"Into her hurt"

[firstluvstruck]

Was talking to my friend about the ex situation last night and he told me that I'm really "into her hurt."

I found this to be a very interesting choice of words. He went on to say that this is handcuffing me - preventing me from moving forward.

Question for everyone: have you ever been "into their hurt"? what does being into someone's hurt even mean or entail? I can feel that he is right I'm just having trouble articulating it to myself. I'm trying to work through it but being clouded by emotion is not letting me see it objectively. Do we really get addicted to the pain and hurt?

Any thoughts and reflections are much appreciated!

[rosephase]

into "her" hurt... Did he mean into your ex's pain? Did your ex have a lot of hurt?

[firstluvstruck]

Into the hurt she caused and is causing me

[melancholy123]

So it's you that is hurting rather than her?

[MissCanuck]

Being "into her hurt" could mean a million different things - what is the hurt your friend is referring to?

[Careerchoice]

Either he could mean that you are more concerned with her pain than you are with yours, or that you are consumed with the pain she has caused you to the point that it gets in the way of your daily activities? Only he would know though.

[rosephase]

How long ago was the break up?

Your friend might be nicely telling you that you need to move forward. Yes, some people get stuck in hurt. Some stay hurting to "prove" something about the past relationship (I think it's mostly subconscious). I've seen more people get addicted to the anger around a break up but yeah... people can create patterns of thoughts or obsessions that keep them from healing. Most folks don't do it on purpose.

[Careerchoice]

Do we really get addicted to the pain and hurt?

I wouldn't call it an addiction, but if you're pain is the last connection you have with your former relationship, letting it go is going to be very painful in itself. I believe I'm stuck in this stage. I keep replaying the final events and having this internal dialogue about why the relationship ended and the role I played in it. It's always there in the background and waxes and wanes in intensity. I don't miss her as she is a completely different person to me at this time, but I miss what we had so much. All I can do is let the pain wash though me until I wisen up in the moment and distract myself with something else.

[firstluvstruck]

I truly believe she is happy.

I've definitely recognized I'm trying to prove something by holding onto thr hurt. To whom I don't know. Probably her lol.

It comes in waves for me as well. I can't wait to take a vacation and just escape life for a moment.

Lol he told me very directly to agree to disagree, stuffs complicated, move on.

[boltnrun]

I read somewhere that a professional (not sure if she was a psychologist, a counselor or a therapist) said that holding on to a breakup is your psyche's way of trying to convince you you're still in the relationship. It's a way of trying to avoid dealing with the breakup.

People do all sorts of things to try to "feel close" or "feel connected" to their ex. Whether it's by staying in touch with their ex's family, stalking them online or on social media, or keeping some of their things at the ex's home or keeping some of their ex's things at their home, it's a way to hang on. Unfortunately, sooner or later you DO have to deal with the breakup; you need to accept that the relationship is over or you risk staying stuck in the pain and heartbreak for however long you choose to.

And yes, it is a choice, because the alternative is accepting it's over. For good.

And yeah, maybe you think it'll get back to her that you still love her. Maybe you think if she knows this it'll convince her that you really ARE "the one" for her and she should reconsider.

Sadly, this doesn't usually work. No one wants to go back to someone just because they feel sorry for them.

A vacation sounds great. A new locale, hopefully a new perspective.