your life? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Even couples where one is ill have give and take. Yours seems to be all giving on your half.

You need to stand up for yourself. There are programs in place to help people with issues like theirs.

I understand you can not afford a place alone, but could you find shared accommodation, away from your gf and her mother...

You are not a bad person at all, at your age you should be out having fun with your friends, not being a carer with no end in sight. (as said above)

As Jitterbug mentioned above, maybe suggest couples counselling to discuss your needs in this relationship too, (Not saying she's a bad person either) at least consider moving into another place alone, were at least you can get down time.

Good luck.