Pregnant and heartbroken ..

My life is in turmoil right now. After realizing I was two weeks late I tested positive. It was 100% unplanned and usually he pulls out but didn't and I assumed would be fine because I didn't think I was ovulating. Anyway I told him right away and ofc things are at odds as he wants me to abort and I am scared too... We fight a bit and he says he doesn't want to sleep with me anymore because he can't trust me and we should be friends. On top of this he has broken up with me and said to be just friends multiple Times over the 3 years we've dated . He said "this time I think its for real and I won't change my mind. ".. And he is 26 so this is very immature to even say.

I am hormonal and pissed. I send him a bunch of texts saying how he is acting childish..I also said I hope he treats the next women with more respect than he ever treated me and he responds saying I was never his girlfriend and I can't speak on how he treats women.

Keep in mind we were exclusive for 3 years. Called each other baby. Talked everyday. He was very possessive over me. Bought each other gifts I knew his family he posted pics of us with hearts... We were a couple and he is being delusional to make me feel worthless.

That was the final straw I told him I didn't want to be friends and blocked him. While he can be good there have been several incidents he has mistreated me or been emotionally abusive and I took him back.

I have been staying strong and not reaching out but I have been seeing him post thirsty sexual messages to other women and its breaking me he is already moving on to his next conquest .

I was hoping he'd find it inside him to apologize or make amends. While I was the one who said to leave me alone he knows why and I figured he would come to his senses and realize hey I love this girl she's done everything for me I need to be there. Instead he is enjoying himself and completely forgetting me.

I wonder if we will ever talk again or if he will ask . he knows I am pregnant but not sure if I am keeping it or not. Despite his temper I really thought he was a better guy than this I am blown away. I don't think he is going to come back and I know I shouldn't reach out as he is the one who hurt me.

 

 

I'm at a loss. I will not abort the pregnancy as I don't believe its right and I have family support but man is it killing me that he moves on so fast when just before I told him we were good as ever. What are the odds he will come around? I know he is not the best man to carry on with but I always saw a good side in him so I am at a loss

The odds of this guy coming around and staying around are very, very slim.

 

Your relationship history is too unstable and rocky for this to make a huge turnaround, especially now that an unexpected child is entering the picture. I'm very sorry he was so inconsiderate and immature about it. I think you need to start thinking about how you will raise your baby without his presence or support.

He sounds awful and not the kind of person you need to be around while you go through this major life change. Imho, he is the one who cannot be trusted. You two got into this together and he's decided to abandon you and continue on his selfish childish way. You have one baby on the way, you dont need to worry about another.

I know its hard but you do have support as you mentioned. You should stop whatever activity youre doing that allows you to see him communicate with others. Quit facebook and twitter and whatever else. Focus on yourself and your baby and your real support system. He may decide to come around and you may decide he's not welcome. He certain doesnt deserve it at the rate he's going.

Be strong and remember you have more important things to spend your time and energy on. Look forward, not back.

He has never heard of condoms?? I hate it when men think birth control is a woman issue only.

 

I am sorry. ❤️

Thank you all ladies. I know I have made so many excuses for him in the past against my family and friends warnings so I guess I shouldn't be suprised. I just really thought he would be missing me so seeing him chat with other women was a slap. I am trying to be positive. Normally by now I would have reached out or apologized but I feel as though even though I was caught in emotions I still have no reason to do so. I need to maintain no contact for the first time ever and stick to it.

It's 2017 and people still put their faith behind the pullout method?

 

I do recall several of your old threads and, frankly, this has been a long time coming. It seems like you two were both pretty keen on introducing toxicity. My hope for the future kid is that you can both learn to communicate amicably and effectively co-parent.

 

I'm sorry you've got a lot on your plate right now. Look to your family for support and start preparing for the future.

Don't forget when your child is born apply for support benefits because your child DESERVES that .

@j.man yes I know. I wish I could go back to the very beginning and run the other way. The weird thing is we never fought in person . he has never raised his voice at me or been harsh to me in person however over text or online its like he has the confidence to say cruel things and lose all sympathy. I also wish his mom and sister and other family knew this side of him BC I know if they heard the situation they would realize how he can be but I would never be the one to tell them. He is definitley a split person with how he acts in public versus private

I have to ask this question, if there was no form of BC used by either party, what was the agreement should an unplanned pregnancy occur?

