Having a hard time getting over it

This may be a long explanation, but please bare with me. I will do my best to get to the jist of it.

It's been over 4 months since a very bad situation happened with a guy I was seeing. The last time I saw him was on Valentine's day, granted we weren't exactly together he ended things officially in October. But we've still been talking and he still wanted to pursue a genuine friendship (not a friends with benefits), but I was reluctant and even told him that but I still kept an open mind. So he asked me to see him the night of Feb 14, 2017, and me still having feelings for him, ended up sleeping with him. As I was going home the next morning, I viewed his Instagram story from the day before which was still Feb 14 and it was a video of a girl he went to dinner with. Then the next story was how they were talking about romantic sex lines. I freaked out and asked if they were sleeping together, and he said he was which was during the time we weren't speaking for a week. I was so humiliated because he should've told me what he was doing out of respect given our history and he eventually said he liked her. If I had known all that I wouldn't have slept with him at all. In August, when we were together I had an abortion and he basically disappeared and left me alone to deal with it. He thought I gave him the impression that I didnt want him around, but I did. After, he never made up for it at all or showed any real concern. I've seen that girl on his insta before which for him is a big gesture on his end to post a girl. I was offended and hurt when I saw those posts because that ordeal in August was one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through and posting that girl says a lot about how much he cares about her. However, just to be clear when he posted her on insta we weren't together. It sucked seeing how he found someone so quickly and went out of his way to show her off.

I was on and off with him for 3 years. We had a lot of "off" times. He's been relatively honest about the things that bothered him and one of the big things was that I didn't put any effort. Whenever we were off, I would seriously beat myself up and regret not trying hard enough because I really liked him. And he said I never tried to change the little things that mattered. After the whole ordeal I've realized that I'm not ready for a relationship right now and I know I built walls around myself. I'm not completely innocent and trying to play the victim, I know I made mistakes. I still look at his insta and I know he has a gf now and he keeps posting her, and I still get very jealous and hurt when I see it, but I know that I can't really get mad because I should've tried harder.

SO the point I'm trying to get across is how its been over 4 months and I'm still having an awful time getting over it. I know it was partly my fault, and this time I don't really regret trying hard enough because I know I'm not ready but I'm so frustrated and tired of that sinking feeling every time I think about it. I think I've made some progress over the months and believe me I've been trying so hard, but it still bothers me so much and I do miss him. Then I think how ridiculous I'm being because lets say he tries to come back, knowing me and what I've learned I know I'm still not going to put the effort in.

He's been messaging me a lot and I usually ignore him, because the last thing he did really hurt me. He said he still wants to be friends and still talk. We had a bit of a convo about everything that happened, and he said that he's sorry, he wanted to make it up to me and that he knows how bad it is. I don't think I can be friends with him, at least not now.

Has anyone had a similar situation? And how long did it take for you to completely get over it? I've been struggling a lot with this, and I trying to figure out why

When you start a relationship it's always important to deeply question the character of a person, and on whether you would want to be in a marriage with this type of person for many years to come.

In this case the answer is a clear no. I'm not saying pro-or negative against abortion, but basically because of all these actions one person already died. It just shows what kind of detrimental effect this guy has on your life. In other words he's bad news for your life.

Find another nice guy who builds your life up rather then destroys it. A guy with a good character and a future.

He wants a friendship with you because he knows there are still feelings that he can use to ply you into sex.

I'm normally all about being friends with the ex if it's done in a healthful way, but this is the opposite. Cut him out completely. Block him, ignore him. When your mind starts to drift to him, actively force yourself to think of something else. I write stories in my head (or out loud to myself if I'm alone), which has helped somewhat. Other people focus intensely on the task at hand, be it driving, cooking, cleaning, or just their surroundings as they walk around.

I'm sorry this has happened to you, by the way. That's quite a traumatic experience for you on all sides. Therapy might be of some assistance to you, as well.