 

Either way, I wouldn't give him a free pass, as he needs to be held responsible for supporting this child. In short, it's time to focus on the well being of this baby.

Absolutely no free pass for this guy. He is legally responsible for child support for 18 years. Point that out to him! See what he says then. Assuming you are 100% sure he's the father, tell him there will be a paternity test once the baby is born and you will see him in court to establish child support. Dont let him off the hook. There's already too many baby daddys out there who dont support their children.

Absolutely no free pass for this guy. He is legally responsible for child support for 18 years. Point that out to him! See what he says then. Assuming you are 100% sure he's the father, tell him there will be a paternity test once the baby is born and you will see him in court to establish child support. Dont let him off the hook. There's already too many baby daddys out there who dont support their children.

Yup, dead beat parents need to be forced to pay up.

Are you afraid of making him mad if you go for child support?

 

This is no longer about you. It's about the child. The child needs the best possible life he can be given, and that includes support from his father.

 

See an attorney to find out what you need to do to secure financial support.

 

I'm going to speculate he didn't use condoms because "it doesn't feel as good". And you didn't want to insist because you didn't want to make him mad or risk him leaving you. Well, this is the result. He needs to step up and support the child he did nothing to prevent.

Ultimately, both of them chose to forego protection because the risk of bringing an unplanned and ill-prepared for child into the world wasn't quite enough to prioritize over whatever other menial concerns they had. I agree with Victoria in that it's frustrating when some men assume birth control to be a woman's issue, but when he chooses to forego the rubber and she chooses to let him slide it in without it, they're both equally culpable in my mind.

 

Go bareback and I don't feel the least bit bad for the dude getting stuck with an 18-year bill nor the woman having to raise the baby should she decide to keep him/her. Any concern or sympathy I have goes exclusively to the kid. Statistically, the odds are heavily stacked against him/her.

 

In any case, do make sure there's legally established child support should your pregnancy be successful. I don't think you need to go to a lawyer tomorrow, and in the interest of amicably coparenting in the future, it might be better to open a civil discussion about jointly providing for and raising the kid, especially considering there's little-to-nothing a lawyer could do in the next 9 months anyhow.

Yes I read somewhere that if the bio dad makes it clear he does not want the child from early on they don't have to pay child support? Like a legal document saying so not sure if this is a real thing I just wondered if this is true if he maintained he never wanted the child and I chose to have it whether he is still forced to pay.

I am 100 percent he is the dad I have had no relations with anyone else.

Yes I read somewhere that if the bio dad makes it clear he does not want the child from early on they don't have to pay child support? Like a legal document saying so not sure if this is a real thing I just wondered if this is true if he maintained he never wanted the child and I chose to have it whether he is still forced to pay.

I am 100 percent he is the dad I have had no relations with anyone else.

I hope you'll educate yourself better with regard parental rights and responsibilities than you did with the reproductive system. In the US, it's possible he could forfeit his paternal rights, but not his responsibilities, child support included. There would have to be another person who legally agrees to stand-in for such responsibilities, typically an adoptive parent. He cannot simply say, "I want nothing to do with the kid" and leave it.

He is running as far away from this as he can. He does not want the child. You need to really understand that and stop putting precious energy into him. You've already decided you are going to keep this baby, so now it's time for you to step up and put all your energy into doing what is best for him/her. No more goofing off with this turd of a guy. No stalking his pages either. He's not coming back.

Now the big responsibilities are on you. You have chosen to be a single mom. Is it fair? Of course not! It's not fair either that this baby is being born without a daddy who wants him/ her, but you two made that call in taking no reasonable means to prevent pregnancy. This shouldn't be a total blind side for you - he's been coming and going from your life for a long time, and he showed his lack of responsibility by not insisting on using condoms. You did too - you are equally responsible for playing willy nilly with pregnancy and STDs.

 

If you have family support, use it now. Focus on getting yourself set up to be a mom. Get your legal eggs in a row too. Don't even consider not going for child support , it's for baby, not about you.

 

If you are tempted to obsess on him, remind yourself about how stress is bad for a growing fetus. Baby needs to be number in EVERYTHING now- the sooner you make that mental shift, the better.

Yes I read somewhere that if the bio dad makes it clear he does not want the child from early on they don't have to pay child support? Like a legal document saying so not sure if this is a real thing I just wondered if this is true if he maintained he never wanted the child and I chose to have it whether he is still forced to pay.

I am 100 percent he is the dad I have had no relations with anyone else.

 

Absolutely, not true. He is the dad he pays up. It's almost impossible to sign away parental rights to a child. Nope. Wrong. He pays.

He CAN sign away parental rights, which means he will not try to see the child or establish a relationship with the child.

 

It does NOT mean he doesn't have to pay child support! Wherever you "read" that is completely incorrect, which is why, while it can be a good resource, you should never rely on the internet for legal advice.

 

I would consult an attorney and see what options you have for the future. Then, when the attorney feels it is time, take legal action to secure financial support for the child from the child's father.

 

BTW, has he TOLD you he doesn't want to pay child support? Or are you still stuck in the mindset of not wanting to piss him off?

Thank you everyone. I am currently a Canadian citizen (location on here inaccurate) but I think laws are similar here I just wanted to clarify.

 

We never discussed child support. Actually, I am glad I have gotten some advice on here because prior to I had a negative presumption women who chased after men for child support were bitter and I would be "independant" without it, but now I see from the POV that it is about the baby and what is in best interest. I am only 5-6 weeks right now and it's only been about a week since we last spoke. Like I said he has no idea what is going on, I think he thinks in his head that by him leaving me I may just go through with an abortion. Assuming my first trimester goes okay I guess I will be the one to reach out if he doesn;'t by then and try to figure out something middle ground.

 

I am really focousing in on the baby. As soon as I discovered the news I bought prenatal vitamens, going to bed earlier making sure I am taking precautions and planning for a healthy pregnancy. Though I am young motherhood does not scare me. I do wish it was a different scenario of course but I am staying strong and have not cried once over this ordeal as I don't want my body to be stressed out.

OP, I am Canadian as well and you are misinformed about a man being able to give up his parental responsibilities, just like that.

 

You need to seek legal advice from a family lawyer, but I can assure you that your ex cannot simply say he doesn't want to pay child support. Our system doesn't work like that.

Absolutely it doesn't work that way. My brother pays $2200 a month for his 3 daughters. ( I am

Canadian as well)

A person can pay child support, but it does not mean they automatically get visitation rights or custody. Babies need lots of things / daycare / classes / supplies / clothes / food / furnishings / DIAPERS / doc visits / toys / stuff to do, so whether he wants to be an active dad, he still needs to fiscally contribute. If he doesn't, they can garnish his wages right out of his paycheck.

A person can pay child support, but it does not mean they automatically get visitation rights or custody. Babies need lots of things / daycare / classes / supplies / clothes / food / furnishings / DIAPERS / doc visits / toys / stuff to do, so whether he wants to be an active dad, he still needs to fiscally contribute. If he doesn't, they can garnish his wages right out of his paycheck.

 

Absolutely.

 

Whether he wants to be involved or not he still has to pay .

I went through the same thing when I was younger. I dated a guy off and on 3 years got pregnant and then he broke it off and wanted me to abort. Just saying I have a beautiful 6 year old daughter now from choosing to keep and raise my babygirl. First thing I would do is tell him to speak with you on this again and if he doesn't go to his family and let them know what happened and what his decision has come down to. It's scary believe me but I would still let SOMEONE know, especially family. So at least someone is there to help you. If you want to keep this child keep it. Don't abort. Adoption is a option if you believe in that. Me I don't. Children are a blessing and once you see it's face you'll be in love instantly. Wether he is or isn't around you can do it. You seem like a strong woman. And if he decides not to be around don't ever think that you can't do it alone because you can and there will be another guy out there to love you and your baby one day. Keep your head up. Focus on you and that baby and stay healthy and get dr appointments. Try to talk to him but if he keeps throwing you off do tell his family so they can slap him upside the head for you.